TO BE WITH ROBERT AGAIN
I was with Robert for six years before I had my first two awakening experiences described in detail on the website http://www.wearesentience.com/my-experiences.html.
These experiences conformed exactly to Robert’s teachings.
The first was the experience of the disappearance of a sense of self. The was only unity Consciousness with no center and no separate self. All was created by mind, including the I-thought.
The second occurred a few weeks later when I awakened but did not feel any different than when I was asleep. The was me, and I could not observe myself, but I was, and the states of Consciousness, awake, sleep, and dream, came to me and passed over without me being touched. I had nothing to do with Consciousness.
For 15 years I dwelled in this truth, this understanding until early 2010 when I had a third awakening to what I called the Manifest Self, also known as Atman, the incarnation of the divine into the human form. I felt God within my energetic body and within my sense of presence. God was I Am, and there was a center of light, energy, love located deeply within. For six years I have taught about the Manifest Self and its strong urge to manifest the life force in the world.
But that urge has weakened in me during the last year, and have been having “flashes” of a different kind of awakening more similar to my no self, no-Consciousness awakening under Robert. In these experiences my mind knows nothing. I become dumb as a rock as I have been urging all of you, and gradually the Manifest World and my body disappears into nothingness and I experience the most profound peace imaginable.
Had I not had the awakening of the Manifest Self six years ago, the flashes I am having today would not have been possible. Knowing myself as the Godhead, as embodied Shakti, as bliss and love for five solid years proved enough.
The experience of the I Am sensation is still present, and still 100 times stronger than before awakening the Atman six years ago, but still it’s captivation has lessened. Six years ago I shouted about my bliss and the dancing, powerful energies that coursed within and around my body and sense of presence. I felt huge and powerful moving hand in hand with Shakti, Mother Kali. But the wonder of it all is leaving, slowly. It is still there, but hollow compared to two or three years ago. The light of Consciousness is always there, but my presence now feels more hollow, filled and hollowed by emptiness.
Then all begins to collapse, the entire field of Consciousness, not into space, but into Nothingness, and the greatest peace ever, that is so deep that it brings a different kind of bliss, so subtle, so soothing, and so close to nothingness, beingless.
Thus when I talk about Robert’s teachings and what he was like, it comes from having been with him for eight years, awakening under him, then spending 15 years sort of adrift in emptiness, until finally Shakti showed me what Consciousness was all about, the Manifestation of God and the life force in the world.
I notice now that I don’t want anything, at least not as before. Now I am approaching a time of being able to embrace Robert at his own level without the distraction of the impulsive life force.