HERE IS A MESSAGE SENT TO ME ABOUT SOMEONE WHO HAD AN AWAKENING EXPERIENCE BUT STILL EXPERIENCES NEGATIVE FEELINGS.

Hello Edward, please I need some help from you.

10 years ago I was just stopping my drug abusing and went in total shift with my life. Meditation and slight isolation. After short period of meditation 2 times per a day for around 15 min each I was fully aware that I was not the body or mind. I lost every fear and every desire, witnessing through the day the movement of body, mind, and thoughts.

I was at perfect peace for 6 months. After that, one day in the shower, I notice that there is no more me, there and then fear started bcz I didn't have nothing to cling anymore. I also didn't knew anyone from my town to help me with that fear neither I knew some teacher or basically anybody..

In short I had a lot of anxiety before that but by observing it or witnessing it I was gone. Until last year I was living relatively ok but last 1 year anxiety and phobia of travelling in tunnels subway airplane or just through motorway road.. It is really not nice to live like that and I am lost I don't know how to deal with that and my life is about lot of some short trips to work or private matter.

Last 10 year at least 1 time I do 30 min meditation but usually more.. Please do advice me how to step out from that state of fear of phobia of mentioned things. Thank you!

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MY RESPONSE:

You step out by eating that fear and phobias. That is, let them take you over. Accept the feelings. Let them into your heart. Love the feelings. Become them. Identify with them.

If you can do that, they will dissipate into the greatest bliss you can know. Their energy will be added to you.

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ROBERT'S AWAKENING EXPERIENCE

Many people who read Silence of the Heart or the book of his complete transcripts, believe that the understand Robert's teachings. But for them, they only understand their own concepts based on an identification with their bodies, and as bodies that are alive, are human, and are embedded in family and society.

No one can undderstand Robert unless they have had similar awakening experiences which result in the beginning of disidentification with their bodies, their minds, and their humanities, and begin to identify with consciousness itself.

For Robert, that first experience happened when he was 14 in his famous math-exam awakening. Someone should locate his description of his experience and post it as a comment.

But basically, his consciousness became aware of the life force within his own body and its dynamic identity with consciousness itself.

It was experienced as a great white light, as bright as a thousand suns, yet jot burning hot. This light carried his consciousness upwards and outwards, quickly filling the universe, and he was that light, that consciousness that suddenly became aware of itself finding his new identity as consciousness itself, not as his former identity as the human named Robert.

In that brief experience Robert realzed himself as God, as Consciousness, as the life force transcending his identity as Robert.

Until you have a similar experience, you cannot really own Robert's teachings as your own, for they will only be concepts based on your reading, education, and identity as a human. You can only think about transcending your humanhood, but you can never really know what it is like as a liberating experience until you have this kind of disidentification with the body and mind experience.

In my own estimation, of all the many teachers out there claiming to not have a self, maybe one in 50 or 60 have had a similar experience to Robert's.

There are other types of awakening experiences that lead to the same result, but this is the juciest type of experience because everything within you is awakened to the inner light of consciousness, the presence of the life force within, discovery of the potential purity of consciousness not identified with the messiness of life as a human.

This is certainly not the final awakening, but it is an essential component of the total process of becoming a Jnani--the goal of Advaitin teachers. Eventually consciousness itself must be transcended.

The Power That Knows the Way

Robert never had many students.  The messages, "You don't exist; the world is an optical illusion; you are nothing, your mind is your enemy; do nothing; be still," is not a message that appeals to many westerners.

Nor is the message, "You are not your body or your mind, you are consciousness itself," that helpful unless you define what consciousness is.   Many people when they hear that begin to imagine or create special states or imagine transcendent states, something new and special.

