Dear Edji,

I want to thank you for your guided meditation that I listen to often.

During meditation and also in the normal working day, I repeatingly regard everything
as sensations, the visual world, body feelings and thoughts, everything. Everything steps back and I become empty.

While breathing deeply in my stomac, I am dwelling in emptiness and the world goes on happening. It gives access to the "I am nothing in particular, yet I am".

When I am there, people interact with my body and I observe it wondering "who" they mean with "you", it feels like being a hologram.

So far, it's not a big light that I could fall into and die, but when I am there, a pulling into deepness is felt.

Is it ok ?

Best wishes,
L

RESPONSE:


Don't worry about any light. That usually only happens to a few at the beginning of practice and goes away the more advanced they get.

You are doing well, in fact, perfectly.  Just keep doing as you are doing.

Ed

My mother is 93 years old. She has had Rheumatoid Arthritis since age 35 and has been in almost constant pain because of it for almost 60 years. Her bones are fragile from osteoporosis, and she has diverticulosis that periodically causes intestinal bleeding. Yet she says she does not feel like she is 93, she says she feels like she is still 18.  She has been saying this to me for the last 20 years, "I don't feel like I am 70. I don't feel like I am 83," etc.


Isn't that the same for all of us?  Deep down we don't feel any different than we did 20 or 30 or 40 years ago.  Why is this? Poor memory? Delusion?


No, it is because our base state, the Krishna consciousness, the Absolute, the Self, known by a thousand names according to the different traditions, does not change.  It is that to which the waking and sleep states come and go, and which observes the body and world through space and time. Compared to this state, all the states, things, thoughts and perceptions that come and go appear to be illusions, comprised of and penetrated by emptiness.


That is out goal, to know the Self and abide in it until it becomes our primary identification, instead of identification with our bodies, position in the world, our work, or our role as wife, husband, father, mother or child.  These are accidents so to speak. These elements and roles and identifications change over time, but the basic observer does not.


(This is an aside. You have to realize that all those perceptions, thoughts, emotions, etc., that comes and go, are also you, but they are the impermanent and changeable parts of you.  I want to help you find that unchanging part of you and identify with that as your primary identity as opposed to the changeable.)


So, how do we know this state and accept it as our primary identification? 


There are many ways, but the one Ramana taught was self-inquiry, as did Robert and so do I.  But also, a practice I recommend for some, is to just sit and do nothing. At first you need to sit somewhere and observe, but eventually the sense of observing goes away and you are just sitting, doing nothing.


This is what students do at a Zen monastery or center; they sit doing nothing. At first they observe whatever is in front of them with partially opened eyes so they don't drift into sleep, then whatever is in the mind, then sounds from outside, smells, the birds, etc.


But if the sitting is strong enough, done long enough, that which is the world and mind begin to disappear, including awareness of the body.  Soon, you will pass through a state that appears to be sleep, but you are awake. You are fully conscious but you see, hear and feel nothing. The mind is asleep, suspended, and you are no longer even aware that you are aware.


Then you go into various samadhis, such as oneness with everything, the complete disappearance of limitations and boundaries.  You are in the waking sleep state.


This all happens when you remain still and stop doing things because the mind has stopped.


You need not wait for formal meditation times. Just go to a coffee shop and sit quietly watching people and your surroundings. Do not interact. Just watch. Watch your reactions to events around you and people coming and going.


Do this too at the beach or a park where individuals and families are passing by, each deeply involved in whatever they are doing. Notice the squirrels playing, and the feeling of the breeze on your face. Listen to the waves, but sit very, very still until the stillness of your body pervades your entire perceived world.


Soon, you may feel still and powerful like a mountain, with all of the thoughts, emotions, visual and auditory experiences coming to you, but you sit still as a mountain.  


Then you begin to recognize your true, fundamental and unchanging self-nature.  The illusions fall away along with the false identifications, and gradually you become free. 

