12 June 2012

Live Satsangs to begin in July in San Fernando Valley.  They will still be on Saturday, still be potluck, still be fantastic.  Keep watching this blog for upcoming dates.

Also, our sangha has several wonderful students who are progressing nicely into freedom, but they never post here so others can relate.  I have asked them to post about what they are going through.  I mean Samantha, Marcus, Joan, Deeya, Ruby, Janet and any others.

I have talked before how many put on a veneer of freedom in spirituality by having unusual experiences, blissful or ecstatic states, moments of self-realization that subside, but whose everyday life does not change at all.

Others among us are moving towards freedom in terms of freeing themselves from conventionality in various ways, and feel the blissful energies in a lesser way.  I am working with them to develop modalities to facilitate change, even using DVDs of genius comedians such as Lewis Black to poke fun at conventional behaviors and attitudes.

I see so many people who consider themselves moving greatly into freedom, but who collapse and go silent when they hear a comedian, or me, use the words "fuck," or "cunt."  Two tiny words and they shrivel in a seizure of political correctness.

One of my students is married to a born-again Christian, who told his son not to use the word "heck."  "Don't use that word, he said."  The eight year old child went to his mom and said, "Dad is such an asshole!"  The mother was both pleased and shocked by this expression.  Instantly she felt a failure as a mother not protecting her children from such language, but she also felt pride that he felt free enough to use that language, which the child had enough sense not to use in front of his father, who would likely have a heart attack.

Where is your freedom if you can't even use the word "fuck?"

You see, society enforces conformity on one in so many different ways, from the use of profanity, to the images we have of being a proper parent, to the incredibly nicey-nice monitoring found on Facebook where everyone is so virtually loving.

This is just the tip of the conventionality iceberg.  What we wear, the shoes, the pants, the shirt. That same father used to require that all the females wore dresses no shorter than a certain distance above the knee, no low neacklines, etc.

Robert always wore sweat pants, a sweat shirt or T-shirt, running shoes and a baseball cap. He never wore anything else.  That's what I wear, and I get criticized about not caring about my appearance, saying I need to dress up to look good so people are not embarrassed to appear with me in public.

As Nisargadatta said, "All your problems are body-mind problems. Even so, you cling to that body. Since you identify with the body-mind, you follow certain polite modes of expression when you talk. I do not. I might embarrass you; you may not be able to take what I say. I have no sense of propriety."

At his last Satsang, Robert could barely talk, but those who were close enough to hear his soft voice, all that he said, over and over, was, "Freedom!  Freedom!  Freedom," which does not only mean feeling silence, bliss or ecstasies, but not to be constrained in the world from coming or going, or participating or not in the illusion.

Rajneesh on the word "Fuck":


  1. Ed, I appreciate what you shared here. Even while reading it my skin burns as if I've been dipped in hot oil.

    Here is a clip by Lewis Black on cursing and whoring.


    If you find Lewis Black too much for you...keep listening.

    Today my kids and I were sitting around the table listening to a Lewis Black clip on Evolution.

    They laughed not only at his use of language, but the silliness and the entrapment of certain beliefs. One of them mentioned how much happier they thought their dad would be if he'd just let his religious beliefs go and just live from his heart.

    Their dad continues to promote the idea of a heaven and a hell along with all sorts of rules to live by and they want no part in it. And, it is all my fault.

    Imagine the harmony that is present when Dad feels he needs to protect the children from the evil influences of the mom whom he thinks is lost and immoral, because he is threatened by her freedom. OH HAPPY FUCKING DAY!

    The kids and I had a good time watching those Black clips together. But, minutes later I am sitting on the back porch and I feel such guilt come over me.

    What kind of mother must I be to let my children hear such language? What will their dad think? What if Grandma comes and they slip and say a word?

    You know, bottom line, it's really not about what the kids might say, it's about me protecting my image as a 'good mother'. It's about me not wanting to be on the outer fringes of society. It's about wanting people to think I am nice and good and all that sort of shit.

    It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that I will no longer be on the ballet for the 'mother of the year' award. This has been so hard to let go of. For 24 years my identity has been derived for the most part from being a good mother and a 'miserable' but submissive wife.

