Hello, my name is K. 

I have been searching, studying for over 20 years now, everything from advaita, budhism sufism etc and non dual christianity.

I have been coming to your website and blog for a while and this is the first time i felt the need to speak to you. I have no outward teacher i just follow the heart wherever it leads me to Truth.

At the moment I am gradually resting more and more in and as Spirit, nothing special really, just the mind becomes silent knowing that Spirit, Reality is right here, wherever i am there is Spirit. I also know that the world seemingly out there is an image of Spirit, the mind creates the image, but it is always Spirit appearing to be a person, a tree, a bed etc and as Spirit is omnipresent I am Spirit appearing to be a human body walking around a world, 

Today, something happened that has showed me Spirit in action when the mind is totally resting, letting Truth outpicture Truth.

I woke up in the morning to the fact that i had run out of money, electric and the kids needed bread and milk for breakfast (having no job money seems to go fast) my mind started its usual thing, raving, freaking, panicking, how come i cannot even feed my kids, what are we gonna do when electricity runs out etc, I let it rumble on and on but i knew the Truth, where the mind sees lack, of money bread or whatever is not Truth, how can infinite Spirit run out of anything, I knew these are just pictures projected by the mind, there was no Truth in them and a huge smile took over my face, joy and bliss filled my entire Being, right here where the mind sees something wrong something to fix , I recognise Spirit only, I recognise My Self only, Only I am. 

There was only peace and joy.

So, there was nothing to do, why try and change the image? I went on cleaning the house resting as Spirit, 10 mn later my husband calls me, showing me a letter that had just come through the post, and inside was 37 pounds worth of vouchers earned for being a good customer to spend at our local shop. I knew there and then that the picture had changed to a good picture only because the mind got out of the way so to speak, when the mind rests Spirit which is always here, the Only is shines through and outpicture itself perfectly, but if the picture is good or bad is of no importance, only the knowing that right here where the mind sees a good picture or a bad picture is actually Spirit. So, i rest as my Self, seeing only my Self, smiling inwardly loving my Self.

As a teacher could you let me know what you think, I need someone s knowledge about this, to dissolve the remaining doubts that the mind throws. I wrote to you after watching your satsang the one of 13 May, when you spoke i knew Spirit was speaking to Spirit.

My Self was teaching Me, it was incredible i have never felt this from any other teachers, the One and Only Spirit teaching Itself, dispelling the appearance of other than Spirit. Tears were pouring and my heart was Bliss itself. Thank you 

I hope this make sense,  my first language is french difficult to translate any of this stuff in any language.

Thank You

Dear Edji,

Love touching base with you, whether through email, satsang, or deep into one of those chants.

You mentioned to me in our last email conversation there would be times of bliss as well as the opposite.  In light of this I would like to share with you some of what has transpired this week.  At the beginning of the week there was such a strong battle in the mind to maintain existence as a limited being.  This showed itself most clearly when there was several attempts made to listen to a couple of satsangs.  Initially I could understand the words being spoken, but then they would switch to a foreign language and I could no longer properly discern the words.  Multiple times when there was an attempt to go deep, the body would jolt and gasp for air as if it was the last breath.  This was all followed by two days of intensive seeing/sweeping.  Typically this sort of phenomena that was coming up for seeing/transcending would have sent this one for a loop/depression.  Something stood it's ground this time.  There was a courage to just look, to look deeply and to inquire into the nature of what was arising.  The courage to just let it be at times was so liberating within itself.  There was a noticing that when something was allowed, embraced fully then it would just dissolve on its own.  This opened the door to a deeper seeing.  It began to dawn on me that when form (as the me) reacts to and resists form (whatever is arising NOW, gross or subtle) then there is that sense of stuckness, smallness, i.e.. person.  Form needs form to react/resist in order to perpetuate itself as 'real'. You go beyond anything that you allow completely.  In this allowing of content to be as it is - it was noticed that there was something more subtle  than the content.  This field of Now/Presence the True 'I'ness' is Vast enough to let everything pass through.  It is Choiceless!

