Mercury has now gone retrograde. I do not know whether that has anything to do with it, but so many people are writing to me or calling me about how lonely and abandoned they feel.
This is the time to feel it fully, not try to escape it by saying it is not real, or by saying everything is unfolding as it should.
Instead, embrace the loneliness, the fear and anxiety, the despair and the longing for peace and rest. Embracing this negativity, as difficult as it is. Embracing it will fill your life with a heavy, but familiar and enlivening sadness. Sadness and despair are as rich, as full, and as enlivening as the greatest love.
We will go through this period together. Do not feel as if I have abandoned you. I am with you through this.
My mother is now in an ICU in Phoenix, suffering from a severe colon bleed. She refuses further testing that they want to do. She is 95 and is growing tired. She is stable, and it is likely just another bleed from her diverticulosis condition.
Lakshmi’s roommate, Little Red, who shares the office with Lakshmi and I, appears to be dying. He is less than 2 years old. He basically stopped eating two months ago, got very thin and anemic, and developed an anemia-related heart murmur. We are treating him for a suspected non-viral Leukemia at this point with an appetite stimulant, steroids, chemotherapy, and Procrit to build his hemoglobin. Tonight we start giving fluids under the skin laced with vitamin B-12 to rehydrate him with the B-12 making him feel better. He has started to eat 36 hours ago, and MAY live, but if he has Leukemia, he has no more than 6 months.
Kerima found one of the cats where she works lying panting in the heat. Yesterday she took “Momma” to the vet to see what was wrong. Momma had a massive kidney failure and likely a secondary viral-Leukemia. Kerima had her put to sleep at the vet’s recommendation, which of course, devastated Kerima.
The feral cats I feed at night are now suffering from a prolonged hot spell, already 4 days long and projected to last through Monday. The highs each day are between 104 and 108. They are suffering greatly with no relief.
Feel the suffering deeply. Do not run from it. It will fill you with gratitude and life. We are all in this together.
Yes, I feel sad surrounded by these illnesses and death, and the approaching of death, so I am with all of you right now who feel their despair, loss and loneliness deeply.