But Robert was talking about your everyday consciousness, the one you awake with each morning.  That 16-hour a day consciousness is all that there is for you.  It contains all of your knowledge, all of your experience, all of your memories right now in consciousness, and that consciousness is not very steady or reliable.  It comes and goes, and with it, comes and goes our experiences of self-existence, of being alive, and in that totality of sentient experience lies your body and mind, with which you identify, even though the body disappears at night when consciousness disappears.

Without consciousness your body does not exist for you.  Consciousness comes first, then the body and mind and the world.

All your spiritual knowledge too is contained in your every day consciousness.  It is your only inheritance.  Your most basic tool.

But by focusing on this consciousness, by making consciousness itself an object, you loosen your identification with the body and mind, because they are just small parts of your consciousness.  There is the external world, sounds, sights, smells, etc.

And inside that consciousness, many people can locate a sense of I or I Am, as a center of gravity of consciousness within your self-experience.

Focusing your attention on that I, that sense that you are, that you exist, can bring you to the most exquisite state of self-realization, when you realize that this consciousness is infinite, divine, and is God itself.

Many of my students have discovered this within themselves which  first appears to be separate from your sense of existence, like a divine object, like God within.  I call this the life force, some call it Shakti.  Robert called it "The Power That Knows The Way."

That is, in sefl-realization, your consciousness becomes aware of the divine energies within, their expansions and contractions, and how they fill your body and your sense of presence with life.  You become aware of the root, the impersonal power of the life force that lives through you and which you are now aware of.

With this experience of self-realization, consciousness begins to reveal all of its secrets to you.  After that there is a continuous, spontaneous unfolding of the power that knows the way without you needing to do anything more.

Your identity as a human, as a body/mind, is an illusion," Robert would say. "Your true identity is with the totality of the consciousness that you experience."

Your goal in the spiritual search is to stop searching, and instead, immerse in the totality of your experience of consciousness, which includes your most essential experience, that you exist and with your existence, arises the experience of the world.

Instead of believing that you are a human being limited to a body existing in a real external world of space and time, realize that all that you knw is your consciousness. All knowledge acquired from preachers, teachers, and gurus is added on to you. It is external philosophy. What you are is prior to all of that added knowledge.

Without you existing and knowing that you are, that added knowledge would have no effect. So just get back to your most basic experience of existence. Immerse in your own existence, the totality of which your experience of your own body is just a small part. You are not that object.

This is the radical conclusion Robert Adams wants you to reach. But he says do not just trust his words, find out for yourself. With an empty and silent mind, just immerse yourself in your own existence, the totality of your own experience.

Robert is asking you to follow him into a radically new way of looking at yourself and the world.  He puts the emphasis on consciousness, not the body in the world, into a real physical existence.

He asks, do you remember your own birth?  Of course not you say.

Then how do you know you were born?  Somebody toild you about your birth, didn't they?  This is not direct knowledge, this is indirect based on other people's testimony.

He would say, "You think you are a body that awakens in the morning, and sleeps at night.  But is this true?"

Robert has a different approach. He says, so to speak, "What if you are not a body that has consciousness, but rather consciuousness that perceives a body and the world? How does that change things?"  

Now Robert did not actually say this, but he could have. He is really asking you to forget all that you think you know and instead actually look at and feel your own first-hand experience for the first time.

Watch how consciousness arises in the morning and the sequence after the arising of awareness. At first there is awareness without words, without the understanding that there is an I, a sense of existing.  He calls this the "gap," and this gap is all-important.  On top of the gap, the 'I' arises, and with it the appearance of the external world.

At night an opposite process takes place where gradually you descend into a pleasant darkness with no thoughts, no I and no world.  Then you many dream, which is an artifact of the mind.

When you awaken again it feels as if there is a you embodied in a body, situated in a real external world.  But this is what you have been taught.  This is not your direct experience.  Your direct experience is that you and the world have arisen similtaneously from out of an unknowing awareness, which itself arose out of a dark nothingness. 

Each morning you arise from nothingness and become alive, and each evening, you die to the world and become absorbed into nothingness.

