I wrote to you a while back, couple of months ago. You gave me the boldest replay and it was a shocking relief. I couldn't believe what you wrote at the time but I took it to a great... what is the word... well it was the best thing any one had ever said to me. You said
“None of this is happening to you; what I am is untouched, and that it is my mind that is embroiled in the pain, which is only a concept, and that there is no me to do anything I am already complete, perfect, beyond the world and existence.
This was very helpful. I still read it time to time.
O n your site you speak about the importance of a teacher ( I thought to be impossible for me to find in this city). shortly after being emerged in your site for awhile I found a site that welcomed me to telephone sessions Spiritual Healing Fellowship so I've been doing The Course In Miracles since I already had it and read Joel Goldsmith.
I find the Christian terminology difficult at times but this has been a help towards transcendence, I think. Sometimes I have felt so afraid and have felt extremely depressed. Is this usual to experience such confusing lows on journey to freedom?
Truth is truth I know, but why is it coming from you feel warm and cozy, and his feels like much work is to be done. It doesn't feel good or comforting but I think it's a help. How does one know they've found the teacher suitable for them? Is it the dying daily that is so uncomfortable?
He's assured me it's okay and the ego is stronger than ever now. I know he has awakened though it may be an issue of being incompatible. Geez even talking about it makes me tense, should I walk from this teacher??
Anyway, I feel more crazy than ever, but meditation is good, though it's starting to feel like a pressure compared to before. I don't enjoy it as much as the beginning, I'm sorry to have become so negative all of the sudden.
I am.wanting that peace again. Now I am a "seeker". Listening to The Cosmic Joke... I love. Really needed to hear it, I was really beginning to take things way to seriously.
Thank you thank Ed! Thanks for your web site! it has brought much much comfort!! Thanks for reading my story, it became quite a letter.
I am sorry you feel so much confusion. This is normal if you have no teacher or if you have many teachers and are caught between their varying concepts. Many teachers, like many books, will lead you nowhere.
If you felt comfort from what I said, this might be the teaching style for you. It will take you to the place of ultimate peace and happiness.
I am not familiar with the course in miracles, but from what you say, it is a low form of teachings that will never bring enlightenment. If your present teacher says you ego is stronger now that ever before, he does not understand and cannot help you at all. You have a spiritual friend so to speak, not an enlightened teacher.
I’d like to suggest to you to get Robert’s first book, Silence of the Heart. If that brings you some peace, then you know the way of Jnana is your way. If this is true, get his second book and read Ramana Maharshi little book, “Who am I.” By this time you will know.
When you find your true teacher it may take some time before you know whether he is yours or not. It took me a couple of years with Robert, but I had known my true path was Jnana from 1968 until the awakening in 1995. I was particularly dense. It may not take you so long.
In the meantime, tend to your child, he or she is your teacher for now. Whatever meditation you are pursuing now is probably incorrect unless it is to turn your attention inward instead of outwards into the world. This is best accomplished by asking yourself, “Who am I,” and looking inward to find the source of the I thought.
In fact, looking inwards to find the source of any thought is a proper way, but the “I thought” is the beginning and end of all thoughts.
You may not find this suitable for you ate this point because of your untrained mind. If this is the case, practice the opening of the third eye meditation or the microanalysis meditation. Even this sort of mediation you may not think possible, but it is the final mediation, so why not start with the final meditation. I assure you will have doubts and confusion along the way and this will persist until your mind becomes focused. It is not easy, it will be a chore. Then sometimes it will feel extremely easy and no chore at all. It will feel like you have done this exercise all your life. The experience changes, but who you really are is beyond the experiences.
I cannot really advise you too much in an email, because I would have to see you and talk before I had a better feel for your “presence.”
I would suggest walking away from your present teacher unless you are terribly spiritually lonely. If you want, you can call me from time to time. I will give you the number in a separate email.