19 December 2011

Freedom from Conventionality
You know, I was going to talk tonight just about how this path is one of getting rid of conditioning and concepts… getting rid of ideas… getting rid of all kinds of ideas—but it is also about grace.
You can feel God’s grace, or the grace of Consciousness, in this satsang if you can get into the chanting. You will feel the presence of God, the presence of Consciousness, moving through us; through the chanting.
I know a lot of you get blissed out as soon as the chanting starts, but it really, really, really helps to participate—to get your human presence into the chanting; at least at the beginning. To get the power moving through you, of Consciousness—the grace of Consciousness.  Speak with the voice of Consciousness, calling God’s name.
Because that is what we are doing over and over again—is calling God’s name.
God, God, God.
God, God, God, God.
Then the silence comes.
Then the healing comes.
But please, try to participate in the chanting. It is so simple. The words are so simple. Even if you can become totally useless like me, you can think of those words.
This is the groundwork. This is what we are all about—except for the grace. Nisargadatta Maharaj does not talk about the grace here. He talks about it in other books, but not in this one.
[Prior to Consciousness, December 29th, 1980, page 87]
Maharaj: A murderer is loose; he has committed many murders and the international police are after him but unable to catch him. That is like the traditional scriptures not being able to locate or find the Absolute. It is beyond the grasp of the Vedas, Puranas, etc., because it is not conceptual.
The Absolute is not conceptual. What you really are is not conceptual—cannot be grasped with the mind.
This murderer is very proud to escape all the efforts of the police force; he is so fearless that he sits where the plans to catch him are discussed and hence he cannot be caught.
He is right here. He is you.
No matter what you think, he is going to escape you, because the mind cannot grasp him. And he is listening. He is there, where the plans are being made to capture him.
Everyone has to die, so die as your true nature. Why die as a body? Never forget your true nature. It may not be acceptable to many, but it is a fact. If you must have an ambition, have the highest, so that at least while dying, you will be the Absolute. Decide that now, firmly, with certainty and conviction.
A tiger is coming at you: you know that when he attacks you, death is certain. So, why die like a coward? Attack him and maybe he will run away. But if the tiger is passing by, do not unnecessarily attack him! Only when absolutely necessary, jump on him.
That is good advice! If you go to a zoo, do not attack the tiger behind the bars.
God is great and maya is vast, but what are you in the end? The mental modifications take you away from the Self. Nobody wants to enquire about the Self deeply and thoroughly; everybody enquires on a superficial level.
These are the people that dig shallow holes. They go from one discipline and one guru and one teaching to another. They really do not care about the Self. They care about teachings.  Directions.  Ideas.  Knowledge.  Something to wrap themselves around. A book—discuss all the meanings, and so forth.
But it is so easy—you just look into yourself. And yet so difficult, because it is not that exciting.
Questioner: My mind does not stay quiet, it goes here and there.
Maharaj: With all these ramblings you will be entertained, but you will not obtain knowledge. This is all spiritual entertainment, because the factual state of affairs is that what you are, you are, without modifications.
In other words, if you are talking about anything but what you are—your true nature—it is entertainment, and that is what most people perceive. They talk about… but this is not on a psychological level. On a psychological level, you talk about all kinds of things—repressions, and denials, and dreams, and dream interpretations, and working on the vasanas [latent tendencies] and…
[Speaking to his cat, Lakshmi] Okay, come on, Lakshmi. Jump, jump, jump! Don’t get caught… oh, she got caught again. Here, oh [very concerned] … there you go.  [Loud meowing]
She is a critic now.
She will be back.
[Skipping to page 89]
Maharaj: Mind and all the concepts are due to your primary concept "I Am." Your parents and you are simultaneous concepts. Now, without trying to experience, what experience are you having?
In other words, if you are deliberately trying to experience something, like samadhi, that is what you are trying to do. But without trying to experience, what is your experience?
Questioner: I Am.
Maharaj: Is it not a concept? There are concepts formed from concepts, it is a vast world of concepts.
In other words, our life is a vast field of concepts—a network of thought that interpenetrates. One thought links to another. It is an infinite progression of ideas, swirling around in our heads. Ideas, ideas; thoughts—should’s, ought-to’s, morality—concepts, concepts!
Questioner: I would like to be free from them.
Maharaj: This is to be realized by one's self; it is not to be passed on by word of mouth.
In other words, the questioner says, “I would like to be free from concepts,” and Nisargadatta says, “This has to be realised by you. I cannot give you this freedom. You have to win this freedom from concepts. This is something you have to do by discovering your true nature. I can give you more concepts, but I cannot give you that freedom. That is for you to do.”