Yet you take the external world and your physical body as the true reality, while what you really know is only objects within your consciousness, some of whom have taught you that you were born into this world as an infant.

Then you begin to remember going to school and taking classes on spelling, grammar, and mathematics.  You learn about the world, American government, World War I and II, the  Soviet Union, Deocrasy, and the natural forces in the external world.  Yet this is all second hand knowledge which are memories you store.  Robert asks you to drop these memories and look instead at the arising and passing away of your consciousness throughout your day.  Take your consciousness as the only reality and how does that change how and what you experience?

Think of this. Every morning from Nothingness you arise as consciousness. Then you are aware you are. Then you come aware of your body in bed. Then you are aware that you are thinking. Then you are aware of the room around you and outside noises.

From Nothingness you come each day.

And at the end of the day, to Nothingness you return.

So, which are you? Nothingness or Consciousness? Certainly not the objects of consciousness, since they only come into existence only when you are consciousness.

The objects are only present when you are aware of them. You are not aware of Nothingness when there is no consciousness.

Consciousness comes and goes. Objects come and go; they are born or created, exist for a while, then disappear or disintegrate.

What is real? The world, Consciousness? Nothingness? Or is the "real" that which perceives the coming and going of consciousness?

Think on this. Watch the arising of consciousness each morning. Sit in silence with an empty mind and just watch consciousness. Do this for a while and you will begin to understand the nature of consciousness and your self.

PROGRESS REPORT--EMAIL TO ME

Dear Edji, Namaskar to you,

As the sinking into the self continues the energy movement is increasing. I get shots of bliss . It's like a gush of pure bliss runs through me and I am drowned in it. It's exactly like going in the deep waters of the ocean. This happens in the formal meditation and it happens few times. Like waves it comes. Then I pose the question of who is experiencing .

Today when I was posing the question it just happened like some one has shot me in my heart area and there is huge whole and I can see the other side..also the same thing I am sensing in the third eye too. All I feel this vast empty golden light filled space and I go its edge and it expands. There is no up or down. These are the experiences of the formal meditation.

Now during the waking state the emotions are running high. I am experiencing all types of emotions. Anger, irritation,sadness(no reason but tears are there). But the awareness is so sharp that the attention moves to the feeling of the emotion and it is vanishing like a vapour. This is happening all the time. The surrender to the energy which is doing the play is continuous . The trust that whatever is unfolding in this physical world it is happening on its own and the ego ' I ' which used to claim that I have done this or that is very minimum. Because the moment it arises the attention goes there to take care of it..

Edji I do hope that your guidance and blessings will continue ..and help me in this journey.

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Ed's Reply: This is the becoming Brahma state or knowledge. It is filled with knowledge and bliss, Satchitananda. Some readers want to go beyond this immediately, but you cheat yourself if you do. You definitely want to know all about your Manifest Self, before going beyond. In fact, I don;t see how you can go beyond the bliss state until you absorb it completely.

Also, notice this person is experiencing a massive movement of upwelling emotions as part of the process of abiding in the I Am sense, and how open he it to it, and how the emotions are dissipated and absorbed into the I Am.

YOU ARE BRAHMAN

You awaken in the morning and suddenly you are aware that you are, that you exist.  At the same time you become aware of your body lying in bed, and you hear noises in the room and from outside: birds, cars, people, airplanes.
What has happened is that consciousness has arisen and it is that consciousness that knows it exists, perceives your body and the world.  You body is a perception in you--consciousness.

All that you know is in this consciousness:  thr world, your body, your mind, and the sense I Am, I exist.  The room that you see around you is in your consciousness. Robert and Ramana would say it has no existence independently outside of your consciousness, because consciousness is all that exists.

You are the totality of Manifest consciousness. Your body, your mind, you separate sense of individuality are all objects within the totality of the manifest universe created by your consciousness.  With this you realize you are the totality of consciousness, and with this comes more and more discoveries of the nature of consciousness.

