Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

From Susan,

Dear Ed,

I was reading your online satsangs. Some are quite invigorating!! (i.e. Eric's)
Here is my question: If the presence with me is still an object in consciousness then I can only conclude that no matter what "I" perceive in my pursuit of the Self, it is not obtainable because it is not perceivable? Or....the gap in between sleep where there is no perception is something that will awaken in this body/mind? Help!! After I really felt like someone was watching me yesterday, something happened to really scare me. I got scared that no matter what I did, I couldn't become Self-realized and that I will have to just be quiet and dissolve. I'm terrified of not existing. Susan

Susan,

You will need to articulate your questions more clearly and in detail. There seem to be three questions jumbled together.

Here is what I think you mean. No, the Self is not attainable because you are the self, always have been, always will be, before and after life. You should just rest in yourself. Then, one day, the I-thought disappears and you become the totality of consciousness.

However, consciousness is still perceived; the self-luminous Void is still perceived. Who is perceiving. If you seek this, you will reach the no I thought state--maybe--definitely if you persevere. But, it will come unexpectedly.

The next step, recognizing that everything, including the screen of consciousness is unreal, happens when you pass from consciousness, to sleep, to dreaming and find these states are only thought stuff on you. YOU, cannot be perceived.

So the best practices are either self-inquiry to find no-I-thought, or to do nothing except rest in yourself without seeking.

At this point, this is only philosophy for you. Don't think about this stuff because it is a distraction. Just abide in yourself and all will become clear. If not, you will become a not-self-realized philosopher.

Thank you. You cleared everything up for me.

Susan