27 June 2012

Of Energies, Ecstasies and Orgasms

Many of the readers of this blog or Facebook have noted that several students are continuously speaking of energies they feel, currents traveling through their body or sense of presence. Sometimes the energies are extremely pleasurable, turning into bliss as the currents move, and then into ecstasies once the movements stop and the body/presence is “filled.”

The most common experience with these energies are intense love and orgasms in women, either of the genital sort, or most often felt in the heart.  Then the orgasms spread to the entire body and become so intense that one feels they are going to explode. See, you who have dwelled in your head, are now becoming intimately aware of your bodies and sense of presence.

These energies have a million manifestations and are always accompanied by feeling ecstatic love and grace at some point. One just wants to surrender to God or Guru or to another person who is an external representation of your own Self.

Sometimes the energies flow intensely for days or weeks (or years) at a time.  One becomes incapacitated.  Feeling the bliss and orgasms, one’s attention to the external world ceases. The inner world work of the energies and bliss is so captivating that one becomes useless in the world.

Chores do not get done.  Children and spouses are ignored.  One’s ability to maintain employment is severely compromised.  One is beginning to be aware of the bliss of the Self.

Then the struggle begins to continue to remain in the external world.  One feels guilty for ignoring the children and fear arises for their continued employment. One begins to do all sorts of things to bring these energies and “attachment” to the ecstasies and orgasms under control, but to no avail.

Once you have been bitten by the ecstasies and orgasms, they will stay and bug you until you stop trying to control them.  Just let them pass through.  Force yourself to work and pay attention to the kids when you can, but other times, go off by yourself and let the energies flow.

Along with the energies and orgasms, comes the arising of all kinds of intense emotions, from anger and hate, to the most sublime forms of love, surrender, and peace.  One begins to oscillate between poles of pleasure, love and peace, to outrage, hate and destructive breaking.  It is as if you had become two years old again.

So, what do these ecstatic states mean?  Why are they there?  What is to be done with them?

First, you have top recognize they do not happen to all people.  Really, only a subset of highly emotional and sensitive people encounter these experiences during their Sadhana.  These people often are healers and empaths, highly sensitive already to their inner states and the inner states of others.  Also, they occur far more often in women than in men.  Often too, these people have had “broken” childhoods that have left “fissures” in their personality structures that allow easy access to unconscious movements in the “Id,” the pre-egoic unconsciousness.

Secondly, you need to recognize that the ecstasies are always there, but when you begin practice, either by going deep inside and finding, then loving your sense of self, or by loving someone else as an object-substitute for your own Self, maybe for the first time, your attention, your energy leaves your brain and thinking, and you become aware of these energies that are always there and moving and “playing” within you.

You have become aware of a deeper part of yourself, a deeper level of consciousness, and this is good.  The ecstasies and bliss mean you are escaping from the mind.  It turns your attention towards your heart, your gut, and your genitals.  Really, it is quite liberating.  You become alive again.  You have escaped the poverty of mental life and also quietism of superficial meditation states. The pleasure of the ecstasies turns your attention away from thinking, doing, planning and performing, towards just being inside yourself.

But, you will soon learn that all these experiences are just temporary, and they are not YOU.  They just happen to you, just as do thoughts and thinking.  They are separate from you and do not really affect YOU, the witness at all.

However, they are also harbingers of the event of Self-Realization, where the Self reveals itself to you, the little I, as the big I.  Then you will fall to your knees in worship of God and guru, who are really you.

This whole area of energies can be immensely fascinating, but at some point you have to move on.  It is not you that moves on, but your attention moves on.  You see the energies and orgasms for what they are, just another set of phenomena, and they really have nothing to do with you.  Nor are they really in your body.  They are really in your sense of presence, and as such, you move beyond a body-identification towards an identification with consciousness itself.

However, the most difficult “annoyance” that occurs to most who are experiencing sensitivity to these inner movements, is the arising of some extremely painful emotions and often terrifying hallucinations, and great fear. Fear of being destroyed, fear of going insane because these experiences are so unlike anything you experienced before.

There is often jealousy as you associate the love or ecstasies you feel as having an object source outside of you, a lover, a guru, or God, and you feel your ecstasies and orgasms can be taken away if that external representation of your own true Self, even looks at another person, or does not pay enough attention to you.  There is an intense regression to being a two or a four year old level of personality.

Now you are even less engaged in the world and you feel more guilty for being  so child-like and dependent.

But you see, you are being prepared for a new life, one centered in your own beingness and heart as opposed to living from a role and concepts.

