I have found those who make the most rapid "progress," usually become "dysfunctional" because the internal processes are for more compelling and exciting than anything that happens in the external world. Imagine, coming home to your true Self of unalloyed joy and happiness, and all you want to do is be alone in the bliss of Self?
Such was the case with Ramana, and Robert, and many who followed them. But some people want to hold onto both worlds of remaining optimally functioning in the world and also going deep into the Self. There is a fear that if they do not remain in control, everything will be lost. Actually, the opposite is the case. The Self, God, grace will take care of everything once "you" lose control.
Posting what I am going through....I realize even using the phrase "what I am going through" isn't quite correct. Nothing is quite correct anymore, just shades and variances to observe. Being in the energetic arms of Edji, and as I move forward with him, the subtleties of any-thing, any concept or belief that my hand looks to attach, Ed removes. The more I release these concepts, beliefs, and attachments, the larger space Awareness has to live through my heart without filter, and in doing so, there is an allowance for something so indescribable to have its way with and through me.
The undoing is both painful and freeing. I feel that any attachments, any need to control, so much stronger than before so that I feel the insanity of it...the insanity driven by fear protecting its precious identity and all the meanings it has invested into that production. I find one belief (or Edji shows me) and see through it to only find another more subtle and nuanced version arises later. It is quite the flailing. No rainbows and moonbeams in the deconstruction process.
Bliss, ecstasies, shakti, drunkenness, uncontrollable laughter and sometimes going out altogether, being pulled out of mind-consciousness deeper into heart consciousness, barely able to function, or taken into deep sleep, I feel almost instantly while in Ed's presence. These also happen now without his physical presence. It is spontaneous, sometimes all consuming and without regard to what I am doing...driving, working...trying to grocery shop. Doing my normal routine, if it were not happening to me, it would be amusing to watch. I am unable to remember the most simple of things, and even the most important work deadlines go into the ethers.
But by Grace itself, all things that truly need to be taken care of are done. And....there is also a growing indifference to those things that fall away.
In reading all that I am writing above, I could sit back here and rip it all to shreds because it is a paradox to write about. It is all a lot of paragraphs that could be summed up with two of Edji's basics: "Become dumb like a rock." "Go into your heart....Now say something."