Maharaj: Who is obtaining the Self-knowledge directly? When did I happen to be? I must know about it myself, first-hand, not from others.
You are, you know you arethis is the great Lord, the sudden, explosive effulgence. Surrender to it, and you will know all. It is without form or name. It is to be abided in by firm conviction.
This is where Nisargadatta is different from some of the other advaita teachers because he says that one of the keys is not only to dwell in the ‘I Am,’ but to have the conviction that you are not the body—that you are consciousness itself. That is the first step.
You are first at the ‘I Am,’ but you have the conviction you are not the body. That you are the Absolute. You are even beyond consciousness. And with that conviction, you have one experience after another that tends to reinforce that conviction, until ultimately you have freedom. You have an awakening experience.
And this is his way. There is a heavy emphasis on concepts-to-end-concepts; and at the same time, a direct pointing to your Self.
[Skipping to page 90, December 31st, 1980]
Questioner: Is there something which I can do to help me to grow, to progress?
Maharaj: Consciousness does not undergo any progress. Even the space cannot have any progress and the space is number three.
One is the Absolute, two is consciousness, three is space. Where there was no knowledge "I Am," that is number one;
- the Absolute -
…later on there is the sense "I Am," that is number two; then there is spacenumber three. Passing the examination of the Upanishads, does it give you knowledge of the Self?
In other words, he is talking about your experience where there is no knowledge—that is the Absolute. Number two is consciousness, or the sense of presence—the ‘I Am.’ And number three is the emptiness, the space that contains all of the manifestation.
Now he says, “Passing the examination of the Upanishads,”—those are the end of the Vedas, the last books of the Vedas—“does it give you knowledge of the Self?”
Questioner: No. However it does something.
The questioner is holding onto the idea that the Upanishads somehow give you something. The Vedas, the learning, the book learning, the concepts that teachers give you—they mean something.  They give you something. It does something.
Maharaj: In my case, everything is spontaneousthat is my dharma. If the knowledgeable people come and tell me I am foolish, I will say, "This foolishness is my richness, my freedom. That knowingness which has come over me, that itself is foolishness."
You are a very gentle woman; if someone comes and abuses you, thinking you are a man, you will get very angry at this misunderstanding. To identify with anything, "I am like this," is abuse of your nature.
So, he is pointing once again: do not identify with the body. Do not identify with any thing. Your true nature has nothing to do with any manifestation.
Questioner: How to lose this identification with the body?
This is very important. Listen to this carefully.
Maharaj: Increase the conviction that you are the formless consciousness. You develop your firm conviction that you are the total manifestation, universal consciousness. There is nobody who can have the knowledge of the Truth, the Eternal. It is one's eternal true state, but it is not a knowledgeable state—you cannot know It. So-called knowledge is boundless and plenty in the state of attributes, "I Am."
I have no idea what that last sentence means, but… [repeating]
Increase the conviction that you are the formless consciousness. You develop your firm conviction that you are the total manifestation, universal consciousness.
The universal consciousness which manifests through worms, and flies, and cats, and dogs, and other people. Do not identify with your particular body. Identify with consciousness itself; as a first step.
There is nobody who can have the knowledge of the Truth, the Eternal.
That is your true state! You cannot have knowledge of it. That is you!  But is it not a knowledgeable state. You cannot know it.
And now, the last part. Let me see…
[Skipping to page 91, January 2nd, 1981]
Questioner: It seems that I am more and more busy, and I don’t have much time anymore for meditation.
Isn’t that most of us?
Questioner: I want instruction from Maharaj on how to come to Self-realization.
But he does not want to meditate.
Maharaj:  Carry on your work in the world but your work can only take place if you are there—the sense of being must be there. That is enough.
Questioner: Is it necessary for me to constantly remind myself of that, to be aware of that?
Maharaj: Who can be conscious of consciousness other than consciousness itself? Is there any other entity? It is there, the consciousness is always aware of itself.
It is there, the consciousness is always aware of itself. The trouble is that consciousness has identified with the body. Do nothing else except this: do not identify the consciousness with a body.
Again, that sentence is garbled. [Repeating]
Do nothing else except this: do not identify the consciousness with a body.
In other words, you cannot be aware of awareness, because you are always aware of awareness. That is the nature of consciousness, is to be self-aware. But remember what your true identification is—not with the body but with awareness itself, or consciousness itself.