There are times when I cannot locate myself in the usual sense of here - as a body.  I feel more like space.  Then there are times when I definitely feel here - as a body.  In the noticing of this there is a sense that there is something very subtle which is aware of both of these states.  It knows neither spaceciousness nor limitation as a body.

Also, months ago you admonished me to not analyze or interpret, but just watch and melt.  In the openness to really see things as they arose this week without reactivity/resistance there was seeing of the mind very, very subtly analyzing, interpreting, imagining, projecting, planning and plotting an awakening for the 'me'.  Wow!  I never knew it was there.  It still goes on, the mind rambling about what it cannot know, but it is allowed its expression and the exhausting of that expression without leaving footprints in the "I Am".

This all brings to mind a verse in the Bible spoken by the Apostle Paul, 'it is the little foxes that spoil the vine.'  Everybody hangs out on the seashore and comments about the bit waves, few are noticing the ripples. It is the ripples that have been noticed this week.

With Great Love,

S.

RESPONSE:

Thank you for the update about your states. 

You are experiencing many phenomena, and are not getting lost in them, which is very good.

But pay less attention to them. Just stay with the I Am, the feeling of presence in the Void. Listening to Robert of my Satsangs is ok as a diversion, but basically, everything, even my satsangs are raising a playing of consciousness in you. You are the master in your own body/mind.

Right now you feel like a guest in your own home of the soul. Someday you will feel like the host, or owner. Then something new will arise, and once again you will be a guest for a while, then the host.

So it goes on.

Love,

Edji

Dear Edji,

With reference to our recent correspondence.

You said to :-

Grab onto the best part of the I Am and stay there as it arises.

I have been doing this with much success, and the I Am state is becoming more frequent, but not yet stable. I have been focusing on your image and the love felt for you.  This brings a deeper immersion into the I am state.

However, all of is seen to be merely transient, and moving through the pure awareness which is truly me.  It seems like I am the witness of the trying to hold on to a state even though it is the lofty I am.

The true me is passively watching all of this taking place within its self. 

However, there is a paradox.  The identification of "me" vascillates back and forth between the body/mind, the I am, and the pure awareness.  

Dear Master Edji, my question is....is the stability of remaining in the I am state which you spoke of always watched from the perspective of the pure awareness, or should the identification be firmly with the I am state?

There is confusion here, but even that confusion is seen to be a temporary state which has come into awareness and at some time will pass through.

Can you please comment on all of this dear Master

with much love and deep humble gratitude for you and your guidance

M.

RESPONSE:

Yes, it is totally a matter of identification--which do you identify with.

Stay with the I Am. Don't struggle to focus on it, just rest in it.

It will purify until it is the same as the witness.

Love,

Edji

M.

Dearest Edji,

The identification right now can vary between the witness, body/mind and I am.. 

When you say, when rested in "the I am will purify until it is the same as the witness" this explains everything so clearly dear Master.  

What simplicity! thank you so much for the guidance.....The I am will be rested in without struggle to focus on it.....

with much love and humble gratitude

M.

From Pradeep Apte, author of the Nisargadatta Gita;

Dear Ed,

Thank you very much for this recent mail of yours which went straight to the I AM, as it was the I AM addressing the I AM. All these people around you with whom now you share a loving relationship is love in its purest form, as it comes when one truly understands and abides in the I AM.

Being motive free and devoid of conflict are some of its strongest characterestics and it pleases the I AM to see its understanding, developed through our great Guru Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, seeing the light of the day.

I even to-day recite the Ram Naam and use the rosary as they and the I AM are one and the same. The I AM without words in its purest form is the Self which is again nothing but the Absolute or the Parabrahman - the one and only that ever was, is and would forever be.

Pradeep

He goes on to say he will be In California in late October or early November and we could perhaps do a joint Satsang in LA.

From Ghost Dog Warrior with Forrest Whitaker

The best explanation of form and emptiness I have ever read;


Our bodies are given life from the midst of nothingness. Existing where there was nothing is the meaning of the phrase, "Form is emptiness." That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, "Emptiness is form." One should not think that these are two separate things.


