I received today a disappointing communication from a long time swami friend. He said that what I am teaching should be done secretly as in his tradition of Kashmir shamanism and swami Muktananda. Otherwise, I would have to label myself as a teacher of tantra, otherwise my teachings would cause great confusion and danger to me and my students.
In other words, if I miss-label the category of teacher I fall into, my teachings will not be grasped, because apparently students follow teachers depending on their teaching label attached, or offer criticisms or salutations based on the consistency whatever I am offering with teachings compared to some wisdom teachers such as Nisargadatta, or some tantra teachers such as swami Etceternanda.
But the teachings I am offering now are purely my own, based on my own experience, based on 50 years of various spiritual practices, and also 30 years of having functioned in the capacity as a psychotherapist under other psychologists’ licenses. A great deal of my teachings are based on understanding emotions, emotional bondings and relationships.
In 1995 under my teacher Robert Adams, I realized the nature of the totality of consciousness and that I resided outside totality consciousness, and thus could be called the Absolute, the Witness, or the Unborn. For 15 years after that I just watched what was going on around me and within me, impassively, fascinated by the void which was the container of all experience.
Then in 2009 I met a woman who loved me deeply and I loved her. She brought me out of the Void, and allowed me to reincarnate, to re--own my incarnation as a human being, with the body, with an energy body, with the subtle body, with a sense of presence, with emotions, and where everything was always changing within and without. There is no solidity anymore. Words really were only caricatures for processes that the meanings did not capture at all. All teachings were false because there was a truth more subtle than the mind can grasp, and the meaning of words could convey.
What I learned in relationship with this woman, who I loved with an intensity that could be called desperation, who I surrendered my life to, and worshiped, and allowed me to love her and be loved by her with an intensity neither of us had known before. That love was so great, it could no longer be called human love, can only be called divine. In loving in that divine fashion, it became so complete that I identified with love itself. Weeks after I identified with love itself, within my sense of me, as an aspect of God which I call after Nisargadatta, the Love Force, revealed itself to me in an explosion of light, energy, and infinite power, that made me fall to my knees in utter humility of the power of God, feeling his greatness, his power, and his life. Later I was to reidentify that and recognize that life force within me as the true me, I was the Life Force, I was life itself which inhabited and played through my physical body.
Now my relationship with this woman was extremely intense, as she was an extremely intense person. We lived thousands of miles apart and we met maybe three or four times physically, and we never had sex. But we both felt extreme sexual desire, between both of us, for an extended period, and the power of this intense sexual feeling energized every other aspect of felt awareness of being alive. But even more importantly we really owned the rest of our incarnation including our bodies with all of its health and physical issues, the tactile sensations within the body, the energy body that lives within the body and around the body which I call my sense of Presence.
The world within is entirely different from the external world. The world within consists of the Void, or an empty container that is experience as space, which contains all experiences from thoughts, to emotions, to sexual feelings, to physical pain, as well as energies throughout the body and various complexes which some people call Chakras. I do not use that term as it is too narrow and conveys a certain yogic philosophy with the meanings associated that way. I can only describe them so as not to mix characterize them as” energy complexes” of a kind in of felt experience of inner flowing and static energies, that sometimes flow, some signs are static, and sometimes be so intense that they feel like your body is going to explode. These energies are known by various terms like prana, Chi, kundalini, Shakti, and probably 100 different terms depending upon the ancient tradition you are referring to.
But when these energies awaken inside of you, spontaneously, due to your extraordinary love of another person, including vast amounts of sexual energy, as well as feelings of total surrender to your Beloved, so much so that you feel like you are in the presence of God, there is no need for labels like Shakti, kundalini or prana. Losing those labels allows you to feel the energies and a totally free way without preconception as to how they are to be felt or experienced. For example, this woman had an enormous number of continuous orgasms that were not only felt in her genitals, but far more often were felt in other areas or energy complexes in her body, such as associated with pure love and heart openings. Most of the orgasms were heart-oriented, or total systemic, even though sexual images may have happened during the orgasms.