It is complete and self-contained. In it is bliss and knowledge of your existence.  Your sense of individuality is only something observed in the totality of your consciousness.  Dwell there iin consciousness as consciousness,  You are not your body and not your mind.

This is step one, the recognition that you are Brahman.

A Little Bit More Information on Robert's Talks

I wanted to clear up an issue that caused some people to have problems understanding Robert.

Robert was not always consistent when speaking about our deepest identity. He was always clear that we are not our bodies nor our minds.

But when it came to Consciousness he spoke in differing ways.

He began almost every other Satsang by saying, "You do not exist," or, "You are nothing at all." He did not say that the person you think you are does not exist, or the ideas you have of who or what you are does nt exist. He said, "You do not exist,: which is far deeper and more powerful.

At other times he spoke as if you had existence, but not a human existence, stating your true self (so to speak), was Satchitananda (existence/knowledge/bliss), or Brahman (God), or consciousness (as seen from his perspective). You might say this is the Manifest aspect of your existence, what I call the Manifest Self, with its sense of self-recognition, sense of presence, knowledge of the I-Am, knowledge of one's bliss and energy body.

This is the carrot side of his teachings, getting to bliss, supreme knowledge, and peace.

The other side though, is that all of this Consciousness arises from and is observed by that which has no existence, is before or beyond existence, before the I Am, before or beyond Consciousness.

Knowledge itself is part of Consciousness. Consciousness is that which brings us sense data, which Robert would call "apparent" data, because for him, any appearance in Consciousness was unreal, just a constant flowing of forms, including our bodies and our minds.

About Consciousness itself, Robert varied. Rarely he stated who you are lay beyond or before Consciousness. At other times he said Consciousness was all that there was. These are not contradictory. Indeed, Consciousness is all that exists, all that is, but he is also quite clear when he says, "You do not exist." That is, what you are in the deepest sense is beyond existence, beyond the Manifest body and Universe.

But Robert was really wary of doubling down on the message that you were nothing, and often said you were something, such as Satchitananda or Brahman, which are experiential. Bliss is experienced. Knowledge occurs in consciousness, while nothingness is not self aware, nothingness is aware of Consciousness, and Consciousness is self-aware of itself, and that is what we identify with, bodies and minds existing in Consciousness.

And that consciousness arises spontaneously in us when we awaken in the morning, and passes away when we sleep, passing into nothingness. This allws us to gradually understand that what we are lies before or beyond Consciousness. That is, we as the Absolute, the unborn, lies deep within, and Consciousness arises within that, and blossus forth as I and the world.

As Robert says, the highest teachings are in silence, for you are before the first thought or first word arises.

BEYOND CONSCIOUSNESS

Robert used to say, "You are beyond the body, you are beyond the mind. He would also say "You are the witness of these."  Robert used the term "beyond" meaning you are apart from body, mind, consciousness.  Nisargadatta used another term, indicating you are "prior to" mind, body, world.  Both emphasize that your real nature has nothing to do with the world, your body, or your mind.

Think about it.

You can observe the external world with your senses.  You can see your body from the outside or in a mirror.  You can feel your body from the inside. You can watch your mind.  

In meditation you can find the inner Void or emptiness.  You can look outside into the world and see the space between all objects, and also watch them change through time.  You can witness your own sense of existence and your sense of presence and your inner energies that make up the Manifest Self.

In other words, you can observe the entirety of consciousness, but you cannot observe yourself, for you are not in consciousness.  You are beyond it or before it.  You can only step backwards so to speak, and be the witness watching the world, your body, your thoughts and emotions.  True, consciousness is all there there is, but you don't exist, as Robert said, you are beyond existence, beyond space and time, beyond consciousness.

My only difficulty with Robert's teachings is that most people will never get it because they never have had a great experience of themselves as the Manifest Self, as the I Am made large into a deep experience of the totality of consciousness, and as such they cannot move beyond it.