I am going to pull a neo-advaitin and post a quote. But the quote is so perfect. Many times people write me that if the world is unreal, why should I do anything to make it better or help anyone. Ramana said:


The jnani (enlightened one) lives in the Heart. When he moves about and deals with men and things, he knows that what he sees is not separate from the one supreme reality, the Brahman which he realized in the Heart as his own Self, the real.

- Sri Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi

Hi Edji-


I've been listening to your emptiness of the body meditation twice a day for a couple of days now and continuing enquiry after it ends and I'm having some rather frightening experiences.  They are familiar to me, but I have not experienced them since leaving the meditation center years ago...


First I become aware of my mind creating the image of my body in awareness in order to connect the sensations there.  The image is recognized and falls away, leaving only the sensations floating in awareness as you described.  Then I move to the perception of my "face" in the awareness, and that too falls away.  After resting there for some time I feel as if I'm being pulled backward through blackness and the blackness gives way to brilliant light engulfing everything.  My heart starts pounding in my chest, I feel as if cold air is being blown into my nostrils and I start sweating profusely.  It's frightened me so much I sit up and forcefully start thinking to end the experience.  It feels like the light is ending my life and what's on the other side is uncertain.  Although it is frightening, I must admit I'm excited.  I haven't experienced much of anything in years with such intensity.  The unity experience with it's accompanying bliss would be preferable but, hey, Ill take what I can get.  Should I let the light take me or what?


Thanks,


S.




Response:


S.,


What an opportunity!!!!! Let it take you!!


I missed that opportunity in 1969, and it took me another 26 years to awaken.


Go for the light!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ed


BACK TO ED:


Edji-

Thank you for you blessings and guidance.  If it comes for me again, I will let it destroy me.

Last time it touched me I perceived the totality of Consciousness for almost three days, without a 'me' or center.  This time I will know to go deeper thanks to you (if there is anything left over).  Even today I feel the world as unreal and am quick to be drawn into laughter.  I feel it waiting for me like electricity behind my back.

I hope to meet you There.

At Your Feet,

S.

On the Perfection of Practice, Devotion and Grace

Edji

Hello Sir,

I just wanted to take the time to thank you for Satsang.  It was wonderful sitting in your presence, and the experience of the whole Satsang pulled me deep within and touched my Heart.  There were many hugs between us, but the first one we had was very touching for me.  I am so happy that I could be there with you, and thanks to the other attendees as well it was a wonderful experience all around.  I cannot thank you enough for offering your home and your presence to all of your students.

When I briefly spoke to you about practice at Satsang, you recommended that I send you an update, so I suppose I will try to describe my state as best I can, and hopefully you can get an idea of where I am at and, what, if anything, I should focus on practice-wise:

I see that all states sleeping, waking, and dream come to me, and are separate from me or whatever my deeper nature is, which is not a personality or individual, but an observer of experiences.  There is nothing inside me, so to speak, there is just the experience of Ryan during waking consciousness, the experience of dreams during dream state, and the experience of Nothing during deep sleep.

This is partially concept based and not yet fully realized and partially 'who I Am', because I still  identify - to an extent - with Ryan in the waking state, however I know that I am not him.  He is just an appearance that comes and goes, yet I am constantly present and watch all states pass.

I am more centered in beingness now, however, and this has completely altered the perception of time and the experience of 'being human'.  Days literally pass like they never happened, and each experience just gives way to the next in the ever present stillness of emptiness in which beingness, sensations, thoughts, and all else floats.  The emptiness prevades all, yet I still identify (although toa much lesser extent) with the experiences, because, as I said, I still have a desire to explore being human before 'I' completely detach from beingness and this world to the 'more real' world of emptiness.  A part of me knows this shift from experience to emptiness is already happening now (and that it never happened at all), but I am still at a place where the world interests me in the same way a toy interests a curious child...  

I have a feeling of complete innocence here.  I feel as if a child wrapped in the arms of his mother (as Rajivji so aptly describes consciousness at times) lacking all control, and having faith and acceptance that everything will be OK in mothers' arms, because how could they not, Sir???  I will be honest, though, at times I question if things will be OK, because I see and experience the suffering in this world and I just don't know... I don't know....  It makes me realize this world and beingness itself isn't all fun and bliss, but has much pain and suffering, which is why I want to help you and make it my life's mission to help other beings.   