Also shows how to handle animal killers:


http://youtu.be/iFMY4jJ6SVE

A New Method--More Zen Than Advaita

 

Dear Master,

 

I had an experience and I'd like to enquire about it.

I usually go to work by train, and I listen Robert Adams' satsangs during the time.

Yesterday I listened the "Good for nothing man". After that I closed my eyes, begun ask myself:

Am I the body?  No I'am not the body. Am I the mind? The thoughts which running continuosly in my mind? How do I know that I'm thinking? There has to be somebody or something who perceives that I'm thinking. Who is it?

And it was shocking me realize that I didn't know if there is somebody or something. I felt that there was nobody or a kind of emptiness behind my thoughts. Nothing.This recognition confused my mind and cut the ground from under feet. As I realized that, thoghts stopped. It lasted for a few minutes, my mind was empty. I didn't feel happiness or something like that, I just looked out from my empty head. Than gradually thoughts began to flow again. 

Could you please help me what was that "state" Master? Shall I try to reach it again or pay no attention to it?

 

Thank you very much,

RESPONSE:

That is a taste of first stage enlightenment.

Once you can own this state, you will be half awake.

The next step would be to go beyond even it.

Read my awakening experiences on the website itisnotreal.com, the link called dancing with God.

Don't try to get to this state. Let it come to you when you practice going inside and looking around. In other words, just look around inside and "see" and "feel" who you are rather than ask yourself the various self-inquiry questions. It called abiding in the self, or staying in the I Am.

Love,

Ed

Love,

 

Balazs

 

 

Dearest Edji,

I just want to let you know that I love you as my self. There is no need telling this for you already know this. I love our spiritual family, Beloved Deeya, my Sweet Sister Janet and my dear Brother Rajiv. I hope to be there next Saturday. I feel nervous, excited and restless now but it is imbedded in peace and understanding that it is all play and well. The mind has no ground, the ego is like a cloud and slowly disappears back in to it's source. I am. I am you and I love you as I am.

D.

 Thank you D,

You are part of our family indeed. We are creating a new model of spirituality, of being in the infinite and the present at the same time.

I love you,

Edji

This person is sitting in the gateway to the absolute, 

and, in fact, sees their identity!--Expanded

Oh Master, the "I Am" is undressing Itself and the show is quite revealing.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit with You during Satsang.

Doing as you said, not interpreting, not analyzing, not judging what is going on in Consciousness by feelings, moods, or any condition.  Keeping quiet and melting.

Hugs and Kisses to You my Beloved.

M.

It was fantastic meeting you too!

Keep me informed.

Tell me a little why you were so despairing a few months ago.

Attached is a large book. Don't bother with all the introductions, etc.

Rama Krishna was a master of the Bhakti way, which is your way.

Love,

Edji

My Dearest Edji,

Thank you so much for the book. Very appreciated.

I'm not sure about that sudden attack of despair.  This whole existence has been one plagued with depressions.  Once I got really serious about this path the intensity and frequency of these attacks seemed to lessen, though were still always in the back ground like the black dog that might attack at any time.  

That surfacing and your response were a real turning point. I see this whole life as a twisted costume for the Consciousness to hide itself in. What wicked games it can play.  

Several mornings ago the masks were revealed and they were not Me.  There is a knowing that nothing has ever happened to Me. A knowing that this game is not Me, and yet it is Me as Consciousness.  It was when it was believed to be 'me', the individual, that is was unbearable.  I have never felt like I belonged, never quite fit in, and for the most part have hated existing.  I see so clearly now that it was the phantom I, the personal I that hated existing.  What a hoax and one that seemed to be an airtight case for 45 years. Well, the air is seeping in in a huge way, it is fresh, it is free, it is joyful, it is peaceful, it is contentment,...this air is ME.  OMG...there is such uncaused joy...joy for no reason at all...joy, the perfume 'Being'. 

There is a very gentle unfolding; recognizing things here and there as utterly Divine. Yesterday there were several times when the body was noticed but no one was in it.  Days when the mind is locked tight on the 'I Am', days when the gratitude evokes enough tears to soak a bath towel....wondering what did I do to deserve this 'Grace'.  Then it dawns on me that this is what Grace does...moves as Grace.   Just watching and melting as you said.