    And during all those years nobody gave a rats ass about my misery, they just wanted to make sure that I stayed in line. You know, that I kept the faith...actually, thatI kept THEIR faith.

    I notice that the more free I become; or the less conditioned I am the more controversial I appear to this world, especially those closest to me with whom I shared a common image of myself.

    When one is free 'from' this world of illusion (concepts and their web of meaning) one is free 'in' this world. Mabye this is what Jesus meant when he said be 'in' the world, but not 'of' it.

    Love, just being and expressing through these forms, unhindered, unbound, unfettered, not knowing anything...just being itself.

    It is so easy to speak of this freedom, to imagine it, to escape in it in a sort of conceptual way and yet be bound all at the same time.

    Maybe I'm doing something wrong because it's not all that easy for me. To have an authentic expression is costing me dearly. It is breaking the rules, destroying the boundaries and a lot of times I am scared shitless; am gripped with intense anxiety and my skin feels like it is going to burn off my body.

    I have to continually remind myself to not try to understand what is going on by what appears to be happening.

    At the level of appearance, many would say my life is a complete fuck up; and sometimes I feel that way about it as well.

    And yet, the path behind me is no longer recongizeable; I can't go back and I don't what the hell forward looks like, no body does.

  2. dear Ed,

    Is there a possibility to connect a webcam on live satsangs? so that those who do not live near could attend?

  3. One of my favorite poems from Tukaram:

    "A Fancy Event"

    was invited
    to a fancy event and when
    I got there one of the guests said,

    "Tukaram, your shirt is on backwards and so are
    your pants,

    and it looks like your hair never heard the word comb,
    and your shoes don't match."

    I replied,

    "Thanks, I noticed all that before leaving,
    but why try to fool


  4. I do not often post on the blogs... But I wanted to thank you Edji for an amazing evening yesterday.... I always enjoy these times with you and I find that my consciousness is always somehow altered that evening or the next day often progressing throughout the week and leading to a domino effect of subtle layers of dismantling my ideals and concepts... It is always different, but always transformational... Last night there was just a lot of peace... I felt settled and resting in my presence, with no need or desire to really ask about anything. I was enjoying being in the no-mind with you and Samantha.. it was wonderful. There is always a transmission that occurs when I am with you and I feel the darshan. And you are constantly inviting me to let go of any and all concepts that are keeping me stuck in the world of convention... That was a big take away from yesterday... I was also quite moved by the palpable experience of the linage which is a living energy that moves through you Ed... I know and feel and how that assists in the process of awakening. I will take all the help I can get... Thank you again for so openly sharing your love, yourself and your depth of wisdom. It has been a great catalyst to my unfolding and I look forward to Satsang...

  5. Below is a Youtube clip by Lewis Black titled Cursing and Whoring.


    I used to be so uncomfortable with the word 'fuck', cringing each time I would hear it, my body stiffening, feeling like I was in a straight jacket.

    One day I sat in a corner and said, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.................over and over again until it no longer had any sting to it.

    I have, am doing this with other such words as well.

    You see, no word stands alone. Each word (concept) is tightly woven with not only other words but with images and memories as well.

    For me, the best way to be free of anything is to walk right into it, not to avoid it or reason it away with other words.

    This is not as easy as it sounds. It never is.

  6. I was sitting around the table today with my 5 children. We were watching some Lewis Black clips on Youtube.

    They would giggle when he would use words that they had been taught were ‘bad’.

    Lights would go off in their eyes when Lewis would make a mock at the silly beliefs that they know holds their dad in captivity and which he tries to impose on them whenever they are alone with him. They refuse to be manipulated and forced into certain behavioral patterns in order to escape some place called hell.

    One of them even made the comment that dad would be so much more fun and happier if he could drop his beliefs and just live from his heart.

    After several clips I went out on the back porch to indulge myself even more…listening to this guy is like having granades go off in my head.

    As I was sitting there I felt a wave of guilt come over me for allowing the kids to hear such language.

    And the accuser, the mind that is the servant to society began with, “What kind of a mother am I? What will their dad say if he finds out? What will grandma say if they let one of the ‘bad’ words slip while she is visiting? What will other parents think if they hear my kids speak such profanities or mock religion, will they not let their kids play with mine? Will the kids understand if they are rejected....?"