My dreams are much more vivid and I remember most of them.  I had one especially vivid dream where I felt like I was in waking state, which made me realize that the world is really just a projection of mind.  I have yet to see many visions in meditation (I know these are as important as any other experience--that is not at all), but I had one of the boy in the article you posted. I became the boy who was murdered by that man... I was the boy laying on the ground with leaves scattered under me, and a shadowy figure was standing above me with trees surrounding us. I felt so afraid.  He hit me twice in the head with a rock, after the first strike it obscured my vision and then he picked it up and threw it at my head again... and it was over.  I didn't feel any pain, but I felt the fear, terror and anxiety of the boy... Tears burst out, I couldn't control myself, it makes me emotional thinking about it even now.  I also told you about how my Heart blew up after which the 'sting' of emotional, and physical experiences of life has slowly dissipated as you've stated.  I understand that they are unreal and transitory, but moreover I accept them for what they are, and in this embrace have become contented beyond any temporary feeling of happiness. 

I love you so much, Edji. You are my Self, not like how other individuals are reflections of the Self, but you are pure consciousness - the Self of all apparent selves... I see this better now, and feel it when I look into your eyes.  You are not human.  You are beyond all this and deep inside I know I am You and You are me, and I know I am beyond all this, but because I have not yet had this experience it remains conceptual knowledge... 

I am no longer in any rush for experiences of oneness, bliss, transcendence, or enlightenment as I once was when I began this path with you.  I am just interested in being honest to who I Am and being as accepting, loving, and caring to all others and myself as I possibly can, because that is being true to who I Am -- open, loving, caring.

... This is a lot of surface stuff. It's all mind.  I have no idea if this gives you an idea of where I am, but I tried.

I suppose I already know the answer to any questions on practice I may have --- shut up and go within!!!! :) 

And it is just that which I shall do!!  In the meantime, I await our true meeting, Master.

Love beyond words,

Ryan

RESPONSE:   Ryan, where you are is the perfection of practice, devotion, and grace meeting.  Just persevere in the moment as you are. 

My greatest love and respect,


Edji

Hello Dear Ed,


A progress report :)
I wrote to you a week ago asking your advice on how to stay centered in the I AM, as it can be "temporarily forgotten". You encouraged to:-


"Be gentle. Don't force it. Just watch the attention going outwards and return to I Am.
After all, the I Am must eventually go."


Well, dear Ed I have been doing as said, gently watching the attention go out and come back to the I Am....Must say, t's more watching it come back really, because it's hard to catch it go out every time. But that also is getting easier with constant practice. The awareness of being present each moment is now increasing, and a peacefulness prevails in daily activities.


There also seems to be a massive connection to the heart now. There was a connection before, but now this has magnified....like a bliss filling space of the body.


It used to be only ocasionally that I would feel like the witness of all things in the daily activities, however, it is almost constant now. It is also seen that no-thing is real now whether in meditation or waking state.


Dear Ed, I do hope that this email correspondence is not an imposition....I know you are very busy, and I would never want to keep you away from the great work you do on behalf of the cats of Los Angeles.


with much love
E.

Look at my friend's blog, Mary Cummins. She rescues and rehabilitates injured wild animals in the Los Angeles area. We have worked closely together on any number of animal issues since January, 2006.  Last year she rescued and rehabilitated several thousand animals, including squirrels, skunks, raccoons, rabbits, dogs, opossum, turtles, etc., and saved 95% of them.


http://animaladvocateswildliferehabilitation.blogspot.com/

For every horror story, somewhere there is a saint. Dr. Conrad shown in Mary's latest post, could be a candidate for chief vet at our low cost, non-profit clinic.

