Have you ever had a time when you had no ambitions, weren't happy and weren't unhappy either? That breathing seemed even a chore? If so, how did you come out of it? My friends joke that all I seem to do is breathe and meditate. My family doesn't speak to me much because I just can't seem to get too interested. I am a complete introvert who has always been spiritual since I was a kid. I do care about people, I just don't get involved. One of my friends says I'm tamasic. (Ayurveda's term for too much water in the body). I just don't seem to feel too much progress inside. I applied to Yogananda's Fellowship to get the lessons. Maybe they'll help. What do you think? Susan
Again there appears to be a mixture of questions and feelings.
Have no ambitions and being neither happy nor unhappy seems like a good things to me, that is, withdrawing from the world. Good for you.
But when you say even breathing seems a chore, that sounds like depression. I don't know. I'd have to see you and talk to you to see if I see depression there. Depression is best treated with medication, far more effectively than psychotherapy or meditation.
The withdrawal, not speaking, being an introvert; all those sound great to me.
As to Tamistic, screw that; that is someone else's theory and they don't even exist. They are your fantasies.
Feeling no progress is good because where is there to go? You already are you, and that's all you have to do, abide and rest in You. That is what you are doing, going inwards.
Regarding Yoganada. Forget it. Robert left Yogananda when he was 18 because Yogananda wanted him to go to Ramana, because both had awakened when very young, spontaneously. Robert said Yogananda couldn't wait to get rid of him because Robert knew al the exercises Yogananda recommended were at a very low level. I too found SRF rather empty after two years or so.
These are lower teachings. Forget them. If you are attracted to Robert, go for it. Jnana and pure Bhakti are the two highest ways.
Besides, you can't be that withdrawn. You got married didn't you? You may be withdrawn in that relationship, but you did get married. Lots of withdrawn spiritual types never get married.
Don't forget singing either.
OK. I just wanted your opinion on this because I get scary quiet and my friends find me boring. I'm not depressed however, I do like to sing and take care of elderly people. That's what I do for a living. But, I have been known to sit still for as long as I can get away with it. Maharishi told all of us to stop taking medication because it prevents you from transcending. On another note...none of my spiritual practices are bringing me any joy any more. I just enjoy quiet, solitude, sunshine, flowers and animals. My husband wants me to get my Siddhi initiation next month and I don't want them. I guess breathing becomes a chore when I get aggravated I can't be quiet for as long as I want. Thanks again for your help. Susan
Well you are boring. So what? Robert was extremely boring to anybody but the rare ones who got what he had to offer.
If you want, take the initiation to please him/them, then don't bother with it. It's no skin off your back.
Being quiet is the key. Most people have to struggle to get quiet.