Utilizing the spontaneous sexual energies, and non-sexual energy flows within the body and one's sense of presence, triples the benefits of just turning within and focusing on the I Am. It gives self-abidance practice real juice, a wetness that Ramana-style self-inquiry lacks. It leads to loving the apparently external other with such passion and abandon that you lose the small self, who just wants to surrender and die in that other.  Then comes the big surprise one day in a recognition that the immense love and surrender you feel is really you.  It is your true nature, and the love just flows and flows, coming from a directly perceived Self that absorbs and swallows the small I, leaving one living from the heart. 

Now, some remarks on managing the processes. 

Don’t take these energies or sexuality too seriously.  All this stuff will pass.  Just enjoy these preparatory processes while they last.  If your husband or wife leaves you because you can pay enough attention to them, so be it.  They were not meant to stay longer in your life.  The same with your job.  Maybe you were not meant to be a V.P. of finance or Information Technology.  Maybe you want a simpler employment, or maybe you want to become a teacher yourself by mastering all levels of the teachings, the Dharma.

Also, the energies are exacerbated when you don’t eat or go on a fast. Don’t fast in an attempt the enhance or decrease the energies, they will only get out of control this way.

Eat three or four times a day.  Try, try, try to get some sound sleep even if you have to take medications to do it, because good sleep is usually one of the first victims of the arising energies.

Try to repress nothing. Just let the energies and emotions flow through you.  In fact, if you try to impede them in any way, you will soon see your powerlessness to stop the volcano.

Do not do any Kundalini or tantric exercises while this is going on.  The energies will get out of control this way.  Do not do too much meditation at this time.  This level of your beingness needs to be fully explored and integrated before you do deeper. Just go out on the back porch, or to a park, sit quietly and let the energies and emotions race through you.  Just watch, see how they are not you.

I am really against engaging in any sort of practices to manage or control these energies, because you will likely get even more attached to them and utilizing them.  Let them spontaneously flow through you.  Trust that the Shakti knows the way to self-realization as it is unfolding through you better than any teachnique you might learn to modify or control it.

Just realize that soon all these states will pass in the sense that it is your attention to them and the pleasure of them that is sustaining them.  They all will pass and you will sink lower into even more silent and peaceful levels, not so jarring or enthralling as constant orgasms.  Take them only as being a sign of progress.  Nothing more. But even more importantly, relax and enjoy them as much as you can.  Get passive and enjoy them. Take them as a movement of the divine Self within you.


  1. Ed, this is so, so helpful.

    Thanks, and I love you too.

  2. My Beloved,
    The games you play with me,
    Tempting me with the beautiful form you wear,
    It’s driving me mad.

    How you play in my body,
    Igniting such passion, such lust and longing intrigues me.
    Then you cloak yourself in a form
    I cannot get too.

    You really should be more thoughtful
    Of what you put me through;
    And either withhold your self altogether
    Or come to me and ravish me without restraint.

    Yes, come to me and ravish me without restraint.
    Make me forget there is a you and a me.

  3. Dear Ed,

    I used to have these kinds of experiences quite a bit. You are right that it caused problems in my family life. I would feel overwhelming love for my wife, have visions of her sitting on golden thrones, radiating blinding light, etc. But she didn't want to be worshipped or seen in that light. She wanted to be listened to and helped in down to earth ways. My children didn't understand the strange bodily movements and strange things I would say. I decided to stop doing the kind of sadhanas that tended to bring on that state of mind and to worship my wife in the way she wanted, as I am able. I decided to try to love my wife and family as much as I imagined I loved my God.

    The result was a much less ecstatic condition and working hard to provide for them and to actually be present with them as much as I could. Now I'm in my 60's and experience a great sense of nothingness. I am a ghost in my own life, go almost all day not having a single thought except about whatever activity I am engaged in. I do sometimes miss the ecstasy but I have more peace and mental quiet than I ever dreamed I'd have and when I look at my wife and family I feel I have done my best and am satisfied. For me it was a good trade.


  4. I LOVE IT! You are quite a talented writer, Joan.

    PS...ravishment without restraint gets my vote.


  5. I do experience the sexual orgasms and surrender into a state of total and unabashed bliss but it's always accompanied by a complete out of control, "sublime" laughter. I read that this might really be "laughter yoga" but whatever it is, I ain't stopping till I can't do it anymore, perhaps my last noble act while alive!(then it's onto the next life with perhaps more of the same).

  6. Thanks Victoria.

    The words are like paint brushes for me. It's a way to capture a play of emotions or energies I might be feeling at any given moment.

    Charlie, I like your post.

