28 June 2012

A message I received yesterday.  The author wanted to remain anonymous.

Dear Ed,

It’s been a while since I’ve written and thus a while since we’ve spoken.
How are you?... I trust you’re doing well, as happy as happy can be?

So the subject of this letter is love.  Love, as the binding force, is sticky.  The sense of urgency, and the sense of willingness behind all agency, behind all actions, is but love.  This is said to be the truth and yet we don’t see it. 

My thoughts have been on love, for the endeavor of understanding oneself is, in essence, one of love.  Your message of loving unabashedly, with all one’s being, abandoning concepts surrounding an ‘impersonal love’ – because what I would call ‘impersonal’ is but another shade of my uniquely ‘personal’ experience – is unorthodox and probably earns you a good amount of flak.

However what you say resonates: love, truly loving, through pain, through pleasure, through light and dark, continue loving.  The depth experienced in truly falling in love, totally and completely in love, to that extent will the roots of attention take hold. 

It’s clearing and tilling the soil as you say.  

To truly love, abandoning the concept of ‘personal’ vs. ‘impersonal’, is to become totally exposed to life, and thus to become truly alive.  Is it so?  Only through having known love, forcefully putting aside concepts, even ‘spiritual’ ones, is one really ready to go inside.  Is this right?

This whole conversation is just words.  But in truth this word called ‘love’ points to a force, a reality, something that’s totally my own, but it can’t really be approached or handled casually with concepts.  To be able to love, but to really love, appears to require a maturity and depth of understanding usually brought about by searching, experiencing frustration; the highs and lows and everything in between.

Having not known love but attempting to ‘transcend suffering’ by asking ‘who am I?’, is kind of like a child who declares that he’s going to be an astronaut when he grows up.  It’s like wanting the ocean without first sailing down the river.

It’s like wanting to orgasm without even having gone through the intense yearning of connecting with a first kiss, which then leads to making out, undressing garment-by-garment, imbibing her essence through her kiss and the smell of her soft supple neck; all kinds of for-play, penetration, etc.  And only then, ‘kaboom’.

It’s like practicing self-enquiry to avoid pain.

It’s like praying to God for deliverance without having taken a hard look at yourself, your deepest yearnings and your pain (For that pain needs my love).
Maybe this is why you insist on me being clear when saying the verb “to Awaken”?  Perhaps this is why you criticize teachers’ concepts (or my dependence thereon)?  Such concepts (even the most lofty) stunt my growth because I rely on them instead of relying on me.  Is this right? 

Therefore, to abandon all concepts (including spiritual ones) is tantamount to and synonymous with learning how to really love.  Love can only flow when unobstructed, and holding on to those ideas that protect me most, obstructs love, ironically.  To learn to love is, in itself, turning away from concepts and embracing that ever flowing deluge or current??

I felt it reading your words.  There was a sense of understanding opening up.
So, go deep into love through whatever shape that divine force assumes.  Love.  And then… and then.

So, love is sticky.  I’ve always thought that spirituality was the art of staying “high and dry”; but now I’m seeing that I was mistaken.  It’s really about how drenched in it you can get.

I feel incredibly lucky to have heard of this teaching; incredibly lucky that Maharaj’s words, and more recently your words, fill my heart and make That ‘visible’.

Over the past months sitting has become so easy, so simple, and intensely interesting (although very ordinary at the same time, if that makes sense).
It’s like a mooring has been cast.  The mooring could be quite long but sooner or later the dock will be reached.  I feel this way.


  1. I love this. Very well written. Very expressive. Very touching.

    Thank you!

    I was just pondering this topic of Love myself while beholding in my heart someone that I not only love deeply but someone who has given me the opportunity to experience a love I have never known before. A love that trusts, a love that moves me to a depth of surrender that I have only heard or read about but am now experiencing.

    My heart bleeds poetry and I sent the following to him in an email just now.

    I have missed you, and have wanted you with great passion.

    It is the wanting that keeps me feeling alive and arouses the longing.

    I find myself in your eyes and long for you that I might find more of myself there.

    I long to be filled and inflamed further still by your love.

    I wish for a surrender so complete that I lose myself in you.

    My yearning, my need to Love is by far the greatest gift that I possess, and the only one that holds promise for me.

    I love the love by which I love you with as well as the man himself.

    There is no risk too great for Love.

    For there is no life worth living without it.

    Because of you, I know this.

  2. This post is breathtaking.

    Joan, your poem is breathtaking. Love is all.

    Janet B.

  3. It's so interesting that I should read this post this morning... The realization came to me upon arising from bed that Love, that God is bowing to my feet in love. I thought I was supposed to bow before Guru, before God, not the other way around!

    But I saw so clearly how all of life, no matter what form it assumes, is bowing to me, to my awakening, to the energetic resonance of Self.

    My ego may be freaking out, there may be daggers pointed at me from every direction, but like a frayed knit sweater, this seems like a cheap superimposition. Even if I was dragged down into utter debt and poverty (aside from death of loved ones, this is my biggest fear), I know that love would still be showering me with subtle luxury.

    And I felt my heart swell in gratitude for this personal attention. For the unabashed flinging of itself in service to me. To me. Because Love loves me and each day is perfect, is just perfect no matter what happens.

    Does the ego (body/mind) see it that way.. no, no way. But perhaps I'm beginning to see with better eyes. At least until my eyes cloud over and I'm left groping my way to the lawn chair to sit and burn in the fire of attachment and fear.... and still, the grass is green and the breeze cools my body, and I can hear the wind chime from my neighbor's house.

    Yes: "So, go deep into love through whatever shape that divine force assumes. Love. And then… and then."

  4. Yet another "synchronicity"...

    I too have been experiencing the ecstasies and the agonies of Love. The Goddess has been giving me a fine and subtle lesson in love through all the women I know (or indeed have known!).

    I have just come to terms with the fact that as a man I have never been a friend to women, always much too concerned with what was in it for me. A total cockhead in fact!

    I too experience the Guru as everywhere and every thing, bowing to me in supplication as I bow before the Guru. It's like a constant two-way flow of energy and Intelligence (I say "two" way, but of course, I Am that).

    In opening my heart to Life in this way I have been gently and Lovingly shown how disgusting I was. And how the Guru's compassion and mercy is without limit.

    Like a child, I have been taken by the hand and shown how to be in the world, without demanding and bullying when I don't get my wants met. And without fear that they won't be.

    I know from my own experience that all my needs and selfless wants are met by the Guru at the appropriate moment.

    I feel that now I am ready to be a father, a Grandfather, a brother, a teacher and a friend without any concern for getting my own desires met.

    And if I fuck-up and forget, the Guru is always there to remind me.

    Om Shanti.

  5. And I meant to add that the post was so true. To try and have it all without having paid one's due respects is an exercise in utter and dreary futility.

  6. April, David,

    What you wrote is so awesomely beautiful.

    Om Shanti shanti shanti,
    Janet B.