S's blissful resurrection after previous depression-post a day ago.

 I wanted to ask you about Depression.  How does it feel to you? 

For me I feel like I am locked in a room, alone,  with no windows, very little light, an emptiness that is kind of like draining the spirit out of me. Fear and foreboding dominate and it feels like I can never leave this room unless this body dies...maybe that is why suicide looks like a door out. 

Afraid because this room/experience is something I have always denied existed but I think it has always been here with me, even as a child. Maybe this is where the anger also arises from because I have denied it by blaming other people, places and things.

Edji, what does your depression feel like and how in the heck do you look forward to it. Doesn't it seem foreign?

I am in that room again today and that is why I want to write to you.  

S.

Ed's Response:

I feel lifeless, sad, immobile, but at peace.  Acceptance of temporality and death.

No stories, no rooms, no separation.

S. Responds:

Thank you Edji for this information as it helps me greatly.

After several days of feeling very very depressed a change to absolute total out of this world bliss.  I was listening to Krishna Das and it felt like my Heart Center was doing the singing, it was on fire , just blazing.. I never felt it so strong and deep before.

Also for some reason the Sun, the one in the sky, came in and then I felt like I was in the center of the flames and explosions and Love.  That my heart center was very much like the center of the Sun.

It was wonderful...........but before that the depression was overwheleming.

Thanks for your words Edji.   Love you very much, S.

Ed Responds:.

Amazing isn't it? Under every big depression lies a deep river of bliss that comes from descending deeply into the Self.  When we are really, really depressed, our energies, including our attention is sucked deep inside into a stillness, no movement, no motivation, no action state that is actually quite to to or identical to the bliss body, Satchitananda.

But most people don't know that the depressing situation is there for you to descend inside and find the deep Self there, and they fight the depression.  

Also, the depression is often accompanied by other feelings, images of stories including repressed anger that distracts our attention to the vast ocean of bliss surrounding that deep, empty, lighted state of non-action, non-doing, just being and feeling.