Our teacher, the Beloved Robert, said this, "The Jnani does not come in peace. Most people believe when they approach a spiritual Master that he/she will bring peace, harmony, happiness, love and joy into their lives. A Jnani/Sage/Self comes to upset your life, to pull you out of your samsaras, to resolve your karma, to make you free. A spiritual Master does not come to please you, and is not lovey dovey. The Sage causes certain things to happen in your life in order for you to be free. An immature person can not stand the fire of the Sage as things appear to become progressively worse."
I am not at all interested in trying to have my humanhood improved. It is not my concern at all. I do not expect this relationship to be comfortable for the 'I'. Your very presence is the antithesis of this. Jesus, another great spiritual Master said, "I have not come to bring peace but a sword."
The purpose for this email is to thank you for asking for and contemplating that picture of me that I sent to you. All hell is breaking loose - and it is good. It feels like a fire has been set and at times it is not very comfortable...but all is well. It was mere arrogance to think that I was further along than I was. Your 'seemingly' cold response about the whole suicide thing last week was exactly what I needed to hear. Initially, I thought you were cold and uncaring, but as I sat with your words it dawned on me that this body must not be real at all in order for you to say such a thing. For if this body were real you would have acted as if it were so. For this I am grateful. Truly, I do not know as yet the ways of the Self. I do not know how things ought to unfold or when. But, there is a deep and sweet surrender to You - the Self .
Just wanted you to know that I appreciate you Master and it is my greatest joy to surrender all this 'hell' to You. For You are greater than 'i'.