In other words, there are many kinds of orgasms, and the ones associated with physical sex are one class only. But there are classes of orgasms that have nothing to do with physical touch or physical sensation, that originate purely out of love and surrender towards the other, and these orgasms are different, not grounded in the body, but originating within the subtle body and deeper. But even using terms like subtle body, is to describe it in terms of an ancient catechism, and ancient way of viewing human experience under some sort of religious or yogic system, which confines and restrains experience to conceptual system. I have found that these orgasms, often mistakenly associated sexual images and physicality, can be so powerful that they will open up other energy centers throughout the whole subtle body, and associated with other parts of the physical body, like the heart, with a heart opening, and in the middle before head, the third eye, which initiates inner vision of light and colors associated with the energy body within.
However, any time orgasms and sexuality are mentioned, immediately they are branded as falling within one’s own understanding of sex, judged based on their past experience, and increasingly with social norms about sex, as opposed to what the yogi means by orgasms as energies or love that pervades the entire body. When one begins to feel the energies, they begin to transform, becoming both more subtle and powerful at the same time, into a constant feeling of bliss as the whole body is in ecstasy from the dancing energies within. But these energies, the energy body interacts with the feeling body, with emotions, and in a sense, emotions are just another form of energy, and one can watch the interplay between emotions, such as sadness, anger, fear, grief, and loneliness, with bliss, energies coursing throughout the whole body and between organs, as well as ones felt experience of the other, your Beloved.
In other words, if one feels grief or sadness strongly, and allows that feeling to just be there, and you actually accept it and allow it into your heart of hearts, the most vulnerable and sensitive part of your subtle body, you will find that those emotions transform into a river of bliss, a river of very subtle energies that feel like a gentle breeze or sometimes like pure running water, which bring great happiness and make you feel more powerful because the energy of these emotions have been transformed into the field of energies. After a while you begin to identify yourself with the energies which comprise your sense of presence which is always within you and around you, and you no longer identify with your physical body.
But your physical body is your only vehicle really, is the host for all the other bodies within you all the other experiences within you from sexuality, heart openings, to all the centers in the subtle body, your mind, to your emotions, to your inner feelings of physical organs within, and your actual sense of being alive, also called the I Am.
But to realize yourself as life itself, ironically, it means you have to first realize yourself as a body, as a physical body, as a human, with all the feelings, energies, and emotions, and relational needs that being a human being entails. Without knowing yourself as a body, the desires of the body, the physical needs of the body, the relational needs of the human, then you will never know yourself as life as opposed to the insensate body.
That is, you have to completely own yourself as a mortal first. You have to explore your inner world completely, including all the energies within, all the desires within, one’s own sexuality within, and you have to give up your mind and just be broadly and acutely aware of the sensations of being alive, because if you hang onto your mind, you will be living within a myth superimposed on all your experiences as being an incarnated being. You will be living in the conventionality imposed by civilization, culture, and whatever spiritual/religious system you adhere to, and all experiences will be judged, and convicted according to that system. You will have no freedom to experience it as it really is, but you will experience it according to the systems you have incorporated in yourself or been given by her teacher or by your culture. You will have no freedom at all except to live within that system and hide the parts that do not fit in that system.
Thus conventions and cultures destroy people and robs them of their freedom, and the only way you can get to that freedom is by fully feeling and living your life, and for me, I have found in my own experience, that the only escape to being a real, free human being is to give up all concepts, all systems, all cultural constraints, and to love some one person with all your heart, all your mind, all your spirit and surrender to that person, worship that person, and serve that person.
Is this not the way of Christianity? Is it the way to God through loving Jesus because he is an incarnation of God?
But if you take my point of view, that life itself is an aspect of God, and that insofar as we are life within a body, we are incarnated, we are incarnate, we are living within an insensate body as an incarnation of the divine as was Jesus. Thus each man becomes a Jesus and each woman, a Mary. This is the correct understanding. It is not necessary to have sexual relations, but sexuality must be completely awakened, and this requires mind, emotions, love, surrender, and worship as one would with Jesus.