By doing something or not doing something, is there any change in the consciousness? There is no need of any sadhana except being aware of the fact that it is only in this consciousness that everything takes place.
Relatively you are the consciousness and the consciousness has no form. You can only sense consciousness, you cannot see it.
You can see things. You can see manifestation, but you cannot see consciousness itself.
You know it; you know that you are.
That knowing is a different kind of knowing. It is an intuition, an apprehension; but it is not grasped by the vision or by the mind. It is your beingness.
Who directs the body to do what it does? It can only be the consciousness, there is no entity. Consciousness does whatever is to be done through the various bodies. You are that consciousness and the love that consciousness has for itself.
You are that consciousness and the love that consciousness has for itself.
And here is the most important:
Questioner: Then there is really nothing in particular that you can do to realise this and you can’t try to do nothing. It just is. That’s the way it is and that’s all.
Maharaj: Yes. Just understand. Just be your Self.
Just be yourself.
Questioner: Should one have faith in the Self?
Maharaj: Once you are your Self, where is the question of faith? Just be your Self.
Operation is brought to a standstill. When you are that, it is finished—the circle is closed, you are your Self.
You know, it is so easy to talk about… “You have to transcend thought. You have to get rid of concepts. You have to get rid of societal conditioning. You have to get rid of conventional morality.”
“You have to get used to this idea. You have to get rid of that idea. You have to do this. You have to do that.”
And you hear this over and over again from teachers—“Transcending thought, transcending ideas.” But unless you get into the nitty-gritty of the ideas that are difficult to get rid of, you are not really doing anything.
Now, where are some of the ideas that are current, that everybody has a problem with—that bring out all kinds of bullshit? It is not whether I am or am not, or whether karma is or is not; or whether there is predestination or not; or whether God is in heaven or not. These are not the questions that move us, that trap us.
I could not care less whether there is karma or not. I could not care less whether the “I” exists, or not. I could not care less whether I am supposed to love all people, or not, as part of this sadhana. I do not even know what the hell a “sadhana” is.
It is a word… meaning you fuck up, beginning in the morning, and you fuck up all day long. And at the end of the day you say, “Oh God, I fucked up!” And you are punished for it. That is “sadhana.”
These ideas are not the ones that are hard to get rid of. These are not the ones that are going to produce freedom for you. It is going into the difficult ones that trap us in everyday life. And what are they?
Basically, conventionality. Ideas about marriage. Ideas about sexuality. Ideas about abortion. Ideas about social security.
Ideas about Medicare. The ideas about the State, and how much it is supposed to impact our life. All these ideas that grab us—especially sexuality, and of loving. Who you are supposed to be allowed to love, and who you are not supposed to love.
I cannot believe there are still people that think that if you are in a married relationship, you cannot love someone from the heart outside of that relationship. It just boggles my mind that there is this thought that if you love somebody outside of a marriage or a committed relationship, you are somehow cheating or doing virtual adultery.
My congress of gurus would be finished if no-one who was in a relationship would be allowed to love us.
And what kind of problems this causes. What kind of jealousy. What kind of pain. What kind of feeling cheated-on. What kind of anger. Husbands keeping tabs on me, doing internet searches on “Ed Muzika,” to find out what he has done recently.
It is the same thing with animals—I have had threats against my life, for trying to take care of animals. It gets very involved. There are cliques involved. There is a reporter for an internet newspaper who was extremely critical of a new general manager starting for Los Angeles Animal Services, who we all thought would make wondrous changes for the better. She attacked him unmercifully, and I and several others, like Mary Cummins, defended him.
Because of that we got into lots of problems with animal networks that wanted to really destroy us, and did everything possible to destroy us—even threatened to attack us, and to harm us. We even had police watching the street for a few days after some of these threats.
So you have to know, what are your limits?  What are you willing to do, to pursue your heart? If you think animals are going to be saved—what are your limits? What can you do? What will you do?
Same thing if you are married. How much can you love outside of the marriage? How much can you love an idea, an ideal? A movement?  Or, pursuit of the Self? Or loving someone outside of your marriage? Conventionality traps us into a narrow cocoon.
I am doing this with each of you—each of you that gets close to me. It is not just words I am talking to you about, about freedom. But I try to put you in situations to see how much ability you have to squirm out from your ideas, or to take the heat.
Robert used to do this to us all the time: put us in difficult situations, to see which way we leaned. Was it towards him, or was it towards ourselves? How much squirming did we do? How much pain did we feel? How much gnashing of teeth was there?
