09 August 2012

Mercury has now gone retrograde. I do not know whether that has anything to do with it, but so many people are writing to me or calling me about how lonely and abandoned they feel.

This is the time to feel it fully, not try to escape it by saying it is not real, or by saying everything is unfolding as it should.

Instead, embrace the loneliness, the fear and anxiety, the despair and the longing for peace and rest.  Embracing this negativity, as difficult as it is. Embracing it will fill your life with a heavy, but familiar and enlivening sadness.  Sadness and despair are as rich, as full, and as enlivening as the greatest love. 

We will go through this period together.  Do not feel as if I have abandoned you.  I am with you through this.

My mother is now in an ICU in Phoenix, suffering from a severe colon bleed.  She refuses further testing that they want to do.  She is 95 and is growing tired.  She is stable, and it is likely just another bleed from her diverticulosis condition.

Lakshmi’s roommate, Little Red, who shares the office with Lakshmi and I, appears to be dying.  He is less than 2 years old.  He basically stopped eating two months ago, got very thin and anemic, and developed an anemia-related heart murmur. We are treating him for a suspected non-viral Leukemia at this point with an appetite stimulant, steroids, chemotherapy, and Procrit to build his hemoglobin.  Tonight we start giving fluids under the skin laced with vitamin B-12 to rehydrate him with the B-12 making him feel better. He has started to eat 36 hours ago, and MAY live, but if he has Leukemia, he has no more than 6 months.

Kerima found one of the cats where she works lying panting in the heat.  Yesterday she took “Momma” to the vet to see what was wrong.  Momma had a massive kidney failure and likely a secondary viral-Leukemia.  Kerima had her put to sleep at the vet’s recommendation, which of course, devastated Kerima.

The feral cats I feed at night are now suffering from a prolonged hot spell, already 4 days long and projected to last through Monday.  The highs each day are between 104 and 108.  They are suffering greatly with no relief.

Feel the suffering deeply.  Do not run from it.  It will fill you with gratitude and life.  We are all in this together.

Yes, I feel sad surrounded by these illnesses and death, and the approaching of death, so I am with all of you right now who feel their despair, loss and loneliness deeply.  


  1. I don't want to give the wrong impression. The sadness and potential of loss barely touches me. When you embrace it fully, no resistance, it either flows through you or it fills you with life-energy. It is actually quite blissful to feels these "negative" feelings fully. They become transmuted into great pleasure.

  2. I thought it was just me! Lately the despair and futility of this living thing have been hitting me, making me just want to give up and let it all go--what's the point?

    Ed, have you found a method of embracing inner emotions that works well for you and/or others? I often imagine I am wrapping my arms around the feeling that is now arising, attempting to generate a feeling of love toward it. This doesn't always produce love, sometimes I just feel more resistance to the original negative emotion. Other times I go into the feeling and almost indulge in it, feeling as much of the pain or sorrow or anger or whatever as I can, while temporarily going along with the stories being told that are re-energizing the emotion. I don't know if this is a good idea either.

  3. What EXACTLY is the wrong impression that you didn't want to give??

  4. If one is unable to embrace the "sadness" and depression reigns and reigns supreme in unending relentless torment. I believe that you are recommending - "enduring" as the only way to deal with this torturous state.
    Nisargaddatta says the same. Except when there is intractable pain from aggressive cancers does he concede euthanasia may have a place.
    Why is suicide never an option? Why such a distinction between the suffering of the mind and the pain of a degenerating body?. As if one is more legitimate somehow!
    Suicide needs to talked about not because it may be an answer but because so, so many resort to it.
    In this country more people die from suicide than from the many thousands of road accidents - annually.
    If you are not he one to talk with about this and this is not the forum to discuss it - who/where is? You are my teacher I don't email you or ring I sit back and read the posts and comments all the while "embracing" as fully as I can the feelings - but always the question looms "To be or not to be"?
    Since the comment by anonymous and your post here - I have to reach out

    what happens to the consciousness when one suicides - the only thing that stops me really considering it is the unbearable thought of doing this all over again... confused lost scared you bet I am -\

    1. Mimi, You are courageous to voice this... something which many people have considered at one point or another.

      Maharaja's words that you refer to ... he wrote that while it's possible to end the physical body, doing so would leave the mental bundle in-tact, yes I remember.

      i have no idea what happens... it's a worthwhile question to investigate. and i agree, it receives little attention.

      the pain, he said, is a messenger that has to be heeded, whatever that means.

      we need to address these questions in this forum. it has everything to do with being authentic, of facing the human condition..

  5. I guess what I mean, is that if we were together and deeply sharing the emotions, they would flow through you too. You can fully experience an emotion, and at the moment of total immersion, give it to another, share an expression FROM THAT EMOTIONAL STATE, not ABOUT that emotional state. So many believe they are being vulnerable when they talk ABOUT their feelings, almost as if they were in the past, observed and objective. What you need to do is let the feeling pervade you totally, wash over and through you, and in that share it with another, or give it away. In the same way, you can give bliss and love to another also.

  6. If I can't alleviate the suffering of MIMI or others, then of what use am I?

    1. This is a potent question David and one that if felt deeply can foster great humility. It has always been my nature to be a 'fixer'. I've never been able to tolerate others hurting or suffering in any kind of way and I am often humbled by the realization that at times there is nothing I can do but bear their burdens with them in whatever way I can.

      I am seeing too that I have often wanted to alleviate the suffering of others so that I didn't have to feel it, so that I could escape from it.

      These are just random thoughts, not meant to be any kind of answer to the dilemma that we all deal with when coming face to face with the sufferings of humanity.

  7. Mercury actually came OUT of retrograde on Aug 8th.. but there would be effect as well

  8. Mercury actually came out of retro on Aug 8 but effects would be felt

  9. Dear Rich,

    Get close to Ed, real close, hold onto his presence, feel his emptiness, his love, his Shiva and you will know you - with all emotions, all suffering and the love that you are.


    1. Rich, I agree with Janet. Shit, did I just say that :)))))

    2. Thank you, Janet and J. I'm finding lately that depth of emotion creates depth of all emotion--when love grows, the ensuing sadness of loss is deeper as well. But I feel more alive this way than ever and my new ability to love my growing sense of presence and project that love upon command toward others is making social interactions such a joy! And it's all because of Ed! Thank you Ed for both showing this kind of path and for resonating it so that I can become more open and empty! Thank you for helping breathe life back into me!
      Love, rich

  10. Hi Ed .
    "This is the time to feel it fully..."

    It's sounds like a quote you had put on the blog one day. Something like :
    " God break your heart again and again until it remain open ...."

    Difficult to admit , but it sounds true , and I' don't know why .Maybe an intuition .
    Always the same stuff : the feeling of separation ...

    Thanx for your words .

  11. I find it remarkable that Sri Nisargadatta's teaching resonates in these blogs. While the appearance is gone, the spirit lives on...

  12. hello David,
    i wonder whether it is not because Edj has pointed and explained his teaching like he does here ! I had reading Nisargadatta before and didn't found him as interesting as Edj talks about him now . I found his big book sur le I am very boring , always repeating the same thing and i had not seen the subtilities of his teaching . And his character seemed not very sympathic and a bit frigtening !
    I prefer to know him across Edj , here it is very brillant ! thanks Edj !!!