You say I have had an awakening experience, but I don’t feel any different. I don’t feel I Have anything to teach or say to anyone.
The real consequences of the awakening experiences you have had, and I have had, is that you know nothing, and have gained nothing because most of what you believed before has disappeared. You feel you have no concepts to teach, only your experiences, but no concepts that you had, or hear from others, fit your experiences now---or so it seems. You feel all that you can do is share your experiences. But look how extraordinary your experiences have been.
Gradually, just through repeating the experiences and halting expression of those experiences, your own truth is revealed and expressed. You already have had in one form or another, most of the experiences I had. For almost 12 years I was silent about them as I did not know what they meant. They did not seem to fit what Robert taught or others taught. Then gradually it came togther for me. Ramana sat in silence for 20 years before he did any teaching.
Your truth then is and will be totally your truth based on your experiences, not concepts learned from Ramana, Robert, me or Ramakrishna.
It is then all yours. You need to build your own truth. This is what I am trying to do with you. Have you articulate your experiences and make your own connections, which will differ from mine.
You say you feel no different. But you do feel different. You are much happier now on a consistent basis and you are far better able to articulate your own experiences. You are more confident. Often you just bubble over in happiness and ecstasy, and go into states where consciousness completely disappears and yet you know you are still. How can you say you are not different? Did you feel this a year ago, three years ago?
As to not feeling different, basically we all feel the same at the core. The I Am experience and beyond, Turiya, which always is experienced by everyone as the base state of consciousness that supports all other states; it hardly ever varies. I asked my mom, who is 93. She states that she feels the same as she did when she was 19, except for body pain. The experience of Turiya does not change throughout life, only the body and mind change.
Nisargadatta stated it even more clearly: that base state, the child Krishna state, is always there amidst all your other experiences, sustaining them, giving them life. Awakening does not add to or take away from this state, but does make its awareness more strongly felt. Thus you always feel the same deep inside, whether you are a sage, saint or sinner.
This Turiya gets lost because it is covered by concepts, desires and interests and endless experiences in the world. But you are clearly aware of this state now even in sleep and in dream. These states of consciousness pass by in front of you and you witness them. You also realize you always have been able to do this, at least since college. Yet you have never made anything of this experience until now. Maybe you figured everyone had it. This is rare to experience without training, but it is the common experience of all of us, but for most it is hidden from awareness.
How then can you say you have not changed? You are realizing you have always been awakened, and you are happy. How many can say this?
Thank you for not having given up on me. I never trust my experiences although they are quite amazing at the time. I love my ecstasy and the depth of love for you.
The intesnity and quality of your love is the greates gift I could have received.