I tried to catch you on Facebook the other day, but unfortunately I missed you. I have been wanting to speak with you, but I suppose this e-mail will do. I always find it best to articulate states and thoughts to you through written e-mails, so perhaps it is better than I am writing anyway.
I am moving to Thailand at the end of this month. I depart on August 24th and am enrolled in a month long TEFL course in the northern city of Chiang Mai. After the course is finished I plan on moving south to look for a job. A friend I studied abroad with said she could probably get me a job at the school she works at, but it isn't certain yet. I don't plan on staying longer than a year or two, and it will be interesting to see what comes of this journey.
The more I go forward, the more lucky and blessed I feel to know you. I prayed to God for a teacher and he gave me you. I've never mentioned this, but before we met, I regularly meditated in a park near my home with little success, and with much dismay in the face of so many traditions and paths, describing something I didn't understand. One night I prayed that if there was a God or any sense of justice in this mad world, a teacher would come into my life and help me. Soon after, I discovered itisnotreal.com and e-mailed you. In retrospect, I now firmly believe that God answered my prayers, and in that moment my life truly began.
I am entirely indebted to you, Edji. Your teachings, from the very beginning when I first found your site, to what they have transformed into now, have been the perfect antidote. As for the new site, the work Jo-Ann and you have put forth to create wearesentience.com has paid off in the form of an incredible spiritual resource for all seekers, and will help many, undoubtedly, reaching and helping more than itisnotreal.com in its previous state ever could. I cannot thank you both enough for this site, let alone organizing Satsang, and all the other services you each have helped provide in the name of helping students understand their nature.
As for my state, I feel increasing love for everything in consciousness, because I see (at least to a certain level) that the totality of consciousness, and the forms within it all arise within 'me'. I see myself in others more and more, and at the same time feel a concrete sense of identity less and less. I feel a continued and palpable sense of existence throughout all the states, instead of only during waking. I am always there, always.
Often times I feel the manifestation is communicating with me as a result of this increasing love for it. Recently, one evening I was distraught over the death of a resident whom lived at the care center near my home and I was close with named, Alice. I was laying on the grass in my backyard, in the moonlight, and I began crying. I was sad about her death, and a sense of frustration pervaded my being, the source of which I did not know. I thought 'God, please just accept me, please, just accept me for who I am.' Then, the brightest shooting star I have ever seen streaked across the sky, and a voice within said 'I accept you, but you must accept yourself'. I was immediately relieved and filled with an extreme sense of wonder, almost fear.
Coincidences like shooting stars, and the voice of guidance have happened to me frequently, and I like to think they are a way God acknowledges and helps me, but this was by far the most intense, and direct experience I have ever had.
I know I should not focus on this experience, but I can not help but marvel at God's beneficence, as its greater depth was revealed to me in that moment.
All in all I am doing well, extraordinarily well. I am so pleased that things are going well for you too, or at least they seem to be. How is the animal side ofwearesentience.com going? Do you need any help with anything? Please let me know. As always I will continue to donate from now on.
I want you to know that I love you, Edji, and I think of you often even though we haven't communicated directly very much lately. I thank you for showing me how to live, and being an example of the highest ideal. I hope to see you in the next Satsang soon.