RAJIV:
Sir I feel the ways of the consciousness cannot be predicted. Sometimes she invites me to be a part of Her, which is oneness and sometimes I observe Her only as a witness. There is a clear subject (ME) and a clear object (consciousness) like today’s dhyaan.
I am very careful not to put effort in bringing about this oneness. A thought does come but i am very watchful. Any such exercise of will would be "concentration" and not awareness of the Void. So any effort TO "BE" is actually NOT to "BE". It is still a kind of seeking, wanting to repeat an earlier experience.
EDJI Comment:
Don’t be afraid of making effort. A lot of homework is necessary before training becomes effortless. This is the fault of many teachers, requiring no effort. No homework, no effort, means no deepening. Instead they tell students they don’t exist and any effort creates a dichotomy that creates a barrier to becoming one with consciousness. Perhaps this will work if you are constantly in the presence of a self-realized being, but not if you are alone.
RAJIV:
The I-AM is the Samadhi state, the pure oneness state. It is in this beingness state that one is introduced to the blissful consciousness. This is the natural joyous state of one being empty of all identification except that of consciousness itself. I am the blissful consciousness.
"I am not Rajiv, not a son, not a father, not a disciple, not a dealer, not a yogi or a jnani, etc.” I am what i was before all this identification took place.
I bow at your feet again and again,
RAJIV:
Edji i feel the Master’s Grace all the time now. Yes Sir the Oneness remains most of the time now.
During waking stage:
Oneness remains like before. Heavy intoxication remains with 3D effects of objects most of the days. The objects seem closer to me than usual. Thoughts/emotions are unreal now. I find it "hard" to identify with them but i am learning to "act" in front of others just to remain "normal." It is like thoughts/emotions come, i watch and then i decide how to react. All happens quickly but automatically. The consciousness takes care of all that.
I am not practicing watching or being aware consciously, its just happening on its own Sir.
Nothing disturbs the intoxication or blissful awareness, i am watching a new movie show each day. :-)
I really wonder many times what the hell most people are doing, wasting their life over petty issues. They are missing the real fun. This is one thought i can say i usually identify with hahaha...
During Dhyaan:
I sit crossed legged but do nothing. I simply look at the void. An hour and half pass like a minute. The void sticks to my forehead seems closer than usual.
I am beginning to be aware of two states during my dhyaan. One is waking state where i witness the void in front of me and also if any thought intrudes (this is automatic, no effort). In between suddenly i realize images coming from no where, few absurd and meaningless images and thoughts come to fore. I am in dream state. This is the calm dream state. I see it and as i watch it i am back to waking state.
So i now shuffling between dream and wakeful, wakeful and dream states.
Since i observe these states i am obviously not the void, not the wakeful state and not the dream state. So now i try and see what exactly am i? Only the void ahead of me can try and figure out the real "ME,” the witness.
But it is like a void ahead of me watching the void at the background.
But as i was watching from the void the attention towards the "ME" is felt at the heart center. The real ME may not exist as an object but is felt as another Void at the heart center. This is where usually the void melts into, meaning i get a sinking feeling like the void ahead sinks within the background void "ME" at the heart. Is it so Edji?
EDJI: This is all illusion. Don’t get lost in all this. Pay it little heed. Although this is fun, the understanding is only of appearances, not the unchanging real. Not of YOU.
In the end there is only one Void, but it has many aspects. Pay careful attention to the appearance and quality of each void, and whether any “feel” like the subject, the witness.
RAVIV:
In both the above there is only a void emptiness which is merging with another void emptiness. But WAIT, then i realized the background void cant be ME as i can witness the merging of the two voids. So where am i then?? Am i the one who is witnessing all this merging too??? IS IT SO?
EDJI:
Of course! Right now you are realizing this as an understanding, a concept. But a point will come when all states are seen as unreal and apart from you, and you are that witness—the subject.
RAJIV:
So is it that the void ahead and the void at the background which i considered ME is just ONE void and the real ME actually cannot be known or experienced or even pointed out. In that sense i dont exist. Is it so Master?
EDJI:
Yes and no. You are paying too much attention to conceptual understanding.
On one hand, I will say yes, it is so, and provide pointers toward the final understanding in terms of another conceptual context, which are a separate set of pointers:
The Void exists in mental space and contains all of consciousness, but is not you. This is a property of the subtle body.
Deeper is the causal body, which is a deeper Void; no experience here is possible. Only total not knowing.
You are beyond all that as the subject.
Your only knowledge of your deepest existence comes from awareness of that which is not you; i.e., consciousness, Void, the body and the world. You can only BE that deepest self.
But you have to pass through the causal body yet, and give up all
knowledge and knowing.
All that you are experiencing is unreal. It is mind and the play of consciousness. In the real Void, all this disappears. Your mind is playing tricks on you creating all these insubstantial entities and experiences. They are universal experiences, universal forms, yet they are only appearances.
Don't interpret yet about voids and all that; just witness the unfolding of consciousness. You need to get beyond trying to understand the unfolding of consciousness.
When all is said and done, when you complete your training, you are always aware of yourself as the subject, while the world is your emanation. You are aware of yourself as the subject, only because you are still experiencing the world and body. When the body goes, the Witness will have nothing to witness, and the Witness with appear to be no more.
The greatest mystery is that you are not consciousness and the world, but in another sense it is you, it emanates from you. These are two different understandings that are only apparent contradictions. These sentences are both true as appearances, but at different levels.
RAJIV:
"The void exists in mental space and contains all of consciousness, but is not you. This is a property of the subtle body"
Ok all of consciousness is subtle body and what i am witnessing at the moment are experiences of the subtle body.
"Deeper is the causal body, which is a deeper void; no experience here
is possible. Only total not knowing."