Many people gravitated to Robert because they were miserable, suffering, torn by emotions, loss, or confused and just wanted out of life's struggles.  But without the blissful experiences of knowing well the bliss of consciousness, the full sense of separate existence, and knowledge of consciousness, they could not go beyond it.

WHO ARE YOU?

You can watch yourself waking up in the morning.  First there is darkness. Then there is awareness without thought or words, or even the world or self.  Then you come fully alive because you remember where you are in bed and what is happening in your life.

This final state is the arising of the I Am sense that you exist, and simultaneously, you are aware of the existence of the world.

Robert says seek the source of the I-thought.  If you carefully watch your awakening, the source lies in what Robert calls the "gap," that brief period of time that awareness arises, a state without thought or mind, and from which arises the sense of I and of Am, I exist. 

Simultaneously arises the awareness of a separate world.
Now, if you sit in meditation, or quietly in a chair or while lying in bed, you can be simultaneously aware of both the I Am sense, and the world,  They are both watched as "objects" by the watcher.  You  are aware there is a witness watching both the I Am and the world of objects embedded in space, and changing through time.

However, because the waking and I Am appear to happen within the body, and the world appears to be observed as existing outside the body.  But if you are quiet and do not think or label, you will recognize that not only are you aware of the I Am as separate from the witness, but so too obviously is the observed world.  We do not take the world to be us.  But exactly in the same way, we can observe and also feel the (our) bodies as being objects no different from the I Am sensation and the external world.

So, what do we realize from this? We realize that the Witness is separate from the observed existence of the body, the world, and the I Am sensation, and all of that observed consciousness is added onto it.

This is why Robert says you do not exist and that the world is unreal.  Both the I Am and the world come and go. 

Consciousness comes and goes; it arises and subsides. 

Consciousness is just temporary and changeable, and we are separate from it, witnessing it.  Only the witness does not change, yet it is Consciousness itself that understands and articulates that Consciousness is only temporary and unreal. 

It arises, and from it comes the sense of I, of separate existence, and the world, both at the same time.

Play with this understanding. Lie in bed each morning and watch the coming and going of consciousness.  Noting that you are watching the coming and going of consciousness. 

Then notice that you are aware of the coming and going of consciousness, and therefore you are not consciousness, your body, or the world, or the mind.

TO BE WITH ROBERT AGAIN

I was with Robert for six years before I had my first two awakening experiences described in detail on the website http://www.wearesentience.com/my-experiences.html. 

These experiences conformed exactly to Robert’s teachings.

The first was the experience of the disappearance of a sense of self.  The was only unity Consciousness with no center and no separate self.  All was created by mind, including the I-thought.

The second occurred a few weeks later when I awakened but did not feel any different than when I was asleep.  The was me, and I could not observe myself, but I was, and the states of Consciousness, awake, sleep, and dream, came to me and passed over without me being touched.  I had nothing to do with Consciousness.

For 15 years I dwelled in this truth, this understanding until early 2010 when I had a third awakening to what I called the Manifest Self, also known as Atman, the incarnation of the divine into the human form.  I felt God within my energetic body and within my sense of presence.  God was I Am, and there was a center of light, energy, love located deeply within.  For six years I have taught about the Manifest Self and its strong urge to manifest the life force in the world.

But that urge has weakened in me during the last year, and have been having “flashes” of a different kind of awakening more similar to my no self, no-Consciousness awakening under Robert.  In these experiences my mind knows nothing. I become dumb as a rock as I have been urging all of you, and gradually the Manifest World and my body disappears into nothingness and I experience the most profound peace imaginable.

Had I not had the awakening of the Manifest Self six years ago, the flashes I am having today would not have been possible.  Knowing myself as the Godhead, as embodied Shakti, as bliss and love for five solid years proved enough. 