    I realized, this wasn’t really about the kids saying bad words but it was about maintaining a good, moral mother image. Good mothers raise good kids; and good kids don’t curse. It is about the fear of me being rejected and living on the fringes of society.

    I have not been able to stop my freedom from affecting my children. The more unconditioned I become the more controversial I appear to the world, specifically to those who are closest to me.

    Freedom, in whatever way it comes demands an authentic expression or it is not freedom. To express myself authentically has not been easy for me nor my friends and family. I try to be compassionate to them and myself as the image of me that we collectively hold is being destroyed.

    But the way I see it is, when you are free ‘from’ this world; you are also free ‘in’ this world

    I hear it only a daily basis from the spouse. You don’t keep the house as clean as you used to. You don’t spend as much time on meals as you used to. You spend too much time alone. You aren’t mothering the kids the way you should. You are too free with your use of words and the topics of conversations I hear you have. Your dresses are too short, your shirts are too low. Are you leaving the house without a bra on? You shouldn’t be watching those kinds of movies…It goes on and on and on.

    I can’t go back, the path behind me is no longer recognizeable any more, and the path before me is untrodden.

    Some days I feel afraid and experience intense anxiety, doubt and confusion.

    I continually remind myself to not derive any understanding of my sense of self based off what ‘appears’ to be happening, but as often as I can to drop back into that feeling of being and let what happens happen and do what I must in the process.

    I just noticed that my post above that I thought was anonymous has my picture on it. I feel a little uncomfortable, like I've been caught doing something that I shouldn't have done. It's about that self image thing again. What will the readers think of me? I have hidden behind pseudo names for a while. Maybe it's time to come out of the closet, or maybe I just did.

  7. Wow Joan,

    That is such a pretty photo of you.

    Janet B.

  8. How do I drop my belief that neighbours shouldn't be noisy?

  9. I wish I lived in Los Angeles...

  10. Thanks Joan for: "I continually remind myself to not derive any understanding of my sense of self based off what ‘appears’ to be happening, but as often as I can to drop back into that feeling of being and let what happens happen and do what I must in the process."

    I have had days recently where I question whether any of this "inner work" I've been doing has been of any avail. I'm still a jerk. I still get caught up in one drama after another. I can't seem to do spiritual practice sometimes. Sometimes I don't have a clue what that -- spiritual practice -- even means any more. Those are also, however, the times when I re-recognize that I am not that jerk in the drama ... or maybe I am, but I'm more than that. I can even be happy amidst all the confusion and turmoil

  11. Rick,

    I know exactly what you speak of. Over the past couple of hours I have experienced a state of confusion. Mind was ever so busy attempting to take my heart (Love) captive; to get it to bow its knee to the myriad of judgments and societal conditionings that were running through my mind.

    I felt like a complete fuck up with this freedom stuff.

    Then something Ed says often, 'become dumb as a rock' resounded throughout my mind.

    It became clear to me that these thoughts held no truth regarding my beingness...and in that realization I chose to become dumb, to not know anything.

    Rick, I appreciate the honesty and vulnerability in your post.

  12. is there a possibility for us oversea people to join in on the Satsang via Cyberspace?

  13. Maybe this helps, try placing attention 'outside' your body (as though you are watching body itself 'from outside', attention kinda 'expands'), and there will be no thoughts whatsoever. If there will be any, it will be seen as very tiny phenomena which won't 'suck in' and will be seen as though watching any other object 'outside'. I don't know if it makes sense.
    I have experimented this 'aparatus' called body in many ways, somehow we give too much attention to words, concepts, mental world overall and miss that it only plays very very very very limited role in life...

  14. Dear Ed,

    I told you, beginning yesterday that for the first time ever I felt something true. I prefer not to call it anything else as 'true' is what it feels like to me.

    After I finished speaking with you earlier, I began to feel a sort of 'nowness' and a sense or feeling that everything that was happening belonged to this 'nowness.'

    Also, I feel off and on love for what is happening...sort of like the nowness and what is happening are not separate.

    This is gonna go away isn't it...and 'shitty' will return.

    I just know it.