How much gnashing of teeth are you doing, trying to free yourself? Or do you just sit around all day, and chant, and say, “I am pursuing freedom,” but do nothing else?
Do you confront anyone with your truth, your new truth, your new hard-won truth of freedom? Or is your freedom in a box in the corner, where you sit and say “I am free, I am free,” and you stay in the corner? Or do you roar? Do you roar with your freedom?
Do you roar, or do you whimper? Do you even know where your freedom is? Do you challenge your boxes that you are in? Every day that you do it, you get a little happier; a little more free; a little more breathing room.
The concept of the spiritual teacher is another one. How many concepts do you have about a spiritual teacher and what they are supposed to be like? Especially the people that read Ramana. [Laughs]
“Ramana never did nothing”, people say. “What a perfect guru he was.” The less he does, the better. He sits around and gets served all day by servants, by his devotees, and he is a great man because he does nothing.
Let me tell you, if you did not have to do anything and you sat around all day and people were putting grapes in your mouth, etc., you would be pretty happy too!  And they would be saying, “What a great person. Look—he is never ruffled, she is never ruffled by anything.” Well, nobody is ruffling the guru’s feathers.
How many people were going up and kicking sand in Ramana’s face? It is easy to be the perfect guru when you are not challenged, and everybody around you is a sycophant. But there is no rough-and-tumble at the ashram, except between Ramana’s brother and everybody else.
Get rid of all ideas about a guru, about a teacher, about yourself.
You are not the principal of a school. You are consciousness itself. You are not a housewife. You are not a human with eye problems. You are not really married to Alan. That is your body and your persona.
So, what are you really?
[Long pause]
Who are you?
Looking deep within yourself—dive deep into your psyche, into your body, and look for yourself. Where are you, in all of that mess inside, that consciousness, that void, that sense of presence?
Where are you?
Do you exist as a nucleus somewhere, where the body is tied to the mind? Anywhere in that emptiness, is there you?
You already are you.  Complete, perfect.
Just do not identify with your body. Escape all concepts. When a concept presents itself, or a limitation, refuse it. That is what he says [Nisargadatta Maharaj.]
Somebody said to me very recently that for a long time I caused her complete frustration, because I did not give her anything to hold onto. No concepts, no techniques, no ideas. I just kept taking things away.
That is it.
I do not have anything for you. I just want to take all your bullshit away; all your prisons away. To let you know you are loved for yourself.
Get rid of those ideas—you are not a human being. You are not a body. You are not a school teacher.  Not a housewife. You are consciousness itself. You are not the body.
You are consciousness itself. You are not the body.
And reading all the books in the world will not reveal this—not the Vedas, not the Ashtavakra Gita, not the Ribhu Gita, or the Avadhut Gita, or Tweedie’s autobiography, or Ed Muzika’s satsangs, his teachings—which I have to admit are pretty brilliant.
Only you can free yourself.
Look into yourself. Feel yourself.
What is your base state, when you are really calm, and your mind is not rocked by ideas? When your mind is silent... the kids are not screaming at you, husband is not screaming at you, wife is not screaming at you, boss is not screaming at you, even the cats are not screaming at you, saying “I want to eat!”
When all is peaceful, and said and done, what are you? What is that peace, that emptiness, that joy?  That is what I want to give you.  Which is you, without any impediments.
Not even karma and reincarnation, although many of us feel like we have been together for a long time; many lives.
And even more than this getting rid of concepts—the neti neti; not this, not this—in this sangha there is a movement of grace.  Right from Ramana, through Robert, and me; from Nisargadatta, through Jean Dunn, and me, to you.
A gift of nothingness, of emptiness; and nowhere to turn, nothing to do.
This satsang, and as a matter of fact our entire sangha, is all about freedom—real freedom. Freedom from concepts. Freedom from fear. Freedom from conventionality. Freedom from all ideas.
To live free, as your Self.  Truly you—the human being and the divinity—whatever combination people think of themselves. It only becomes you. You just act, without constraint. That does not mean that you go on rampages, and pillage and plunder. It means you free yourself from your concepts to know who you are; and you act from that state. And there is compassion, there is kindness, there is love.
But while we were playing that last chant I felt something different. I felt the descent so strongly of grace on our satsang. The energy just spilled into me, through my head and then into my body and everywhere. I felt the descent of grace, of Robert’s darshan [blessing] you might say… of Ramana’s.
I hope it permeates all of you; it helps you identify with your true nature, instead of the body. Your true nature is consciousness; and then it is the Absolute.
I really and truly love you all.


