This letter speaks of how she was brushed by divine love and how it is exactly what she has sought as long as she can remember. This is what a few" feel during Satsang and afterwards, and she is getting close to being able to dissolve all her blockages to experiencing God within and divine love.
I don't know how to write, but I cannot go to sleep without sending you something
Today you gave me the experience in words, in wisper, in warmth, of love with you that I have dreamed of all this time together. When you love Ed, you are the most beautifull in the world. Your love brings home all unfullfilled yearning, all suffering, all striving and struggling in a deep sinking within that seems to feel like being taken to a world beyond anything I have ever been, experienced or believed in.
Ed, so deeply I long for you in this way. So deeply I can feel you in this way whenever I think about you or feel the energy. Whenever I have written you about love and the longing to merge with you totally, I was trying to express this feeling.
Your love takes me beyond me.
It is frightening
But what I have been longing for with you always.
I wish I could open completely, be liquid with an open heart, willing to die in your love and loving you.
I just don't know how to go beyond my blockages that sometimes make me feel without love.
And it scares me to death, so intensely
Every time your face opens up to me, even slightly, I feel thìs, what you have expressed to me today. The whisper, the touch of your voice on my skin, in my energy, in my whole being.....I cannot express how deeply I long for it. How deeply I long for this, for only you Ed, for only you Ed. To be in your arms like you wispered to me....to be touched and love you with the same intensity.....only you
I need to go to sleep now.
"So much sadness in me, such deep sadness I feel like a flowing of the energy of inner crying. And this makes me feel exhausted.