No matter how many times I tell you this, you're still thinking, thinking, judging, judging, coming to conclusions, trying to work out your life. You have to let go, totally, absolutely, completely.
There is such a sense of release and relief once you truly let go and allow yourself to become completely clueless and stupid. Robert told me my awakening was so slow in coming because "You are too smart."
A lot of my students even get insulted when I tell them to get stupid. They think I am putting them down by not treating their questions seriously, or that I don't have answers to their "deep" questions and therefore, I am not a proper teacher.
"Truth," whatever that is, "awakening," whatever that is to you, never, ever comes through thinking about reality, meditation, self, consciousness, the absolute, or even the method. It comes from stopping relating to oneself and the world through the mind, by learning how to feel deeply, and opening ones heart.
Then the "real" changes. It becomes less solid, more flowing, softer, and far less predictable. And, it becomes far more bountiful, giving, rather than taking, just as you do.