  1. it's always like coming Home to read your blog and watch satsangs.

    such a diverse history edji. zen, psychology, advaita, love.
    i love how you draw from all your life experience to teach.

    i love how you share of yourself.
    such a warm, honest, family feeling from you.

    it's pretty cold out there. even some of the most well known teachers. it's all business. there's no love, no humor, no joy.

    there's Heart here. you can cut the grace with a knife.

  2. Hey John.

    I'm a bit slow with spiritual poetic-ness
    " you can cut the grace with a knife"

    What does that mean?



  3. Ricky, it's an expression implying that John can sense Grace so tangibly that 'if' it were possible he could cut it with a knife.

    John, if I'm wrong, feel free to correct.


  4. "How much gnashing of teeth are you doing, trying to free yourself? Or do you just sit around all day, and chant, and say, “I am pursuing freedom,” but do nothing else?

    Do you confront anyone with your truth, your new truth, your new hard-won truth of freedom? Or is your freedom in a box in the corner, where you sit and say “I am free, I am free,” and you stay in the corner? Or do you roar? Do you roar with your freedom?

    Do you roar, or do you whimper? Do you even know where your freedom is? Do you challenge your boxes that you are in? Every day that you do it, you get a little happier; a little more free; a little more breathing room."

    Wow! Ed, thanks once again for challenging me.


  5. you're right joan, edji keeps pushing. in all areas. again, there's a Heart here. he wants us to be Free, not just know a few handy new spiritual concepts.

    yes ricky, it means edji, to me, feels gracious, a 'juicy' feeling of presence.

    i thought you were screwing with me with the 'spiritual poetic-ness'. i see you have a blog called What the Fuck, so i got a little concerned... =)

    yeah, there are sayings here that don't exist in other countries and vice versa.

    ricky, what do you think or Feel about edji's talk 'freedom from conventionality'? stick your neck out, it's alright. if it gets chopped off, so be it.

  6. John
    Re the blog: I'm done with that. One of my many phases that lasted 3 seconds..

    My honest thoughts and feelings about Edji's satsang.
    I don't give a fuck what he says. I just like him. And I like the whole sangha. There's something really beautiful about the people here.
    It has become one of my refuge's.

  7. ... It's not what he says or how he says shit.
    It's just him.
    It use to be about the teachings and methods he provides, but for now just hanging around is the "thing".

  8. that's incredible ricky.
    i'm pretty naive about all of this.
    i thought i was one of the only ones who was practicing 'guru-yoga'. meaning i just think about, absorb edji. i do like

    what he says as well, but it's primarily Him. 'thinking' about him, listening to him, watching him, studying him in effect. you're under the mircoscope edji!

    i was in the christian church for many years. pretty hard-core evangelical church as a staff member. a lot of power, 'grace', laying on of hands.

    i've been reading eastern ideas since age 14, but this is the first time i've gotten close to a real Teacher.

    yes, the group is amazing. every time someone opens their mouth. the janets, you ricky, joan, jo-ann, it's incredible.

    they say you can tell a lot about a teacher from his students and holy moly, there are some hip cats around these parts.

    and that's not a joke, not a jab,
    no haha.

    you guys are beautiful.

    merry christmas

  9. "Laying on of hands", boy do I remember the days. I'm not sure I call it grace though. It was more like being 'heavy-handed'. I mean, there were some ministers who would literally push you down if you didn't yield to their powerful touch. Being the skeptic that I typically am, I was usually unyielding.