I am so grateful that you are there/here; without/within.

Love you much,

M.

Dear Master,

It is late here.  Have just finished reading a huge portion of the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna that you sent to me, have cried a bucket of tears about which Sri Ramakrishna said, "God favours those who can weep for Him. Tears shed for God wash away the sins of former births."

I just wanted to thank you again for such a precious gift.  The longing for the Beloved is joyfully painful at times, but it seems that I am enjoying even this from a space untouched by it, but yet delights in the experience.  There does not seem to be any clear lines of demarcation between the two.

With Deep Love,

M.

RESPONSE:

Between the two what? Longing or the space? Where are you in all this?

Is you beloved personal or impersonal--just curious.

Ed

The two, or even clearer, the three.  There doesn't seem to be any clear cut lines between Pure Awareness/Absolute/The Ultimate Supreme Witness - the I AM, which seems more like a manifest witness and the Maya itself.  They all  seem to be interpermeated with the Pure Witness.  There is awareness of a watcher which watches even the I AM and it's play, yet it doesn't seem to be separate from it. Does this make any sense?

As far as the Beloved, it is impersonal, a sense of 'knowingness' that has somehow seemed to be forgotten but never really was.

Thanks for conversing.

Love,

M.

RESPONSE:

Perfection!  This is a place to stay for a while.

Love, 

Edji

Dear Master,

 

I write today with news of the "mindblower" which you spoke of in your last email to me.

 

It has been the seing of this one that all is seen by and reports to the true me....however, there was no experiential unfoldings to back this up.  Yesterday, the Self revealed its Self.  while I was teaching yoga class yesterday, much emotion welled up to the point of tears.  Then the mind went completely empty, events were unfolding spontaneously. 

 

Then when yoga class was over, Bang! all went into one ness and it became clear beyond any shadow of a doubt that I was not the body or mind but the awareness which witnesses everything.  All conversations which were coming out of my body were arising with no one doing the talking....and the same for others, it was as if talking was happening but no individual doing it. The body was moving with no one being in charge of the moving.  Also, all conversation and words which arose were seen to be untrue.  This is not known why, but it was so perfectly clear.  This all lasted spontaneously for about an hour. 

 

Then all gradually faded to "normality" ha ha!  The mind gradually emerged....but a haziness remained all day.  Today, the I AM presence seems to course in like a wave every so often, and wash any thoughts away.  Mind is still there, but it feels like this one has moved further into Being ness...all this is seen.

 

It is seen that the awareness has witnessed even the coming and going of this....

 

Can you please comment on this dear Master.

 

with much love and humble gratitude

E.

RESPONSE: 

E, this is the fourth state or the I Am. It is the root state to which all else is added.

You spent an hour there and afterwards withdrawn.  If you spend a long time in that state, you will go beyond it entirely away, and will see even this comes to you, who is beyond everything, even oneness.

That is why my website has the banner, "Everything is one, and the one is not real."

But you can grab a different aspect of the I Am, which is one's sense of presence. This is a far easier way to go beyond, for the I Am takes you there itself through you loving it.

The key to this approach is finding love for the I Am and staying there.

Love,

Edji

Do you want this state?  For you need to spend some time here in orde

I know you don’t need a daily update on my spiritual journey, but as there is really no one else whom I can talk with about these matters I hope you will indulge me from time to time.

I just wanted to share another thing with you regarding my meditation practice and abidance in the I Am state.

It is so ordinary.

By “ordinary” I mean familiar and as if it were no big deal.  Which is great!  Which is something I never thought I would say.  

For the past two decades I’ve been eagerly awaiting the arrival of amazing visions and experiences similar to those described by Muktananda and Yogananda and Acharya Kedar and other renowned gurus.  Not to say that I haven’t seen lights and heard sounds and whatnot, but these never seemed as magnificent or of as much symbolic import or as magnificent in scope as the extensive, feature-length-film-like experiences about which I had read.   Mostly, I just experienced the various stages you and Rajiv discuss in “Autobiography of a Jnani” — the sense of universal oneness, the Void, the Witness — and a deep sense peace and inner-quietude.