A difficult lesson on the cruelty of consciousness

10-yr-old’s body found in Chembur; evidence points to child sacrifice

Panic and anger in the neighbourhood as special investigation teams struggle for clues

Ashutosh Patil

The mutilated body of a 10-year-old boy was discovered on a hilltop near Chembur-Vashi junction on Sunday afternoon, sparking panic and anger in the neighbourhood. Circumstantial evidence and the condition of the body have given credence to the theory that the boy, Joginder Mali, may have been a victim of child sacrifice which followed sexual abuse. Joginder, who lived in Bharat Nagar with his eight siblings - they are five brothers and four sisters - and parents, went to school on Saturday morning and never returned. Joginder’s father, Hariprasad, who runs a small pan-cigarette shop in the neighbourhood, filed a missing complaint at 9 pm at the RCF police station. The victim’s family hold up a picture of 10-year-old Joginder Mali and (below) the spot in Chembur where his body was found Though both the boy’s neighbours and the police searched for him, they made no headway until Sunday when they stumbled upon his body in some bushes on top of a hill some 200 metres from his house. Joginder was lying in a pool of blood, his head smashed with a heavy stone which was left next to his body. Police also recovered a bunch of red threads commonly used in rituals, ceremonial red and black powder, bottles of essence, incense sticks, a plastic bag with cooked rice and photos of deities worshipped by followers of black magic. The crime had been committed under a banyan tree, and the articles were recovered below another banyan tree 20 ft away. According to an investigating officer who did not wish to be identified, a razor was recovered from the spot which was used to tonsure the boy’s head and later slit his throat. Investigating officers observed that the spot was chosen with a lot of care. It is right behind the Oswal chemical factory, more than 100 feet deep into the bushy patches, and fairly isolated. “There is no way anybody would have heard the boy’s screams,” said an officer on condition of anonymity. While the police have not yet arrived at the murder motive, the post mortem report has revealed that the victim had been sexually assaulted as well. Shirish Shelke, senior inspector of RCF police station said, “We have registered a case of murder under section 302 of IPC and our special teams are looking for the accused.” The Chembur unit of the Crime Branch has also been roped in to carry out the investigations. Although evidence points towards child sacrifice and black magic, senior police officers have refused to confirm it. At the time of going to press, the investigating team had found call receipts from a PCO which may give vital clues about the murder. Apart from this there were no clues left at the crime spot that could lead to the accused.

Please, please, please re-watch the Consciousness is a Harsh Mistress Satsang on this blog.


I want you to completely let go of the notion that Advaita advances a theory that every moment is perfect presentation of peace and love, and you are at every moment embraced by a benevolent consciousness that works every second to bring you to freedom, and that a "real" student or a "real" teacher are lost in pacific bliss every moment.


Spiritual states are important to bringing you to a final experience of who and what you are at the deepest level, but in the end, it is the understanding of who and what you are, a strong conviction based on experience that is unshakable no matter what happens in this appearance of your life and world.


Consciousness tends to be most unkind. The child who disappeared in Mumbai many months ago, for whom Rajiv searched for months, was never found. He may, like many other children, have been deliberately blinded and turned into a beggar by mobsters.


I am leaving it to you to be kind and just. This often requires a lot of effort, sweat and tears on your part as well as disappointment. Do not get lost in trying to maintain a state of temporary peace.  Awakening has nothing to do with peace.


Take a look at Christ's history. Was his life of peace, or harshness and death?  Krishna fought on the side of Arjuna in a great war, telling Krishna it was his duty to kill even his relatives. Moreover, Zen has a history of violence and equanimity even in the midst of battle. 


This is how we all have to be: to have a strong sense of morals and justice in this apparent world, and act to make it better and kinder, even if that means you have to fight to make it so.


With this in mind, we are going to launch on another blog, an expose of VCA-Antech, and how their buying over 500 veterinary clinics and then doubling and tripling practices has had a ripple effect throughout the US and Canada, resulting in far fewer animals getting effective treatment, and at a cost to those who can no longer afford vet care for their pets.


Eventually, this campaign will result in the establishment of low cost, non-profit veterinary clinics that will reverse fee levels and provide care for people who cannot afford current vet prices.