Tonight was an important sat sang for many of
us it seems. I had a long talk with N*****afterward, she was there, but
couldn't hear anything, yet felt touched deeply by your energy. I was too. I
dropped into an eerie calmness during the death meditation and remain there
now. I'm not even sure why I'm characterizing it as eerie..
Unusual? This kind state has been happening
ever since I first met you. There is a non controlled quality, where I say
things and do things without thinking about it . sometimes, even calmly
wondering why I'm doing this or saying that.
Tonight I wrote about the death of my mother
and my cat on your post. I don't know why I did it. It came out, and I trusted
in that urge to come out. Still is eerie though. Since I' ve never talked to
anyone about it. To just up and write it on a public FB post. Yet it doesn't
really concern me. I used to keep all these small moments secret, as if
revealing them would be extracting my very soul.
I remember that after the first message I sent
you, you replied, "keep talking, its good for you.". And I have kept
talking, revealing....often innocuous things.
Yet, things I usually never say or do
publically. And none of it has really mattered, when revealed. It just rolls out
of me, and I go on. Eerie. Even with Gurudatta the other night. I felt
possessed by Kali Ma, she was just using my brain and mouth to speak. Yet she
is just an aspect of my own Self as Shakti. Like energy at play in consciousness.
I had no idea what I was going into say until
I felt an emotional response and words took form.
The whole thing only appeared because of G.
attacking you. I couldn't let that happen without reply. I felt Intensely,
fiercely protective of you. And righteously indignant at this childishly bad
behavior. And words poured forth....and it all felt very good... Eerie. You
appear to be having quite an effect on me.
Stuff is just rolling out of me and is, poof,
gone. I feel transformed in some ways that I can't describe, but I am living them.
Eerie. Yes, eerie and OK. more silent inside.
Just not knowing anything really. Eerie...did I already say that.?
Strange...S.
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Ed: FANTASTIC! The hidden is brought to light effortlessly. It feelsd eerie, having the Unknown speak through you, act through you. Most amazing sense of freedom from the hidden, from the darkness of secrets, repressed memories, repressed hurts. This is exactly how it feels, the coming to light of Your awareness, of the Self.
I t is eerie, in a 'not knowing anything' sort of way, to be encountering my Self as myself. Know what I mean? Self has been "out there..." Somewhere in imagination. I never really felt like I can realize my Self. Oh, I said it, thought it, professed it....but in my heart, other people did it. Not me. Now I have direct experience of Self living in me right now. I am realizing Self is all there is...0° of separation. Really, really really eerie to me....I keep just stopping, and listening, attending inside, what is this?...don't know...no idea comes...but wonderment is everywhere...vibrancy....a huge space opening up...in me?...is me?....what me...? No one cares....just LIFE
ReplyDeleteThank you, Edji, from every quark that flows together as Syndria, thank you !