Because of this, I always felt a sense of there being something missing, something lacking in my meditation practice, which, if I could just become somehow good enough or worthy enough or physically/emotionally/mentally pure enough, I would experience.  

I so longed for blue-skinned gods dripping with enough gleaming jewelry and assorted bling to put even the most decorated rapper to shame to descend upon me in a golden chariot and whisk me away along various inter-dimensional wormholes and escort me through myriad celestial adventures before finally detonating the infamous Blue Pearl before my very eyes, an event which would somehow irrevocably establish me in the state of Siddhahood.

Anyway, not to take anything away from such experiences, but I finally realize what a bunch of bullshit, spiritually speaking, all that is.

What I experience now is the eternal quality of the I Am state.  It is the ground of my being no matter what the situation or experience or how I am feeling physically or emotionally or what thoughts are swirling around in the ocean of mind.  

And this is not only true in the context of the waking state, but also the dream and deep-sleep states (though, to be honest, I can’t say that I am mentally conscious when in the state of deep-sleep).  Beyond/surrounding/pervading all three of these states is Turiya, the “perspective” (words just don’t cut it, do they?) of universal, unconditioned awareness.  This simple awareness with which I have been experiencing everything my whole life, and which I erroneously believed was limited to this individual mind-body mechanism that has been masquerading as Ted Schmidt, has at last revealed its true nature as a vast ocean of Consciousness in which everything that is and is not arises and subsides.  Wow!

And beyond that....well, there ain’t even a “wow” for that....which really isn’t a that at all, but....???....the ineffable Absolute?  The invisible blank slate?  The whatever....

It all reminds me of the following lines (perhaps you know them) from the “Little Gidding” section of T. S. Eliot’s poem, “Four Quartets”:
    
        With the drawing of this Love and voice of this Calling
        We shall not cease from exploration
        And the end of all our exploring
        Will be to arrive where we started
        And know that place for the first time.
As ever, thank you for your Grace.

Much love,

T.


RESPONSE:


T.

One experiences the experiences of one's teacher generally. 

The Muktananda experiences comes from practicing Kundalini type practices. Each path has different experiences. 

Your experiences mean that something chose our path for you.

Edji

"To one whose mind is free, there is something even more intolerable in the suffering of animals than in the sufferings of humans. For with the latter, it is at least admitted that suffering is evil and that the person who causes it is a criminal. But thousands of animals are uselessly butchered every day without a shadow of remorse. If any person were to refer to it, they would be thought ridiculous. And that is the unpardonable crime. That alone is the justification of all that humans may suffer. It cries vengeance upon all the human race. If God exists and tolerates it, it cries vengeance upon God." Jean Christophe.

From an awakened friend of mine:

Reading your blog post, I think what some people don't understand is that love is not a way to peace -- it is the only way. Through intense, loving devotion, you either surrender to an object outside of yourself or to the mystery within yourself. The end result is the same. Surrender is not easy -- it means your life is over. It takes extreme passion for your Beloved, for the Self, to do this. This is why so many people spend years on the path of jnana and never get anywhere. All they do is play mind games. Likewise, many bhakti types never move from dogma to true devotion. It takes a burning desire to be free . . . the pain, the yearning, the longing has to be so unbearably intense that you can't focus on anything other than freedom. You feel you'll die if you have to live in delusion for another instant. You have to be insanely in love. Ramakrishna felt this way. Janet felt this way. Most don't. They want to read a book or go to a yoga class in their "free" time, and seek material fulfillment the other 23 hours of the day. This doesn't work. They will experience the pale light of a glowworm instead of the brilliance of a supernova explosion . . . then maybe start giving satsang (for money). Love is the only way. Love is the only way. Love is the only way. D.

Hi Ed, I have a question. Can I use the witnessing as a tool in my practice. This would be added to my other tools, of sinking and focusing on the sense of presence.
 
