Realizing the Manifest Self--the Life Force permeating our humanity--and the Unmanifest source from which it arises.
10 March 2011
Hello, Ed. It is strange, but sunbathing has always sent my attention inwards automatically . And a few hours ago I was just enjoying some time on the beach looking at the sun with my eyes closed and my mind focused on the "I am" feeling. But not as a practice, since, as I told you a pair of months ago, I´m 100 % sure that there is no "one" inside of me who could practice (or stop doing it intentionally). And the results have been surprising. I don´t know if you´ll agree with me, but I came to a different conclusion to the ones I used to have when I "watched" the I am in the past as a practice. What´s different? This afternoon I had the conviction that the "I Am waking feeling" is not just a normal manifest "feeling". Rather, it is the result of the intermitent attention of the mind towards its unmanifest source. I have always despiced the "waking I am feeling" since I considered it the ultimate identification and slavery, the source of all concept, spirituallity included, and the last thing a spiritual seeker is willing to get rid of. And, of course, this waking state´s "I am" feeling is intermitent. It comes and goes without touching me, so it definately is not what I am. But today, when I allowed it to shine without interfering, I deeply felt that it is the reflection of the Absolute on the waking mind. It is not just one more feeling. It is more like putting a mirror to get a reflection of the Sun rays. Yes, the reflected ray (the waking state´s "I am" feeling) is not the Sun (the Absolute), and it is also true that the reflection will last only while the mirror is there (while our body is alive and in the waking state) , but that reflected ray is the nearest the mind can get to the Absolute. I felt that I am completely out of this world, unmanifest and formless, without the slightest need of a mind that confirms this, but also felt that the "I am" feeling is the reflection of that which I am on the "manifest plane". It is like an intermitent taste in the manifest plane of that which is not intermitent and not in the manifest plane. I don´t know if this makes sense, Ed. Thank you very much for your time.
Of course it makes sense!! This is perfect understanding. First you realize the I Am is not you, then later you recognize it is you in a away, but not really you.