    I think it is Love that makes all the difference, regardless of which system of though one is trying to unwrap ones self from.


  10. John, just warning you ahead of time, 'guru yoga' also involves negative affect as well. But you are probably already aware of this.


  11. Ed, you said, ""How much gnashing of teeth are you doing, trying to free yourself? Or do you just sit around all day, and chant, and say, “I am pursuing freedom,” but do nothing else?"

    This made me think of a question someone on facebook asked me today. They asked, "How long have you been on the spiritual path?" I replied, "I've been reading spiritual books for about 4 years." Damn, I wish I had all the money that I sunk into them.

    Reading spiritual books characterizes the essence of my spiritual path. There has been the Ramana and Robert practice of "who am I?" as well.

    But it has only been in the past few months that the aforementioned 'gnashing of teeth' has come into play.

    For years I sat around, read my books, listened to hundreds of hours of Robert's satangs and grew increasingly miserable. No fault of Robert's. It was just too dry for me. I didn't know it, but I needed Love.

    I was just hoping one day that all would go 'poof' and my miserable life, which mainly is/was due to imprisonment in conventionality would somehow all be righted.

    Right! Somehow I would wake up and love the husband that I never could, the kids would miraculously quit arguing, the guilt over sex, how to raise the kids, who should do this or that, what and how I should be as a wife, the trap of morality and immorality...somehow I thought all of this would fix itself.

    I am seeing it takes the 'gnashing of teeth' that Ed spoke of to break out of this imprisonment that I have thought and known so long to be 'my life'.

    How is it that in all the books that I've read, outside of maybe Osho, no teacher mentions this kind of stuff?

    I could have been learning spiritual concept after concept after concept and no amount of concepts would fix or free me from the prison in which I have been bound.

    Ed, you are a rare one. I have not always understood your lead, and still don't at times. But something in me chooses to follow even when my mind is attacking you, which it does now at times.

    Months ago, when I was unsure of what you were asking of me and thus confused, Robert appeared to me in a dream and said, "Joan, you are in good hands." I can see that now. I fully agree.

    In another dream a few weeks ago, I am struggling to open a door, pulling and yanking at the handle with all my might. I know that if I can get it open all that I have been looking for will be on the other side. In exhaustion, I fall down on the floor. Moments later,I open my eyes and notice a pair of feet where there should have been the door. I slowly stand up to see to whom does this pair of feet belong. It was you Ed. There was no door, YOU were the door.

    I am deeply indebted to you and yet you say, we haven't really begun. I am willing to follow your lead.

    Much Love and Appreciation,

  12. joan's right edji.
    you're precious.
    i am trying to understand you.
    it's an ongoing struggle.
    i'm attracted to your personality and then i find that it's blended with something deeper.
    i think it's krishna and his flute.
    we follow the song and find the gift of eternity.

    joan, i'm very aware of all the negative feelings towards the christian church. i hesitated to post christian music a while back.
    my experience was relatively positive. there were some powerful prayer people in my church. i remember one lady nicknamed 'peaches' laying her hands on my head and praying. one of my eyelids was fluttering there was so much shakti flowing in.

    anyways, it's all about Love, like you said.

    joan, please explain 'negative affect' to do with guru-yoga. i've never heard of it.

  13. edji, you're a Koan i'm trying to solve. i watch and i watch. i must find out who you really are.

    what is your essence? what is my essence. i MUST find out.

    what i and maybe others forget is you stood on the Ground. you were the foundation. however long that occured, the changes that happened in your physiology, brain, mind, being, one can never measure.

    you know the Truth.

    you keep us around with the jokes, the stories, the teaching and, again, it's just like Krishna's flute.

    edji's personality is the music. the longer we listen, the longer we hang around, we're changing.

    blessed edji knows all this.

    oh edji, i know as you sit in Silence, you trust the process that all your students are in.

    you Know it is perfectly unfolding.
    so many give with the expectation of something in return.
    i cry when i see edji ONLY wants us to grow.

    thank you 'rare one'.

  14. "the group is amazing. every time someone opens their mouth. the janets, you ricky, joan, jo-ann, it's incredible.

    What makes you think they are not talking out of their "ass"


  15. John, negative affect is simply negative feelings and emotions such as jealousy, anger, hatred...

    I thought that the good feelings would stay always. I did not imagine that I could feel such intense jealousy, anger and hatred at times, even to the extent of my mind plotting all sorts of evil in order to cause him hurt and pain. But, it happened, and it continues to happen, more off than on at this point.