For example, yesterday I had the thought, I want some chips and pop(I am not supposed to eat them though), then I said to myself, is this witnessed? And the answer was yes, so I thought to myself, if I am witnessing this then it can't be me. I can't simultaneously be both subject and object. So I saw the hungry I to be a thought. But, then I noticed that I shifted from being hungry to being the witness. , yet this I in the role of witness was also witnessed.

Therefore the I witnessing was also a thought. Despite all the I's, witnessing still occurred - without an I thought doing it.
 
The above exercise does show how the I can shift identities etc. - but that's all it shows - that I can see.  
 
What I am trying to do is separate the "I am or the witnessing" from the influence of the mind " thoughts, feelings, etc". 
  
Maybe I which is a reference point (a reference point for a something), can't use witnessing (which has no reference point, that I can see) as a tool, to move beyond itself, to the place of witnessing!
 
I also noticed that the sense of presence is witnessed. Thus it can't be the I am, because the I am witnesses it. Then what is the sense of presence?
 
I believe I am seeing out of the place of the mind, not out of the place of the witnessing. How to see out of the place of the witnessing?
 
I believe there is some use for the witness aspect - but I can't put my finger on it! Can you help?
 
I know this e-mail may seem stupid, but I feel explaining the witness in relation to the mind will be of immense help to me in my practice.
 
 
What do you think?
 
Your student and friend
 
RESPONSE:

YOU, the witness, are beyond I Am.

I Am is your sense of presence, and you witness that.

So, the main technique is to abide i the I Am, learn everything about it, yet realize you are beyond it.

One day it drops away.

In the mean time, love it. Love the sense of presence and everything in it, like it is family and friends.

Love,

Ed

AMENDED-More back and forth

Dear edji,

Im a silent follower of your thoughts and blog. I am 38 now and from 18 been
following self help, meditation, kriya yoga, ramana, nisargadatta, the works
and now find contentment in your thoughts.

Life has come full circle from simple to complex to simple. I feel like a child.
I understand this question comes from illusion and am ashamed to ask it. I live
my outerlife perfectly, but find no inherent fulfillment  in it.

My crossroads are whether to continue with my girlfriend who loves romance,
eating out and going to church every week and insecure if I don’t prove my
love to her every day. Result is lots of drama. I also feel I lose something when
I am in a relationship.  She picks up that I do these things to make her happy
and don’t inherently feel the need to do any of it.

At the end of the day, I have always been happy walking in mountains, staying in
ashrams, taking care of my son and generally being alone with my thoughts.
Continuing (any) relationship, I feel this will compromise my sadhana, yet I
feel may miss companionship. I don’t have an answer. It tears me. (and yes
its selfish).

Am sorry to ask you this question.
Thank you for everything.
Regards,
 

REPLY:

I hear nothing about how you feel about her.

Do you or can you still love her?

If you can, that can be a gateway inwards to your own heart opening and immersion in your own sense of presence. Work on this a little before doing anything else. The reason I mention this is that I don't feel a strong drive in you for awakening or the need or desire for self-inquiry or meditation. So, what then would be your path without a strong desire for freedom? You would get lost.

The heart link, if it can be salvaged, is a guaranteed way into your own depths.

HIS RESPONSE:

Dear EdJi,

If I go inside, I feel I do love her. On the outside, it is very distracting and highly inconvenient to my sadhana and peace of mind.

In the long run, are prospects of a future potential child, ups and downs ofenergies and need to play the role of a "hopelessly in love" boy. I do not wish to take on responsibilities lightly because i will be attached to them for the rest of my life. My son is not her's.

I find most love, even parts of what i feel now, superficial and selfish. Themost authentic love i feel is my sons innocence (he is 5), animals being, mountains and acts of sacrifice or unconditional love. (Something i cant exhibit in this instance.)

Your response has helped a fair way sofar. i read your "final truth" to center myself.

MY RESPONSE:

Go deeper with her.

She already has your heart. You can go much, much deeper to core love feelings you are not in touch with now. Trust me on this.  See my post today on this blog and see also by may 13 satsang posted just below it.

