Dear Ed, thank you so much for responding. Am glad to hear you say that meditation is not essential. In the book Autobiography of a Jnani there seemed to be only talk about what was experienced in meditation and not how this nothingness is lived in daily life. None of the levels that you talk about which one can identify in meditation applied with what happened to me. All was just being dissolved, happening in daily life - until nothing remained.Ed: M.It seems here that awakening is of no real use when it is just a state that is arrived at via meditation. The human programming will still need to be addressed in daily life as there will be many parts of the programming that continue to run even after truth has been seen. Seeing truth is not the end all - that is what I am experiencing anyway. Would you say that is correct?The main question, which seemed to not have come across in my first email is this: It is a whole other story to live this nothingness in daily life. Am living this nothingness not only as an inner awareness but also am living this in practical, every-day life as I lost all financial and material safety and security. Stand truly as nothing and with nothing in life since several years.The existential terror and fear that is programmed into the cells of the human body, as well as the mental and emotional attachments with it, will have to be faced in order to truly live from and as nothingness in daily life. As long as people remain plugged into their lives with jobs, businesses, retirement funds, homes, etc. where that 'security' part of life is not deconstructed, this very base, existential programming will never be seen, faced nor rubbed out.Am I getting this correctly?And if it does not get touched, how truly free is someone then? It maybe a knowing that someone has but not an actual lived experience in all areas of material life. Would you say this is correct?Am really sincerely asking because am faced with this complete deconstruction on all levels of physical reality. Because of it, am continually placed in situations since 2006, where I see things that I would never see would I have remained in a stable Western type environment. Have been around people who say they are awake - but their focus is on money, on their financial and material stability, on how to keep their jobs and their every day life together. Here, there is no such concern. That got completely wiped out in 2006. Whereever this body is moved that is where it goes and there is a complete knowingness that all will always be taken care of. Live with absolutely no money, no security, no stability - and am 50 years old. How I live would give most people a heart attack. Even those who say they are awake.So what does awake really mean, when existential fears for one's safety and security are on the top of one's priority in actual lived daily life?Please help me understand this whole awakening and awake thing as I seem to be seeing something others do not talk about. Came at it from a whole other angle, having had no clue about awakening or enlightenment. Slowly am piecing things together on my own, through having read some awake people's writings, through many discussions with Dr. Michael Hall and of course, how life keeps moving through me. But don't have a handle on it because how things are for me are so completely different from what all other awake people talk about. Keep being moved every three months to a new place. Just the other day, saved someone from getting murdered. The stuff that I seem to be moved to be present for, witness and see in actual life, no awake person has any clue. It seems that life places this body into these situations, seemingly as a test to find out where programming is still running and how program-less and free its actions really are. That is the explanation that comes to me but it might be completely wrong.If you have any comments that would be wonderful!Thank you so much in advance for your time in replying.
You are so completely right.
Almost no one who claims to be awake really is. They cling to conventionality and habit and never see that the world they live in is so illusory, totally a mental creation. They know it as an understanding, but they do not breathe it, and their "enlightenment" is confined to "Ahaa!" moments of insight, or recurring, but contained experiences of the Void, sighting the Self, or of bliss. Then they return to making a living in their old way.
Ramana dumped everything. Robert left his family and went to India at age 18. I left my job and home to go to the desert to meditate and then to many Zen masters before I settled down again.
This is not to say it is a requirement of awaking that you abandon your family. Both Robert and Ramana were boys when they left, and I was living alone.
Nisargadatta left his family for a brief time, maybe a year or two then came back to run his beddie shop.
The Buddhist tradition contains both the ideals of being wandering monks, or establishment or monastic monks, and also of being laypersons carrying out one's duties to family and society, and then when the children are grown, to become a monk, dedicated to seeking or to good works for mankind.
Now, I ask, is it you who is seeking to live in emptiness and therefore keep living like a wandering monk, or this is happening to you out of grace? Are you deliberately creating a world that is falling apart, or is consciousness dishing it out to you?
The other question, is, is this path you are treading giving you happiness or do you feel a victim? Or neither?
I hope soon this pattern will end for you so that you can really help the world in a bigger way.
Robert said if it were not for his wife and daughters, he'd be living somewhere in a cabin in the wilderness or a cave.
Me too. I feel that way, except I feel bound by a sense of responsibility of taking care of my cats and other homeless cats, that I remain in the world. Otherwise, I think I would be living in a tent somewhere in the Monterey Peninsula in Northern California, like an old monk friend of mine did in the 1970s.
I love you and hold you in my heart,