This is beyond the subtle body and so beyond consciousness itself. So knowing and experiencing is not possible here. But Sir if i do not experience anything how will i know at all this is causal body? Is this similar to a deep sleep state where i can not recollect any experience?
"Your only knowledge of your deepest existence is awareness
of that which is not you; i.e., consciousness, Void, the body and
the world. You can only be that deepest state"
WOW, I am even beyond causal stage. Edji this looks like a long, long journey to me. Lot of learning and understanding is yet to come.
I know i stand apart from consciousness so i am not that, but to truly "know" the real subject, i will have to go beyond the void and even casual state. This looks like a lot need to be done.
"just witness the unfolding of consciousness. You need to get beyond trying to understand the unfolding of consciousness."
Master i do not want to sound like i am trying to seek reaching somewhere through using effort, but i am very keen to further enhance my understandings regarding the causal body and beyond it. Since long i am only at the consciousness level exploring astral or subtle experiences.
Edji who will lead me beyond and how?
Do i continue watching and witnessing the Void like i am doing at the moment? Is there anything more i can try to get beyond? Do i Put in more hours in dhyaan?
Please Sir your guidance is most needed.
I bow,
EDJI:
All that I am telling you is concepts, causal body, subtle, etc.
They correspond to different types of knowing or not knowing which are universal.
Right now you are in knowing oneness, but that is illusion. Still you
have you know it to go beyond it.
Next comes becoming totally stupid--letting go of knowing and
awareness. It often feels like death--and it is death to the I Am
consciousness. But you have to get used to being nothing. Now you are getting acquainted with the nothingness of the Void, but a deeper
nothingness means only darkness and not knowing.
You can feel what it is like--at least for me--by sitting in
Padmasana, and letting your consciousness leave your head and go
downward into your body into the belly. Focus your mind in your belly. Deep sleep is another similar state.
At some point, you should experience a "dropping" of your conscious center to the belly, and just before it drops, it will feel like your brain is becoming hard and dense as a rock and your awareness of luminous consciousness will disappear. You will pass through a state like sleep where there is nothing at all. There is no you there. No consciousness, no experience.
After your mind drops into your belly, you will instantly become one with everything. All the world will be no different from you. There will be no division between your body and the world. The body disappears and you are the world in total Samadhi. This is your “glimpse” state carried to the ultimate end.
That brief period when the mind is dropping, is the state of forgetfulness that you will need to repeatedly experience. The apparent you passes through it, from one state of knowing consciousness, to knowing nothing, and they perfect Samadhi with everything. You know it as a memory of passage.
This stage is very important. It must be lived in everyday life too: knowing nothing, not having an opinion or idea. It is one way the world you dwell in is destroyed and transcended.
You are having great fun now in consciousness and I don't want to stop it. Just know it is imaginational, not real. Neither is forgetfulness. No state or body is real. It is a function of you, but no more real than a dream.
By the way, anything said about dropping the center of consciousness to the belly, is also true about that center dropping to the heart. It is just that the Zen way I practiced emphasized the belly rather than the heart.
RAJIV:
WOW! You have revealed to me the greatest secret of what means "self-realization" or actual Liberation. Most know that it is unknowing state but you have even revealed How. I am speechless with awe Sir.
One will switch from knowing (consciousness) to unknowing (thru the navel) and vice versa through repeated such learnings and experiences. And then know we are beyond such knowing and unknowing too. TOO HARD TO GRASP YET.
EDJI comment:
Actually, knowing the causal body will happen on its own as the mental experiences are seen through. The belly technique just gives you a method to understand nothingness better and more quickly. It is not essential.
RAJIV:
I intellectually know this now yet i will want to reach this on my own.
You are 100% right Master that i am having lot of fun with Consciousness and still identify with Her. I shall continue to remain in that I-AMness. I shall Hold her tight to me as Maharaj says in Gita and let Her alone lead me there whenever the time comes.
I shall write as i get something new to tell.
I am most fortunate and blessed to know you Sir.
RAJIV:
So a Sadhaka now watches the arising and fall of all these 3 states in himself. And thus knows now that He is beyond them. Is this correct conception??
EDJI:
YOU are not a thing, but something is there. It is the subject, but it
does not exist like the universe exists.
The concepts of existence and non-existence apply to the visible, the observable. But YOU, the observer, the subject, are beyond all
qualities like existence and non-existence.
Don't try to figure this one out. You will understand when the time is ready.
RAJIV:
All this learning from you Sir is difficult to comprehend for me even intellectually. I am awestruck with the knowledge you have imparted to me today.
There is so little that i know. So little that those who write books on this subject know. Most Gurus are only talking in terms of concepts and only on the surface whereas what you are pointing is beyond everything one can even possibly imagine.
I used to wonder why you have not made your presence felt across the Globe with so much. But i now realize that this world itself is too small for you. You must reveal to the world all this. Sir for those few maybe, or else they will only wander here and there like i used to.
EDJI:
Yes, these teachings are rare. They are directed towards yogis who have practiced meditation, or Zen students. Most who read this will have no comprehension at all. Nisargadatta learned all this from his teacher and tradition, but spends little time exploring these experiences and issues in his talks. But he must have thoroughly explored all this during the three years after initiation by his teacher. In fact, it is difficult to understand Prior to Consciousness and some of his other books unless you know these pointers.
But Nisargadatta’s teacher wrote on all this, as did Nisargadatta’s Dharma Brother, Ranjit. I think Maharaj knew it was better to bypass all this instruction, as essentially, in the end, it is found to be unreal and conceptual. These concepts are pointers from a different time, but they fit you and other yogis who are well aware of the vagaries of consciousness.
In the end, after all is said and done, you can only be yourself. In Zen this was called returning to the marketplace.
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