The experience of the I Am sensation is still present, and still 100 times stronger than before awakening the Atman six years ago, but still it’s captivation has lessened. Six years ago I shouted about my bliss and the dancing, powerful energies that coursed within and around my body and sense of presence.  I felt huge and powerful moving hand in hand with Shakti, Mother Kali.  But the wonder of it all is leaving, slowly.  It is still there, but hollow compared to  two or three years ago. The light of Consciousness is always there, but my presence now feels more hollow, filled and hollowed by emptiness.

Then all begins to collapse, the entire field of Consciousness, not into space, but into Nothingness, and the greatest peace ever, that is so deep that it brings a different kind of bliss, so subtle, so soothing, and so close to nothingness, beingless.

Thus when I talk about Robert’s teachings and what he was like, it comes from having been with him for eight years, awakening under him, then spending 15 years sort of adrift in emptiness, until finally Shakti showed me what Consciousness was all about, the Manifestation of God and the life force in the world.

I notice now that I don’t want anything, at least not as before. Now I am approaching a time of being able to embrace Robert at his own level without the distraction of the impulsive life force.

THERE IS NO PROOF OF THE EXISTENCE OF THE ABSOLUTE OTHER THAN YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE.

Robert used to say, "Be aware of the arising of the I when you awaken." It comes from nothingness and returns to nothingness each day.

If you can just stay in that twilight state when you first awaken, stabilize there, and then go back and forth between sleep and waking, you will experience that there is "something" that is aware of the comings and goings of Consciousness.  It is not really a thing, but a "behind" state from  which all other states of Consciousness arise. Every morning your Consciousness is born out of nothingness.

Meditators also go through this state of the disappearance of Consciousness and its reappearance,  and thereby become aware that they ultimately are the witness of its coming and going.  Then yu can learn how to rest in the Witness state even while you experience body and mind, but there will be no words or thoughts there, only the deepest and most incredible peace.

Robert's Secret Teaching

Here is a secret.

Robert always talked in Satsang that Consciousness is everything and that no one exists as an individual. 
But if you look at the complete book of his transcripts, you'll see one Satsang entitled Prior to Consciousness.  Only one, although he hints at it at other times.

He told me privately that he had to be careful what he said--jokingly I hope--"people would kill me."  He felt that people were not ready to hear that they were not only did not exist as the mental stories we tell ourselves about who and what we are but we are also not the I Am, God, Consciousness.  

In fact, during that Satsang, he talked about being prior to Consciousness and was nearly yelled down by one person who yelled there can't be anything before Consciousness, because his understand was that Consciousness was everything. How can there be a prior to?

Ultimately we are absolute nothingness that does not know itself.  Consciousness is the the "telescope" by which we know ourselves, but Nothingness lies before, ontologically prior to Consciousness, and therefore we cannot know Nothingness. 

Robert usually taught just one that one level: realizing that you are not a person only; that part of you is ephemeral and dies.  But you are also the "I Am" sensation, God, Consciousness, which Hidus refer to as the godhead located in the incarnated human.  But then he often talked about also being Brahman, that which lies "above" or prior to the individuated godhead of Atman, Satchitananda, and not explaining that this is altogether apart from Consciousness, which we witness and identify with as objects within Consciousness.

Yes, you are altogether beyond the world, beyond God, but without Consciousness that witness knows nothing anymore, nt even itself.  Yet out of this Nothingness will pop a new sentient being somewhere in the manifest universe, forming a new POV by which the Absolute can witness its manifestation.

This is not so hard to believe now that cosmologists hold that the physical universe popped out of Nothingness.  Before the Big Bang there was nt ever spece.  The Big Bang creating of matter and energy created both space and time.  But Nothingness is the bed from which the universe was created.

