| My True Self as the Witness of Beingness |
Ramesh Balsekar [one of Nisargadatta Maharaj’s main interpreters, and later a spiritual teacher in his own right] called what Nisargadatta had to say—the concepts— “pointers.”
Pointers to your real nature.
The danger is always that these pointers become concepts, and a belief system. You believe you understand, and therefore you believe you are awakened. When in fact, it is just a belief, and you do not have an experience of that baseline Self.
So you have to be careful.
At first, it is just concepts… pointers to your true nature. Then, a belief; and then one day, a recognition, if you do not hold onto the belief too strongly.
So I am reading from Prior to Consciousness. We are now about a little more than a third of the way through the book.
Maharaj refers to the Absolute as Paramatman, [beyond the universal Self] or
Parabrahman [beyond the universal Consciousness.]
[Prior to Consciousness, August 24, 1980, page 46]
Questioner: Why does Paramatman, which is whole, limit itself to the body as a part?
First of all, I have got to tell you that this is a stupid question. It is a purely academic question, about the nature of consciousness, about ontology, about philosophy. Rather than asking, How, Maharaj, do I find my true nature? How do I find liberation? - this guy asks, Why does Paramatman, which is whole, limit itself to the body as a part?
If I were Maharaj, I would have said, Who the fuck cares? What does it get you to know that? It is just a concept. Go into yourself and find your own personal questions about you, not about this philosophical crap.
Philosophy will not get you out, will not give you a liberation experience or awakening experience. This is basically a chit-chat question.
Questioner: Why does Paramatman, which is whole, limit itself to the body as a part?
Maharaj: There is no reason for it, it just happens.
In other words, he does not know. He does not know the mechanism, and he does not care.
… But in the Paramatman there is no awareness of existence, there is awareness of awareness only. As soon as awareness of existence comes, there is a duality and the manifestation comes.
In other words, consciousness stirs; and the awareness which was one, now becomes that of a manifestation out there, and “me” as the Absolute, as subject. And witnessing occurs, because a duality occurs.
I take the position of the Absolute, and everything—the manifestation out there— is an object witnessed by me, the Absolute… which is an instantiation of the Absolute in this particular body-mind, of which there are hundreds of billions of live sentient beings, each sharing this one subjectivity—this one Absolute.
[Skipping ahead to page 47]
[A lakh is a unit in the Indian numbering system equal to one hundred thousand.]
Maharaj: There are 84 lakhs of different species, as soon as any conception takes place in any of these species, there is a sort of a causal body on which the print has been made at the time of conception about the nature of the form and its working.
In other words, there is a lot imprinted into every being—whether it is a worm, a bird, or a human—which conditions the nature of this consciousness, and how it acts and behaves. Monkeys behave differently than humans, but not much; and both act differently than birds and worms.
… Nobody tells a bird to fly, a fish to swim, or a worm to crawl, it is all in the conception itself.
In other words there is no separate existence outside of the concept which that entity has that it is existent; or that we have of them as existent.
… That which cannot die is now firmly convinced that it is going to die.
The Absolute has become a particular. It has become identified with a specific body-mind. It could be called Tim, Ken, Jo-Ann, Tina, Rudolph, Keith, Muzika, Joan, Janet, Dennis, Gloria; whoever. And you believe you are born, because you know that that body-mind that you believe yourself to be is destined to die; but you as the subject are not.
That which cannot die…
- which is the subject, the Absolute, your true state -
… is now firmly convinced that it is going to die. How has this fear of death crept in? It is based on the concept that one is born, on mere words; this is the bondage.
All that one has to do is find out one's source and take up headquarters there.
In other words, doing all these meditations and Self-inquiry, we find out that there is no inner object that is the host—that is Tina, Jo-Ann, Keith, Ed, Joan— that in fact, we are the subject. There is no object to die.
The subject cannot die. The subject is one, spread throughout the universe, in all sentient beings. One subjectivity, one Absolute. And there are instantiations of the Absolute in each of us—whether a worm, or Rudolph—whichever comes first. That subject does not die.
The objects die. When we look inside, we find out there is no object that is us. We are the subject.
[Prior to Consciousness, August 29, 1980, page 47]
Questioner: After knowing that one is not the beingness, the beingness still wants to be—it protects itself. Is it built into that unit?
Maharaj: Yes, that is its nature.
You know, this is another bullshit question. The guy is not asking about himself. He is asking about a philosophical concept—the one that Maharaj threw out to him.
After knowing that one is not the beingness, the beingness still wants to be—it protects itself. Is it built into that unit?
Who the fuck cares whether it is built into the unit, and God gave it that inclination? It is in you. The self-protection is in you. That is the question: how do I overcome that self-protection of the beingness in me, so that I can realise my self, my true self, as the subject of beingness, the witness of beingness?
But Maharaj does not ask him at this point to turn back on himself, like Ramana always does. Instead, he answers with conceptual answers to confound the questioner. Actually, it is more interesting the way Maharaj does it, but it is more direct the way Ramana says, Don’t ask these dumb questions. Look into yourself.
Maharaj: Yes, that is its nature.
…to protect itself.
Questioner: Is it that these units of beingness are of no more value than a picture, they are just like a picture on a TV screen—is that right?
Another stupid fucking question! Another philosophical question which he is asking a philosophical answer for, rather than anything referring to “me,” and how do I discover who I am?
Maharaj: Yes, you may take it that they are just pictures. Nevertheless it is a most amazing instrument -
The “I Am.”
- because inside it has a certain principle which contains the universe. Don't just dismiss it as a picture.
The Self cannot experience its knowingness without the help of the body.
This is very important.
The Self cannot experience its knowingness without the help of the body.