This stuff about communing with nature is not the kind of love that takes you to the deepest places, or even self sacrifice. How many have awakened that way? How many in the animal rescue movement have awakened? This is karma yoga, not nearly as powerful as self-inquiry or bhakti. You can feel some happiness and peace this way, but that is not awakening. I mention this because form the way you state your story, your sadhana has no fire. It is a kind of lateral drifting, not honed in to going deep. I hear no yearning here.

But human love in its purest form is far, far deeper, deep enough to rest in a vitalized sense of beingness, your own presence, and also to manifest love and caring in your life as a saint instead of a burned out peacenik. This is the way of Bhakti, a direct path to the I Am and awakening. The only comparable path is a true life of self inquiry, not of peaceful wandering in nature, loving your child and animals. This must be clear to you. How many have awakened by loving their children or sacrificing themselves for a cause?

However, you must be able to go deep and feel ecstatic love for her, and in that recognize it is your own love which you feel, which is the sweetness of your own self. Then abide there; stay there. This is not an ordinary relationship; it will be extraordinary--divine!  Few can sustain this, but still this is a much broader way than self inquiry.

Of course, if you or she can't go deep into that love, this is rather useless advice. You'll just get stuck in the halfway selfish, give and take love you fear. But you have an opportunity to go deep and stay there. If you are ready.

I have been so stupid!

A couple of weeks ago I came to the conclusion that pure self inquiry, along the line described by Ramana Maharishi, is rather ineffective as a method to awaken. It is far too easy when following Robert's method of watching the I thought, watching where it arises and where it passes away, to just continue to gaze into emptiness, the void that is filled with one's own presence, continuing to look for the I thought or "source," and to ignore ones own sense of presence and thereby to get lost.


I then concluded thheat Nisargadatta's method of resting in the I am provides a better sense of direction for an aspirant as an object of meditation on the self, but only if one can raise the I am sense. If one cannot raise the I am sense, the sense of one's own existence, the sense of one's own presence, this method is no better than Ramana's.


However, as I have discovered that love is a rapid way of entrée into one's own sense of presence, palpably feeling one's heart center open and feeling one's own sense of presence, and thereby quickly finding a place to abide in one's own self as love, I have also realized this is exactly my own way that I practiced prior to my awakening. How stupid of me to not have recognized it then and made it a priority in my instructions to students.


In 1995 Robert left Los Angeles to go to Sedona. I was bereft, lost, empty. So I laid on my back on a couch and went within, into my sense of presence. But even more fundamentally, I played sacred music all day long and felt the dancing of that music in my heart and with the growing joy and increased sense of presence which filled my inner void completely.


Then after about six or eight weeks of doing this constantly, I had my first awakening experience, and a few weeks later my second. I have suggested this as a technique all along for the past several years, but figured then, and until now, it as a technique idiosyncratic to me, and not a universal way.


However, being in love, or emulating that kind of "enlivening" by listening to sacred music, are both ways into one's sense of self, of the I am, wherein it becomes easy to just abide there, stay there, with love, and when the time is ripe, for that sense of presence to leave and for you, and for you to awaken to oneness, no boundaries, with wonderment and awe.


Thus, I do recommend listening to sacred music as a way into your soul and awakening.


It has been suggested that perhaps all beautiful music could do this. However, think how many people listen to beautiful music all day long and never awaken. Many professional musicians play jazz or classical music all day long, or compose all day long, and never awaken. Yet we are drawn to their music. Something moves us.


There is something about Eastern sacred music that has a different effect on one's heart. You can feel the difference of the effect on one's heart of the guru arati, versus a movement from a Beethoven symphony, a Hayden Quartet, or Bach's Goldberg Variations. These may be very beautiful and moving, but the arati sticks you in your beingness so that you can feel the rising and dancing energy in your heart. It was created by the Eastern spiritual genius for that specific purpose of awakening one's own sense of beingness.


Another difference is that the Eastern chants are mostly endless repetitions of the various names of God in her various forms, and attributes: Krishna, Gopi, Shiva, Kali, Radha, Govinda, so the ecstasy felt is always associated with God.


Still, when you listen to or chant such sacred music, it cannot be done with a purpose in mind. It must be done only for the joy it brings.