One must love your Beloved with all your power, all your strength, in complete submission and worship. When you can do this, when you can become completely committed, completely focused with all your energies bought into balance and oneness with your Beloved, then you will realize yourself as the Life Force, an incarnation of the divine.
To do this you have to feel totally every aspect of your individuality in relationship to your Beloved, including intense sexuality, intense devotion, intense love, intense humility, and surrender. The sexuality has such power that it awakens the other energy centers within your sense of presence, hastening your awakening to yourself as an aspect of God, as the divine, and recognition of yourself as an incarnation.
Which means you have to have an intense sexual relationship with your Beloved even though it may never be consummated physically. Awakening the sexual center gives all the other complexes within your sense of presence and expanding energy, it breaks up all contractions within, and you become fully alive, fully consumed by love, and by sexual desire that powers it.
But when I talk about the need to awaken the sexuality, to allow yourself to have continuous multiple orgasms in various areas of your body which is really a sense of presence within your body, and not necessarily associated with the vagina or penis, I am in danger of being condemned unless I identify myself as a Tantric teacher.
I am not. I have no tradition. I speak from my experience using words not captured by any system such as tantra, Kashmir Shaivism, Advaita Vedanta, kundalini sutras. I am myself alone, speaking of my own experience in ways I would use as would a psychologist, and in entirely new ways that were burst forth from me out of my relationship with my own Beloved. Ecstatic sex, especially where actual physical relations are not involved, but sex within the subtle bodies of the two people involved, is far more intense than anything your physical body will give you. There may be a lot of imagination of physical contact which sets off orgasms parts of the body other than the genitals, so the mind is engaged in a visioning process which stimulates activities within the energy body. The mind, the internal energies, emotions, and tactile sensations all interplay with each other in an internal dance of transformation of one kind of experience into another on a continuously changing basis.
In addition, there is a dance between the two Beloveds, the energy fields between the two, constantly dance and touch each other over a great distance, and emotions are triggered, and emotions also trigger changes in the energy fields, including sexual sensations.
There is no such thing as higher consciousness or lower consciousness. There are just experiences and interpretations of those experiences, or experiences felt totally without interpretations of what they mean or what category they fall into such as sex or heart, or mind, or energy. I ask you to give up all understanding and go with the words I am giving you, I want to share my energy with you whatever that is. I want to share my sense of being, the life force in me as it speaks to you. It affects the tone of my voice. It affects its cadence. It affects and chooses the words I use in order to effect some reaction in you, whether it be to love me, to listen to me, or to ignore me, or to condemn me. It is all a dance between the incarnations of the divine I call the Life Force after that same term is used by Nisargadatta Maharaj.
So you are not going to grasp my teachings by calling me a tantra teacher or wisdom schoolteacher, or Christian, or yogi, kundalini teacher, I am speaking of my own experience, my own learning, my own journey and how I have passed that so lovingly with several people with our energies constantly into playing each other and all kinds of arrangements, sensations, that can be so easily judged from without by people who still live within conventions, and hold on tightly to their culture, or the religious upbringing weather is Hindu, Christian, or whatever. But they will never know what the experience is really like from our view as incarnations.
And as swami Chetanananda once said to me, “They are angry and judgmental because they do not understand. (meaning they have not had your experience, and they can only understand from their limitations and lack of having known God as you have.)” I find that even other swamis have no idea what I am talking about because they have not had my experiences. Their experiences have been predetermined by the spiritual tradition they have adopted, and the experiences they have had within that tradition. Only one who has been through many traditions and actually cast them all off because he sees their limitations, can directly experience their own multiple subjective bodies. I see the limitations of Japanese and Korean Zen. I see the limitations of Advaita Vedanta as taught by my own teacher Robert Adams, by Ramana Maharshi, and Nisargadatta, who I consider the greatest of all. I see the limitations of kundalini teachers and of Kashmir Shaivism because they systematize and categorize everything and leave no room for freedom of experience or expression.
Thus, I see them all as something to be eventually destroyed. The various molds the various cultures and religious traditions have to be destroyed so the true seeker can find their freedom rather than traveling between one confinement and another, and true divinity through loving another.