And the Self can be on two levels: the subject, which is the Absolute, and the relative level, which is the “I Am.” Which contains the personality, including the word “I” which refers to a nonexistent entity, which we often refer to as an ‘ego.’
It is a necessary instrument.
…this consciousness that we have.
Sour food and pulsation (vital breath)—without these the growth is not there and beingness will not be there.
This body is a bag of nourishment but that knowledge "I Am" is not individualistic, it is universal.
Consciousness is the same in all entities. It is just the brain, and the intelligence and so forth which gives sentience its different colours and flavours in different beings. He did not say that—I said that.
Maharaj: Yes. This beingness goes into individuality because of the form of the food package, the body. From my standpoint it is dynamic, manifest beingness only—no individuality.
In other words, the subjectivity is only one, and so is the sentience— consciousness. Consciousness is only One. It is a universal thing. Everybody experiences it more or less the same—the sense of being.
The worms do not have eyes, nor do they have ears; but they can feel sensations. They may even have thoughts, for all I know. They have a heavy tactile sense. And that is how they experience their sentience. Differently from us, with a different wiring, built-in imprints.
Once you take to this understanding there is no question of enjoying yourself as an individual. You are no more an individual, the individual is dissolved. A rare one will do this.
The one who has understood all the five elements and its play is not worried about the essence of these five elements, the beingness—this state is transcended also. That one has the fragrance of humanity: he remembers humanity, but knows that he has nothing to do with humanity.
Having understood this and transcended it, the words are of no use.
The beingness feels that it should not die, but if the so-called death has occurred, there is no loss to it.
Because he recognises himself, or herself, as the Absolute—as the subject; and the body just appears to it. Consciousness just appears to it. The various states of sleep, waking, dream; even Turiya [the ‘fourth state’ which is the substratum of the first three,] just come to you like clouds in the sky and you are not touched by them. You are entirely beyond them.
You are not of this world.
From my standpoint, whatever beingness in the form of a human being was there is all gone; because of that dissolution it has become manifest.
[continuing to August 30, 1980, page 48]
Questioner: Does the consciousness remain forever?
Now, this is a more relevant question. He is actually talking about his own existence.
Maharaj: No, the consciousness is there only so long as the body is there.
Questioner: Even when one understands, will there be bodies coming into existence and dying?
Maharaj: Yes. The five elements, three gunas, prakriti and purusha, together are the means of demonstrating the "I Amness."
… one’s own sense of being—that you exist.
In the original state there is no sense of consciousness, no awareness of being, but as soon as the "I Amness" comes the entire manifestation is seen at once, this is the expression of the consciousness. In the Absolute the "I Amness" is whole but the expression is in many. I manifest Myself in many. Human beings are one type of form and each type of form will act according to its nature, according to the combination of the three gunas [essential qualities of beingness.] How can an individual come in?
In other words, he is saying that human beings vary but so do species vary. A worm, and a monkey, and a bird are not like humans. They experience the manifest reality differently, through different senses; and it taints their awareness, their manifestation.
Also, the inborn wiring they have in their neurons determines how they see the manifestation. And it differs in each of us. That is what gives the apparent illusion of separateness.
The only way to understand this mystery is to realize your identity with the universal consciousness, which is expressed in the total space. So long as you identify yourself with the human form it is impossible for the mystery to be solved.
Why do you come here and waste your time for an hour or so? If you do some physical or mental work for two hours you would have something to show for it.
This is a lot like Robert said… all of the spiritual knowledge you will gain, which is an emptying of self, is of utter no-use to the world. You become good for nothing. You have no value to the world whatsoever. You could have done something with this meditation time, and accomplished something in the world.
He is joking, of course. He is being sarcastic.
But what you are doing now—which is finding your true nature, going beyond beingness—is of no value in the world.
[Pause]
Questioner: These are the hours that are useful; all the others are useless.
He is arguing with Maharaj. He does not like his sarcasm, saying What you’re doing now is useless, of no value.
Maharaj: How can they be useful?
- He is talking about spiritual practice -
I am destroying that for which you say these two hours are useful. I am destroying the identity.
Your identity.
Isn't it amusing that the teaching which destroys the individual is exactly what the individual wants?
Isn't it amusing that the teaching which destroys the individual is exactly what the individual wants, when he gets into spirituality? Maharaj is teaching the dissolution of the personal self. Finding emptiness, becoming emptiness.
And isn’t this what he wants? he says, because when you get rid of your self, you become everything. You become universal consciousness. You become the Absolute. You become free.
… The answer is that there never was an individual. The knowledge comes that the individual was never there.
Questioner: What is the realization?
Maharaj: Before the idea "I Am" sprouted, you are, but you don't know you are. Subsequent to that there have been many happenings with which you have started decorating yourself. You try to derive the meaning of yourself out of subsequent words, happenings, and the meaning of words ... that is not you ... give it up.
In other words, you struggle all your life for meaning, as Viktor Frankl and the other existentialist psychoanalysts talk about. You look for meaning, concepts to put your life in perspective, to give your life meaning. And he says give it up—the search for meaning. It is a trap.
You are prior to the idea "I Am." Camp yourself there, prior to the words "I Am."
He talks in other parts of his books about being the pure ‘I Am’ before the thought “I am” arises. This is the state to reside in. This is the state that divides the manifest world from the unmanifest, from the noumenon.
It is a duality. They are both differing ends of the same entity: the noumenon, the unknown, the mystery—and the manifest reality.
Camp yourself at that borderline between the two, where no thoughts arise; and part of you sinks in and feels the unmanifest in you—the unborn, the mystery of you—while still conscious.
Beauty filled beloved Edji
ReplyDeleteFeeling love's softness.
A looong, big hug
Ruby