    When the love reaches the 'intensity' zone and the attachment feels irreversible, this is when the negative feelings begin to arise. Or when Edji pushes you beyond your comfort zone and your mind begins to attack him, doubt him, question whether or not he is the one for you or whether or not he can be trusted.

    When a relationship is fresh and novel only the positive feelings and emotions arise. But as time goes by the closeness created via bonding or attachment allows for all kinds of negativity to arise as well. These feelings may or may not be expressed, but are felt none the less.

    The test of any relationship is whether or not it can survive this off and on period of negativity.

    This is true of any kind of relationship in which deep love is developed, whether it be with a friend, a spouse, a guru...

    Maybe someone more educated in the understanding of this can offer more advice. All I have to offer is my own experience.

    The one you worship at one moment you may want to crucify at another.


  16. John, I've actually never heard of guru-yoga. Wow! How could there have been a concept that escaped me? LOL


  17. thank you joan. yes, i've experienced that without knowing what was happening. thank you.

    ricky, yes, i like your skepticism. i think it's healthy. we are all full of shit most of the time.

    i must say i consider my manure to be high grade! =)

    i think edji wants us to abandon the conceptual mind through chanting, loving the 'i am' and listening to the teacher.

    it's our only hope of Peace.

    and i don't see much peace this holiday season...

  18. John, my experience with the Christian church was relatively negative, though not at first.

    My first experience with Jesus was outside of the church. It was a deep experience of love within my heart. I truly, truly loved him.

    I would sit and repeat his name over and over again until I became intoxicated. Or I would hear someone mention his name and I would begin to cry. I was consumed with him in an innocent, unconditioned, childlike way.

    For several weeks following this initial experience with Jesus as love in my heart, when I would go to sleep, I would have dreams of him walking and talking with me. These dreams would go on all night long. When I awoke, I would have no memory of anything said, just an ever increasing sweetness and sense of love for this dead icon that I knew nothing about for the most part.

    These early weeks were precious and pure for me as a 19 year old.

    Then I was invited to church. Initially everything seemed so awesome. The people were warm and friendly. It was the only sense of family that I had, and for a while it was good. At least it was an escape from the bars and the one night stands.

    It wasn't long before this childlike, innocent love began to be squeezed and shaped into tiny little molds called 'beliefs', which gave birth to all sorts of rights/wrongs; shoulds/should nots; moralities/immoralities. It was so subtle at first. I didn't notice it. I was more interested in feeling like I belonged somewhere for the first time in my life. I wanted to feel wanted, accepted, valuable...

    Something that had seemed so alive, so life giving, began to fade into the background. The music began to fade so to speak. I traded my first love for beliefs about my first love. I see it so clearly now. (I cry as I type.)

    After months of Bible teaching, the love that was directed toward Jesus and burned like a flame in my heart began to be dispersed between Jesus and his Father.

    Initially I was afraid of his dad. Not only did I need Jesus to save me from hell, but I needed him to save me from his dad as well.

    Jesus was easy to love, but I had big trouble with God, his father. I couldn't love someone who: drowned all his children but eight special ones, ordered mass genocide, demanded the slaughter of millions of animals to stay his own anger, told me to forgive when he punished the unlucky for eternity, told me not to kill when it seemed like his favorite sport...

    So, in order to reconcile myself with Jesus' dad, I cast myself as one of the chosen, the special, the saved. This way, I could fit into the church, love God, be loved by God and judge and condemn anybody and everybody outside of my small, small paradigm, which was constructed out of my learned 'beliefs'.

    It is these beliefs, mainly conventional ones, that I am in the process of being liberated from. Dropping the religious oriented beliefs was a piece of cake compared to all this.

    Loving Ed has helped me to feel love for Jesus again. The difference is in name only.

    If my husband reads this, you guys better make sure you hide the nails because he'll be bringing a cross for me. He thinks it blasphemous to make such a comparison. I understand though, a few years ago I would have thought the same thing.


