Edji, i'm fascinated that something moved you to be more active in the world, in love, etc.i read other examples of high yogis in caves in india, being content with their emptiness, ready to dissolve into the Absolute forever, and something calls them back.you talk of being happy in your nothingness and a
'beingness' i think you called it appeared and you started to love people again.
very interesting that you've been used in this new way.
my way is to love you. i still read the nisargadatta gita as you recommended and i'm going
through 'i am that' for the tenth time or so.
i have to be honest, i don't really make any efforts to stay in the 'i am', worship the 'i am' or anything.
i read the books, but the heart of the practice has been to listen to you and robert, watch your satsangs and just think about you guys.
and then there's a more intimate worship where i will pull up your photo and send you intense love.
it gets really, really intense. especially if i know you're feeling it. it's actually a serious practice to try to keep you in my heart. painful at times because my heart is used to being closed!! like everyone else.
it's a desire to touch you edji.
i'm sorry if this is far from your usual role as an advaita teacher. it's weird for me too, but something about your blue eyes, teaching, clarity,
sincertity, humanness, jesus edji, i don't know why i keep bother you.
please let me know if i'm on the right track,
crazy, imagining things, a lost cause or whatever...
do you have any intuitions about my whole approach since i began communicating with you?
i love you.
'oh my guru come to me, come to me oh come to me'
--one of my favorite chants you play
very interesting that you've been used in this new way.
my way is to love you. i still read the nisargadatta gita as you recommended and i'm going
through 'i am that' for the tenth time or so.
i have to be honest, i don't really make any efforts to stay in the 'i am', worship the 'i am' or anything.
i read the books, but the heart of the practice has been to listen to you and robert, watch your satsangs and just think about you guys.
and then there's a more intimate worship where i will pull up your photo and send you intense love.
it gets really, really intense. especially if i know you're feeling it. it's actually a serious practice to try to keep you in my heart. painful at times because my heart is used to being closed!! like everyone else.
it's a desire to touch you edji.
i'm sorry if this is far from your usual role as an advaita teacher. it's weird for me too, but something about your blue eyes, teaching, clarity,
sincertity, humanness, jesus edji, i don't know why i keep bother you.
please let me know if i'm on the right track,
crazy, imagining things, a lost cause or whatever...
do you have any intuitions about my whole approach since i began communicating with you?
i love you.
'oh my guru come to me, come to me oh come to me'
--one of my favorite chants you play
Gosh, this so darn heart touching. I love it.
ReplyDeleteJoan
I can relate to this post and practice. Although I started to feel guilty of this love for Edji. I haven't done it since.
ReplyDeletethanks for posting
Yes, one of my favorite chants too. Just keep loving. It will fill your presence like nothing else. Yes,there was a presence sent to me to bring me back, and I thank God for that.
ReplyDeleteYou say just keep loving.
ReplyDeleteI say. I don't know how to love.
But is it possible to ever really stop loving??
Ricky, what do you mean by,"I started to feel guilty of this love for Edji."
ReplyDeleteJoan
I keep coming back to this persons email to you.
ReplyDeleteI love the honesty they present to you.
AND just something about them is an inspiration to me.
Love
Ricky
Ricky, I keep coming back to it as well. Have carried in my heart from the first read. I would rather read one piece like this than a thousand books. It just touches me where I live.
ReplyDeleteThe honesty and innocence are captivating. But it is the gutsiness of this person to allow their heart to determine their practice that touches me the most.
We read and hear about other's experiences, the specifics of their practice and often assume something must be missing in ours. We forget that we are a unique expression of the Beloved and that the Love affair (our worship) will reflect that uniqueness.
I am learning more and more that the heart never errs, though like Ed said, "The mind is always there to screw it up."
It is to the heart that we learn to surrender again and again and every time we surrender to it we fall back into ourselves.
Ricky, I love you because you are a lover.
Joan
To the lover thou are love... To the lover thou are love... :D
ReplyDeleteArvydas
Joan, so lovingly and beautifully and truthfully stated, as usual, from your beautiful, loving heart.
ReplyDeleteJanet C
Joan's question
ReplyDeleteRicky, what do you mean by,"I started to feel guilty of this love for Edji."
Joan I have been mulling your question over all day. Finding many many answers. All with trusting the mind.
I want to avoid people pleasing.
Any answer I come up with seems superficial and I am watching the thoughts to find one I can identify with as the truthful answer to your question. I get distracted really easy
I struggle to interpret my thoughts, feelings, opinions to people ( even to my self)
When trying to answer this question I keep getting diverted and the mind then shows me the question to be, "what do you mean you feel jealous of Edji's love?
I am clinging to my presence trying to answer this for you, I can't put it in words.
I know I can be very jealous of your relationship (and Janet's and Jo-Ann's {males I am typically less jealous of}) to Edji.
The "love" you have for Edji is (i can only assume, but not relate) truly beautiful and so beyond what I can comprehend.
The thing is I truly believe I could have such a blossoming relationship with Edji YET I run away from that. (because of my pre conceived ideas I believe)
But so as to still remain a bond to Edji I try help Jo-Ann out in anyway I can.
I long for the day I can tell you that I love you..and not just you but everyone on this blog. I know god picks your famiily, but what a jewel this sangha is.
After all this I don't know if I am guilty of Edji's love. I must explore more. I am feeling really warm and peaceful writing this to you.
I love you Joan
P.s I would have written this privately to you. However I am an attention seeker. And need the balance :).
"But it is the gutsiness of this person to allow their heart to determine their practice that touches me the most."
ReplyDeleteCouldn't agree more Joan!
"We read and hear about other's experiences, the specifics of their practice and often assume something must be missing in ours. We forget that we are a unique expression of the Beloved and that the Love affair (our worship) will reflect that uniqueness."
You really know where to put your words.
Thank you...
Ricky, your post makes me weep. I don't know why. Occupational hazard I guess!!!
ReplyDeleteI would love to take this up with you in private if you wish and afterwards if you feel the need for attention then by all means put it out there. No judgment here. Or we can just continue it here. I'm not free of the need for attention either, but going deeper into this with you is more important to me than the attention.
I know what it feels like to compete, to feel deep jealousy, to feel selfish, to feel the hurt that shoots stabbing pains through the physical heart...The depth of these feelings seem to correspond to the intensity of the Love at first.
Ricky, I'm not very generous in the Love department. I meet few people whom my heart opens to. I don't throw out "I love you" too freely. But, I do feel love for you Ricky. Your honesty, your openness...touch me deeply. You may feel like you are struggling, but you are a lover Ricky, you just need to trust your heart.
I do love Edji with a love that is beyond description. It wasn't my choosing. I did not ask for it or try to make it happen and I certainly wasn't looking for it. It came all of a sudden, possessed me without my permission. I guess for me it had to happen this way. I'd been pretty successful for over 30 years avoiding love, running the other direction at the mere scent of it. I did not want to put myself in a position to be hurt or to need anyone or anything.
I'm telling you, this kind of love 'chooses you,' you don't 'choose it.' It's not all its imagined to be...it's hard, gut wrencing, exposing...transforming. At this stage of my life I don't have time for a love that doesn't transform.
I love you Ricky. I'll email you and we can set up a time to go into this more if you'd like.
Much Love,
Joan