Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

Hi Ed,

Over the past few days there has been quite a shift.  The attention has moved from the 'stuff' of life and has moved to the reality that the "I" is always right there with the 'stuff'.  It is being seen that thoughts, feelings, suffering, birth, death, this so called existence...good and bad are for the 'I'.  Everything is attached to the 'I'...so it seems.  When I try to hold onto the 'I', really hold onto it...it dissolves as well.  Then there is emptiness, nothing, but the seeing of this leaves such a sense of excitement...almost uncontainable at times.  Just the seeing that 'everything is for the 'I' seems to open a channel of bliss somehow.  I am wondering, do I also question, 'who is this bliss for?'  There is a sense that it is also for the 'I', for the obvious answer would be 'for me'.  Then it follows, "who is the 'me', and the whole thing starts over and over again. 

Edji: Don't think, question and interpret.  Get rid of thinking.  Just watch and abide in the I-sense. Love the I-sense. 

Also, for a couple of days there was such a strong irresistible pull coming from within...pulling the mind inward.  It subsided somewhat, but what seems to have been left or been deposited in its place is a love that seems not of this world. 

Edji: Yes, perfect! 

The sense of me as a person seems very flimsy at times...

Just wondering if you see any thing in this testimony that needs correction or is there anything that needs to be redirected.

Edji: Yes, just keep watching and melting and stop all the wondering, analyzing and interpreting.  See it all unfold with fresh eyes and no thinking. 

There is no sense of desperation to become 'Self Realized'...there is a gentle peace and patience pervading all practice.  Yet, I'd have to say that I'd like to wrap it up.  I do not want to be deceived. 

What is your take on the necessity of a 'living Guru'?  I don't know how more alive you and Robert could be to me...you are alive to me as me.  Yet, I'm wondering if there comes a time when the actual physical presence of a so called Guru is necessary.  I don't worry about these things for I know all will unfold as needed.

Edji: If you get into trouble, just think of me.  Otherwise just watch yourself. There is no difference between the guru and you. You create an appearance of difference by thinking.