08 June 2018


Robert said he had no desire to have a lot of students. He wanted ten who would stay with him no matter what happened, no matter what he did or what he said.

You see, Robert was not of this world, not of the mundane world of humanity. He wanted to take you to God and then even beyond God. He wanted to take you beyond all words, all concepts, and all human points of view. To that end he was always doing actions to drive students away, or at least to test them. Few could tolerate his lack of ego stroking. He burned people with his words and actions. So they ran away to nw teachers who spoke nicely, and never hurt their feelings.

Even I did not stay with him all the way. I could not move with him to Sedona even though I was the one who instigated the move. Shakti would not let me move with him. Mary moved with him, but she had already abandoned him in her heart because of Robert’s, what Mary called, his womanizing.

Robert moved to Sedona and found all the students there to be liars and manipulators, and all failed to support him as they had promised to do in order to entice him to move there. Robert even told me ahead of time that none would keep their promises.

Now I feel similarly to how he felt. So far, even my most advanced students have been butterflies, hopping from one teacher to another, or one environment to another.

You see, all teachings are false, only words. When you are without words and concepts the whole world changes into a kaleidoscope of changing images, objects, emptiness, fullness that keeps changing and you are that totality. You relax into that. Everything flows and yet you feel the power of Shakti within and around you, a quiet yet massive presence always there with you, holding you, loving you and you loving her. You don’t have to destroy the mind, but you do have to drop deeper into your body and the subtle bodies below it.

I am still looking for students who are not butterflies and who can stay and take my train to God.

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