In addition, I was afraid of peeing in bed. When the catheter in my penis was removed post surgery, I began having intense urgencies to urinate whenever I felt the slightest amount of urine in my bladder, leading to wetting myself many times in the hospital. Awareness of this caused me to remain awake also.
I am on Coumadin to prevent bloodclots, which have a mortality statistic of 9/10 ths of one percent.
My blood sugar is still out of control, varying from 121 to 200 over 24 hours. This is worrisome as it had been completely controlled before surgery.
My right leg is swollen by 30-40%, feels very heavy, mushy and is hot. I can't lay on it because of pain.
But, I can walk well now, up to 200 feet at a time, and maybe 1200 feet during the day. All bliss is gone, but I feel energies moving through me very powerfully.
I have been having problems concentrating recently, making it difficult to return emails or compose new blog entries in response to students' questions.
Michael is staying with me and is feeding the cats, doing chores for me and otherwise helping out. He has been invaluable. Unlike others who said they would come and stay, he has come and stayed.
Six days post surgery, I really question why I did the surgery. The doctor made no mention of possible side effects like increased diabetes, leg swelling, etc.
Also, for six days I have been getting almost no sleep and have tried to fight the effects of continuous consciousness with various medications as in the past, but the change in venue and schedule has destroyed my ability to just become unaware, to switch off.
Now I am aware at least 22 hours a day and that awareness contains a lot of uncomfortable physical and mental sensations, including not being able to differentiate a dream state from a waking state until a nurse cam into my room at midnight, and finally found she was not part of any dream. There was absolutely no difference between the states.
I am even aware of the period of unawareness, or deep sleep, between the continuous states of waking. I am aware there is no phenomena during that phase.