Talk, talk, talk, talk. God, spirit, insentient body, I, I-Am, me, you, non-dual, dualistic, peace, love, Satchitananda, Subtle Body, Causal Body, Shakti, bliss, Kundalini, Chakras, Advaita versus Kashmir Shaivism, Buddhism, emptiness, the Void, the Absolute, Ramana, Robert Adams, Papaji, teachings, meditation, samadhi, sahaj samadhi, Gunas, praktriti, purusha, self-realization, enlightened one, jnani, ajnani, Krishnamurti, karma, ego, mind, no mind--a bewildering array of mostly empty concepts entertaining the mind of the seeker. Can you not see that it would take a dozen years just to understand what all these concepts mean, let alone know if any were "true?"

Drop the talk, look and feel inside, and just be who you are without any understanding.

Seeking "correct" understanding is not spirituality. It is "spiritual" entertainment.

Some of that entertainment can be awesome, but most is just perplexing, arguing about which guru was right, forcing Ramana down someone's throat, referring to quotes of Nisargadatta to settle everything.

All are caught in the network of thought, or thinking about spiritual attaining.

Shut the fuck up, turn your attention towards yourself, and then become yourself.

No need to borrow all these silly ass concepts from dead gurus from ancient and dead cultures.

Be the expert on your own self, not an excellent reciter of Ramana's thousand concepts and quotes. You are lost, caught in the thought nets of a thousand dead guides.

Do yourself a favor and leave it all alone.

Turn your attention to your own self, and with vigor just be that which you find, not a Nisargadatta parrot.

Also, no matter how beautiful, soft, or welcoming Robert's words are, they are his truth, or as he put it, his confession. Make your own truth from you, not by bringing Robert;s concepts into you. What is your own confession?

What I have found for myself, is that I keep moving, expanding, contracting, knowing, not knowing, never the same from moment to moment. Even this statement is wrong.

MARIE SCHUCKLES AND 150 HOMELESS CATS NEED YOUR HELP!

Marie, 2013 at old Safeway site

When I left Northridge (L.A. Suburb) and moved to Phoenix, I left care of my four feral cat colonies with 22 cats to my long-time friend and fellow colony manager, Marie Schuckles.  I have worked with Marie since 2003 helping tend to the thousands of homeless street cats in the San Fernando Valley.  Marie takes care of nearly 30 feral cat colonies in the Northridge area numbering around 150 cats.  I have made monthly contributions to Marie to provide for the cats I left behind as well as for her own, just as I did when living in Los Angeles.  Most the cats I have at home are from the streets of Northridge or Santa Monica.

Marie at old Safeway
 location 2013

But Marie, aged 69 and mostly retired, has informed me that she is ill.  Doctors discovered a large mass in her uterus, and she needs to undergo a total hysterectomy, which will put her out of operation for two to three months.  She is soliciting other caretakers to cover her (and mine) cat colonies while she is off work and recovering.  But colony managers tend to be poor, and these caretakers need money for food and medications while Marie heals to care for her 150 cats.

A dozen cats a few blocks South of Plummer,
 Northridge

I find it amazing that the poorest people, those who have the least materially, are the one’s wealthiest in compassion and hands-on caretaking.  They most clearly feel the lives and problems of others, both human, but especially animals.

These two are located at the first colony I managed.
These are second generation males and now in good shape.

I am asking you to help Marie and her interim caretakers by sending some funds for the next three months to:

Marie Schuckles

8860 Corbin  Ave, #276

Northridge, CA   91324  

Two cats at doughnut shop on Reseda

Parking lot $1 store, Reseda Blvd near CSUN

These were Jimmy's cats when he lived on the railroad tracks in Northridge.  Police and security harassed him, jailed him, and destroyed his camp.  Marie and I had to sneak in very late, as police were stationed there to prevent us feeding them. Eventually all were trapped and relocated to an indoor setting.

A large Furr Ball that showed up by a group of 3 feeding by wall of an apartment house building. The owner eventually discovered, harassed me, and threw the cat food away. Had to move feeding station elsewhere, but not all cats accounted for.