19 November 2011

Problems after Initial Awakening

Dear Ed,

I have been listening to your youtube satsangs for maybe six months now and am very grateful for your sharing.

Having just watched your more recent one the November 5th one you mentioned when you were in the shower and you looked inside and there was nothing that you could call yourself, no Ed Muzika, nothing solid there to call you. Then you said you nearly fell to the ground from the FEAR. I think you said that there was this perception of nothingness within but this was separated from the outside by your skin. And this is what I really related too.

Just over a year ago after no conscious spiritual practice or search this very same 'experience' happened to me. I was lying in bed and it was perceived that there was no me within. Since that 'moment' it feels like I have been in constant fear and anxiety. My life at the switch of a button changed entirely. Its clearly seen that there is nothing that I can call me within, its just emptiness. And yet having said this my behaviors and reactions to certain situations keep coming up (some have dropped away.) I have now been bed bound for about 5months with a very painful physical condition. But yes I guess my main question is about the chronic fear I feel. Its sometimes obvious that it comes from feeling threatened and sometimes its not so obvious. I think its coming out of this feeling of being completely naked inside nothing to protect myself from the (whats perceived as) the big scary world outside. If you could please talk to me a bit about this and maybe how things shifted for you from that place of feeling the empty inside to the 'other' outside.

Very grateful


Dear X, 

What did your experience reveal?

Look deeply at it and the emptiness inside and outside.

You see emptiness inside and out and no you.

So what are you?

You have become one with the manifest world, space, emptiness and all the phenomena within.

This is your true nature as long as you have a functioning body.

Yet you fear no one is there to protect you from whatever danger might arise.

But as long as you are alive and are consciousness itself, the power that knows the way, as Robert referred to it, the "it" that gave you awakening, is still with you and takes care of you.  You can feel the power of this it, the vital principle, shakti, sentience, by continuing to turn "within," and by that, even though "within" does not mean much to you anymore, "look" inside of your imaginary body, to the heart area, and feel the arising of your sense of presence, what Nisargadatta calls the "I Am."  It is still available to you.

Get to know this I Am well, love it, and you will feel all the love and happiness that even the most graced human can feel.

Then eventually, deeper truths will be revealed and if the fear ever returns, it will be a common and small thing, nothing worth even a notice.

So, it is all about loving this sense of presence as well as the huge void now revealed to you.



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