25 June 2012

So many of you talk about awakening, saying so and so is awake. Or, you have awakened. Or, you want to awaken.

What the fuck does that mean to you?  Is it an experience?  If so, of what? 

Is it an understanding?  If so, of what?

Is it both?  Is it neither?

Have you ANY idea what you are talking about, or are you just repeating words you have heard other students or "gurus" use?


  1. Not the faintest idea what I am talking about nor what others are talking about when they speak of awakening.

    Unless you are referring to that dreaded moment each morning when my eyes open and I say, "Oh no, not another one of these."

  2. i guess most people think 'awakening' will make life not suck anymore. it's a bullshit word. aren't they all? i like 'surrender', 'giving up', saying 'fuck it' a little more. little johnnie's gonna have to go bye-bye for peace to ever come. 'awakening' is the last thing he needs, hahaha.

    you're so right about the dangers of concepts ed. my mind keeps talking, praying, trying to stay 'with God' or 'on track' and Life does whatever it's gonna do regardless. all this self-talk just comforts the ego, gives a feeling of control.

    the head is fucking useless. i want a labotomy now.

  3. Hi Edji, after practicing your couch meditation and listening to Robert talks, and reading his book, for 6 months, 4 to 8 hours a day (full time), I had a very strong and amazing event that took place. It would take very long to express with words, there was so many things that happened during that event alone. To resume I would say that my small "me" was violently poped out into a dark void where it went on the lap of god, and the joy I felt was like nothing we can ever imagine. AND at the same time I was the clearly detached witness of all this.
    Since then I am not really there, here ... but I let the process deepening and the more I stay in my emptiness, the stronger the silence and the bliss are.
    Well, I hope you get along with this short description, I am becoming so lazy, that I don't even care about talking about this matter. I don't mix with people, they are so down to earth. I think i would talk about this to others only if I was broke, because spiritual teacher seems to be the worth job available !!
    Anyway I owe you this new life, and to Robert too, your teachings were/are perfect for me, as I had a strong mind wanting intellectual food. Added with my strong discipline for practice and compassion toward sufferers, might have been the secret recipe to this realization, this waking up to the illusion of the world.
    As for enlightenment ... may be it's about seeing the light of consciousness filling all you body. Whatever the words, it was many small experiences, and a very big one, for me so far.
    And fuck all teachers, they just want to eat on our back ahahahahaha

  4. I don't know how long I will be able to tolerate not being physically closer to you, Ed. You break my heart...and in the best way it has ever been broken. Is the possibility of an Ashram real? I will be coming to see you for Satsang on July 28. I can't wait! I still hope we can skype sometime...my setup is ready. I am really just a fool for God...and have not been particularly welcomed as that anywhere I've gone...in fact I have been battered and abused for it and then made to feel that I was the abomination. I wasn't sure I would ever trust again. I am shy now...but the Heart's Innocence cannot be killed. I am crying tears of joy because I found you...and you can see me! Oh how my heart longs to be fully alive as ITSELF.

    Hopelessly in love with You/theSelf/mySelf,

  5. I have no idea what it means to be awake. I do know that I feel something deep within me that just feels true for me. It seems to grow gradually grabbing my attention more and more. I also feel a greater sense of courage and strength to walk away from patterns of living that no longer express my heart or allow love to flow free of conditioning.

  6. I've experienced, greater confidence, laughing more(esp. a gut level laughter), and blissful orgasms that at one time I could've only dreamed about! :-)

  7. Anonymous,

    I am curious, around what time did you feel those blissful orgasms? I experienced similar ecstasy around 11:45am New York time. I am pretty sure it's connected to Ed's presence.

    Janet B.

  8. Janet, don't story about it, relax the mind and just enjoy it. I feel these orgasms, either genital or heart, off and on throughout the day. Sometimes just the song of a bird, the smell of something lucious or something cute one of my kids says can set the energy in motion.

    Anonymous, blissful orgasms that you only dreamed about. YES! I know exactly what you mean.

    As a result of suppressing sexual energy for so many years due to a loveless and emotionally abusive marriage, religious conditioning which aided tremendously in the guilt and shame I felt, I couldn't even work up an orgasm on my best day.

    Over the past several months, no effort needed to work them up. They manifest of their own accord, and sometimes with assistance. Either way, they happen, whether explosive or gentle.

    I am still somewhat uncomfortable with this energy. I'm sure it's due to conditioning that still needs to burn itself out.

  9. Joan,

    I wish I could relax the mind - it hasn't been that easy in the past few months. It's no fun to see others 'excel' and 'surpass' me in any aspect. The fears of loss have been quite annihilating, especially when it comes to Edji's heart.

    But I am happy you are exploding. The experience of Truth is ecstatic and orgasmic indeed.

    Janet B.

  10. Janet,

    I don't think you're ever gonna loose Edji's heart...

    Half a year ago, after I had found Ed, he didn't even accept my facebook invitation for weeks. He only did on my second attempt.
    It was awful, because after leaving my last teacher, I didn't have a living human one for some time, and when I discovered Ed, I immediately felt it had to be him and no one else (although there were things that really upset me in the beginning).

    When I write to him he rarely responds and if he does, it's just a few words.
    Can you imagine how I often felt, especially knowing that with some students he seemed to write pages back and forth, being very friendly, even asking them on his initiative if they were alright when they didn't write for some time?

    Some of you write about feeling Ed's presence. I don't feel his loving presence, I only feel my loving presence and maybe my mental image of him.
    So I know I love him, with all the ecstatic orgasm stuff, but if and how much he loves me back, I'm often left in doubt.

    I'm thousands of miles away in Europe, and given my financial situation as a student I don't know if and when I'm going to be able to visit him without too much of a bad conscience towards my parents.

    It even fucks up my meditation sometimes, instead of my mind getting peaceful I'm having these kinds of thoughts about Ed.
    I think emotionally I'm quite an insecure type, much like you Janet, though maybe not as strongly (I remember you sharing somewhere that you had some very traumatic childhood experiences).

    Yet I feel whenever I truly needed it, Ed was there for me, and if he just gave me a few words, he sincerely tried finding just the right ones.

    Janet you really seem to have a very special, unique relationship with Edji!

    I hope you can find the trust in him and in consciousness that everything is gonna turn out alright, much as I hope I can find that trust again and again.

    Love to you,

  11. Max,

    Thank you and I love you too. The beauty of talking about difficult emotions is that we can name them, see them as separate from who we truly are.

    My journey with Ed has come to an end. I have tried to leave so many times but this time I want to do it with respect.

    Thank you Edji for all your help - I grew so much from my relationship with you. Good luck to you and all your students. May the light of Self shine on all.

    Janet B.

  12. Dear Janet,

    I tried to send you this privately, but missed you just a couple of minutes...

    Oh Janet... it always makes me so sad when something like that happens. One of the worst things in life for me is when people who love each other argue badly or even 'break up'. Really.
    What I usually do when this happens with my friends is somehow try to help them reconcile, if I can.
    You seem to have made up your mind and I know next to nothing about what happened between you two...
    So I can only hope that maybe one day you might change your mind again.

    Vielleicht können wir ja mal auf Deutsch schreiben, wenn du wieder auf Facebook bist ;)

    Hugs and love back,

  13. Max, do not worry. Janet is going to her new Guru, Amma, with my blessing. Janet and I will always love each other and have a close relationship. I think her relationship with Amma will be less intense than between us, and she can grow more easily.

  14. I understand, thanks a lot for clearing things up!

    The great thing is, there do seem to be 'happy endings' with true spirituality :D