Wow Ed, what an incredibly sweet email. Thank you so very very much! You touched me deeply with your kind words!
Have had this wish to settle down ever since I lost everything in 2006 - but the moving-on continues. Kept askingwhy, why, why for there exists a longing for a 'stable' life again with some kind of financial 'security'. Living with absolutely nothing really tears on the system after a while.
The answer to my why, why, why finally, came yesterday. Have been formulating an email to some people who have asked for my support, since I offered a year ago I would create a support program. But then, I never got an open door for it. Would like to send you the email because it has the answer in there and I don't feel like writing it out again. I hope you don't mind. Have an interesting observation about seekers at the end of that email. You might enjoy it - or not?. But would love your thoughts on the answer that came to me. Warmest regards, M.
Two days ago helped prevent a murder from happening. As soon as I heard the calls for help, my body began to shake with an ice cold tremble. Somehow I knew something bad was happening up the hill from where I am presently house sitting in the highlands of Guatemala. ....have been asking this question for five years: why is this moving-on happening, where every three to four month am moved to a new place? There has been this thought present ever since I lost everything in 2006 that I want to have a stable life again. But that thought is just a thought. It has no power. The reality is that moving-on continues. This morning, it became clear why.
You have asked to be part of my support program which I have been saying since one year that I will start but have not actually done. It's because there has been no open door. Now it seems there is one and so, am trying to see if you are still interested. It depends a lot on you and if you are indeed wanting to hear what I'm wanting to share with you.
The impulse is to give you practical, every-day life examples from my life, along with the trip-ups that I have (and still am) encountering to show you how nothingness lives in daily life. Am hoping to be able to make this whole awakening/enlightenment thing absolutely clear to you, lift all the non-understanding and mystery from you, along with all the hopes and wishes as far as what it is and what it will do for you.
Some people are under the faulty assumption that once they will have an awakening experience, they will be free and clear of problems for the rest of their lives and will be experiencing continuous bliss and trouble-free living. THIS WILL NOT BE THE CASE!!!! Programming will continue to surface and will pull nothingness into programming until it's all burned out.
And this seems to be the reason why I am moved from place to place - to burn out the programming that still is left as part of the Margot Ridler character. Am continually entering situations which most enlightenment seekers can't even imagine, or will find themselves engaged with only from a great distance via news, TV shows and movies. Yet, I am living through these multitude of situations every day in my daily life - from living with absolutely no money, no security, no stability, no home, no plug-in any way into any kind of societal structure or safety net, not knowing whereto I will go when the present house sit job is over which will end in three weeks, being attacked with a knife on a lone road, burglars coming to my door at night, people not paying me the money they promised for my work, being around incredible poverty in these third world countries, being directly and intimately exposed to the immense injustice between rich and poor, and many, many, many, may other things, including now even attempted murder.
How do you think you would react would you be confronted with even just one of these situations? You can not know, of course! It can only be known in the moment as it is happening. But do you think sitting in meditation for hours on end, will clear enough programming so that you would be able to remain in absolute un-reactive nothingness when attacked with a knife? Or when faced with being homeless in a week and not knowing where to go to? Or when your husband tells you he has found another woman who is so much more appealing than you? Or when your child wants nothing to do with you? Or when your father is dying? Or when a serious health crisis is catching you by surprise? Or...? Or...? Or...? Do you see what I am getting at?
Enlightenment is just a momentary thing whereby Life is seen through for what it really is. For some reason, all seekers seem to be putting all their chips on this incident. BUT awake living, operating from nothingness, acting freely in the world is what its all about!!! And that's not an affair of the meditation cushion. It's an affair of living daily life.
Margot, you should describe for all not your external circumstances and path, but what it feels like living it from the inside. Your thoughts or lack thereof, where your awareness centers, or does not, whether you are happy, or not. You tell us nothing of your internal state, only of your external circumstances and how it is deprogramming you, but do not describe how the deprogramming affects your "internal" state. That is, you are not providing a carrot that would lead anyone to follow your advice.