  7. This is what I've been feeling into for the last 24 hours…hopefully the written description will convey something of the actual feeling…

    No matter how you shake it, everything we believe ourselves and "the world" to be is a lie. We begin adapting to that lie of individuated self before we have taken our first steps. Once the complete symbiosis--of feeling merged with the mother--starts to fade into the background, the usurper [ego] begins to make itself at home in the awful gaping hole that is left behind. "It" is the one who learns the names of things, goes to school, learns how to fit in, what is right/ what is wrong, believes stories about Jesus [or some other illusory savior,] falls in love and out of love looking for the Perfect Lover, the Perfect God, the Perfect Guru.

    This ego/usurper is THE primal doppelganger. It is even masterful at masquerading in the image of presence, including believable replicas of the ability of real presence to see, hear, smell, taste, touch all that arises within the physical body/brain/subtle worlds, etc.

    But in being unreal, i.e, only a construct of "mind," ALL that is seen, heard, smelled, tasted, touched, or fucked by the usurper is ALSO just an imaginary costume-version of itself. The more experience it gains, the more real it presumes itself to BE, when in fact, it is only the delusion becoming more deeply entombed within itself.

    After many decades of such not-so-glorious adventures, ecstacies & orgasms, the usurper is still engaged in the very SAME fearful search that it was when you were two: How to fill the gaping hole where a heart should be. I do not mean "heart" in a sentimental sense of course. I mean the presence that is the very living essence of what we are. The ego has now learned how to replicate even bliss itself.

    But it will NEVER find real presence or fill that dreadful hole...because the ego IS NOT REAL.

    You see, there is NO WAY OUT of this imaginary "groundhog-day" nightmare. It is not just the world of experience that is the lie. IT IS YOU. You ARE the usurper. YOU ARE THE LIE. This is why Awakening arouses terror whenever it gets really close. Because the one you have always imagined yourself to be really does DIE, from its perspective--which is YOUR perspective--so that's the ONLY perspective YOU'VE got. And it will repeat itself until it’s 100% seen! Sounds dreadful, but only as long as you believe it!!! No one is a pile of shit, or even full of shit. How we appear here is just how we appear. It is irrelevant.

    That is the place I’m at now. Whether the “presence” appears to manifest itself quietly or in orgasmic ecstasy, it is the "usurper" who is having the experience. Thus, ALL THESE THINGS WILL PASS. Enjoy them while they are here by all means. Let 'em rip! However, the one who is having the experiences STILL must "die" for the Heart to be FREE, for presence to be restored to its true Natural State.

    What flips the switch--so to speak--is when the I Am “comes forward” as the Witness, and all of this is SEEN as the mere facsimile of aliveness that it is. Then Presence ItSelf has usurped the usurper; recognizing separate self and multiplicity to be the Dream that it is. The Heart stands Free [as it always has!]

    Then where is fear?

    1. Thanks Victoria. You have cleared something up here. If the many individuals out 'there' are not , there can be no individual in 'here'. The illusion of individual here depends on illusion of individual or many of them there. There are NO people. There is No one.

      Mark U.K.

    2. Well said Victoria. Nicely expressed. There is nothing to fear, that is why we create the fear. I have always loved death in the sense of a great adventure, a process of the continuum. The death of the caterpillar in the cocoon, the metamorphisis toward who we truly are, becoming what one already is and the mystery of it all.

      Through Edji's teachings I have also come to now love "life" a lot more. It's all glorious, precious; dying, death, love of life.

      Respectfully, Mike

    3. To Mike, and Mark...

      I'm glad you found my ramblings useful. I do go on sometimes...and today I really seem to be on a roll. I am very visual, and I see what I feel before the feeling itself drops all the way down into the body. Does that make sense? Lately, I am seeing/feeling a lot and it is becoming more of a simultaneous process. [I was a pretty good bhakta too, back in the day, but everything changes.]

      Yes, it is all precious!


  8. Do you still practice kundalini yoga Ed?

  9. Very timely post, thanks Edji.
    Love, Matthew

  10. honestly, I feel I am going absolutely mad. Crazy. Lunatic. People are appearing like they are cut out of cardboard, and when they talk, they really think they are saying something. Ed, there is nothing to say. I feel the craziness, neediness, anger, selfishness, martyrdom. Where did the peace and bliss go? I know what you will say….all just experiences….allow them to surface….I know how blessed I am, but I feel gored….

  11. Often I will post here as a comment, portions of emails that are a bit too personal. I sign them as Anonymous, or use just an initial to retain privacy.

    I just received an email from the person above who was in distress just minutes before, but now everything has reversed yet again. It reads:

    Oh…..my body is in bliss……….total bliss…………tears running down…..glorious….thank you….