  19. wow joan, fantastic, fantastic, fantastic. i could write for three hours about all you said, but i'll be brief.

    what happened to you is a classic case of religion gone oh so wrong. you started with a Living relationship and then got into religion. it's in the bible. look at galatians 3:3:
    'Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?'

    what he's saying is we're 'saved' by grace, faith, spirit, not by keeping certain laws, moral codes, ceremonies... religion essentially.

    it's about a Living relationship with God or Guru (they're both the same). the key word is relationship. that's from your Heart. rules, regulations, laws... that's all head.

    again, it's people teaching religion instead of Spirit. and as a matter of fact that can be done in any religion, including advaita!

    as far as what your husband thinks, he's just repeating what he's heard every sunday for the last 40 years or more. it's not his fault, he's just brainwashed.

    these are the things that break precious edji's heart joan. this prison that you're in. and don't worry, i have mine and i'm sure everyone else here has theirs.

    follow Truth, follow Love, follow Edji. isn't he precious? i learn sometimes just watching his simple movements. grabbing for a book, talking to lakshmi, smiling...

    you're a huge sweetheart edji and i don't care if the advaita police come and arrest me for saying it.


  20. joan, one more thing and this is really important. jesus was always battling the pharisees, teachers of religions law. they knew all the scriptures, wore perfect robes, loved admiration and yet were spiritually bankrupt.

    all they had was in the mind. jesus would scream at them 'hypocrites!'

    this is the battle between mind and Heart. the pharisees, the mind and jesus, the Heart.

    there is a righteous anger that jesus had and you will see in edji towards animal cruelty, the facebook gurus, etc.

    the facebook teachers/neo-advaitins are very similar to the pharisees of the bible. outwardly perfect, groomed, manicure, well-spoken, no swearing...

    and yet there's nothing there. and i don't mean Nothing with a capital N!

    edji screams BULLSHIT!!!

    there was a ruggedness to christ and you will find a similar quality in edji. it's a humanness, real, earthy, honest, simple, juicy, with a little mud on his bare feet from walking in the real world of real human pain.

    you'll have to find your own parallels, there's a ton.

    and now for the really deep stuff...

    ok, when you look at edji tomorrow night or whenever you are actually looking at yourself. all those qualities of love, peace, joy, wisdom, clarity, humor, freedom are all YOU. watch, it's all right there out in the open. he couldn't hide the light if he wanted to.

    edji is yourself. THAT'S why we like him folks.

  21. I don't know what to say John, other than I feel really annoyed at you right now.


  22. John I have tried to be accepting of you.
    And every time you write your love poetry I become inflamed with anger towards you.

    I'm not sure what it is, perhaps jealousy .

    But you seem to write on behalf of everyone.
    Now I have a different film playing to you so can you please stop categorizing Edji.

    With every comment someone writes.. You applaud them entirely.. Maybe you are such a lover.
    Something I must work on.

    But if I have one Christmas wish from you.
    Can you please speak from your behalf only.
    I do however appreciate you speak from your experience.

    Don't just keep telling me what Edji wants, and what Edji Thinks, feels .

    Edji can meet me on my level and tell me what I need to hear.

    If this is to much to ask..create a Facebook and go nuts there


  23. Dear John,

    I must say I agree with Ricky.

    Your comments lack the sincerity of a true spiritual seeker and get more arrogant with each post.

    As Robert and so many other Masters have said, if you truly want to progress "Shut Up".

    This is Edji's teaching blog, not yours.

    Best Wishes of the Season to Everyone.

  24. maybe i'm full of shit.
    maybe i love people.
    but, yes, there's something fishy about me always speaking for edji like his ambassador or something.

    god, who knows.

    i don't know if people grow by just staying in holy silence, but if you want me to shut up, so be it.

  25. "It is one's eternal true state, but it is not a knowledgeable state—you cannot know It. So-called knowledge is boundless and plenty in the state of attributes, "I Am."

    I have no idea what that last sentence means, but… [repeating]"

    Maybe it simply means that via I AM - i am or We are able to experience and gather infinite types of knowledge, since there is no end, whether going up into the highest scales of this infinite universe or down into the smallest scales known to us and endlessly much below or above even that. Including of course the types of knowledge in all the currently veiled higher dimensions as well.

    Maybe he just suggests to focus right on the "absolute" rather then on the never ending grandeur of this infinite creation (esp in the higher realms of love and compassion and non violence) and losing the "absolute" out of sight or focus.

    Anyway, Merry Christmas to You Ed and your family!