Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

From S:

Soon after we last spoke I experienced unity consciousness for the first time. Now, as Rajiv describes, sometimes I am one with consciousness and sometimes I witness it. If I’m feeling like a body I can rather easily (most of the time) remind myself that I am not the body and I get back to association with consciousness, i.e. drop the body sense. Soon after experiencing oneness with consciousness, I burnt off the emotional/feeling aspects of bliss that I was experiencing since almost the beginning when you prescribed to me my practice, i.e. grabbing a hold of I am and sinking back into it.

Meanwhile, I have been seeing through consciousness periodically. Most of the times it feels like I’m tunneling through the center of consciousness and what’s seen through is purer than pure and transparent (in contrast to my otherwise typical experience of consciousness which is more ether-like and emotionally intoxicating). Soon after tunneling forward so to speak I started to try to bring my awareness to the background of consciousness (as you say to do in your writing). That ultimately lead to a “barreling” back through my gut and through the tunnel (in front) everything became silent-like, devoid, and rather detached from me. A few times I felt I stood apart from consciousness and watched it flow by.

A few days ago I went totally stupid feeling for a hour or so. I didn’t know anything. Here I’ll mention that my experience of consciousness will now and then fill up with complete knowingness. I was getting ready to email you to ask what I’m experiencing and what to do from here when I read your dialogs with Rajiv, where you described the causal body, and realized this is seemingly what I’m starting to experience. Naturally, I ask for your feedback and recommendation on what to do from here, other than continue as I am.

I have a very intense desire to go beyond consciousness to the absolute. I feel like I understand what the absolute is, or shall I say, what it is not. Intellectually I know it’s that which is beyond and no description is possible; I feel like sometimes I can associate with that. Am I simply deluding myself?

Always grateful,  

My Response:

You are not deluding yourself at all. It is a feeling, but without an
awake body being aware, it is not felt.  Yes, you can back into it.
Become the subject, and on the way, do Samadhi on consciousness as you are doing.

Yes, it appears you are aware now of the causal body. Becoming stupid is VERY, VERY important.

You are doing fine.  I am glad you have come this far so soon.


More from S:

I will do what you say. When you write me I ponder over it, over and over again until I feel I understand at the deepest level.

The thought has crossed my mind more than once that my OCD has helped me progress quickly on the path. My mind is very obsessive, and I have used that to obsess over self realization. Moreover, my OCD since childhood has to a certain extent not allowed me to enjoy life as others do; so since association with the mind/body has never been too pleasurable for me, it wasn't that hard to give it up.

I'm in meditation pretty much all waking hours. I'm always at it. In
addition to practice, I live a clean life. I'm 100% vegan. Beyond, I eat bland, no sugars, no salt, no spicy foods. Of course no kinds of drugs or alcohol. I do not watch any TV, occasionally part of a movie while sitting with my family. I cut out all reading of news. Only thing I read really is your website (over and over), Robert, and your blog. Lately I haven't had a desire to read much other than your website and blog. Anything and everything I can think of doing to quiet my mind, I do.