I've had some recent experiences that I'd like to share with you. I don't know what any of them mean nor am I sure that I need to know.
For the past couple of weeks I have noticed more of a sense of presence which to me feels more like something True and stable. I have felt an unshakeable peace or courage or strength most of the time, even when I am deeply hurting or sad or jealous or afraid...
Most of the energy I have felt, such as vibrations, burning, tingling, currents going through my muscles, feeling like my head is being swept clean...has been more associated with the gross body.
I have also felt huge movements of energy within what seems to be a sort of an infinite type space, which I only become aware of due to the moving energy. These movements of energy sometime feel like gentle waves moving through this space and at other times I have heard a rumble deep within me followed by what would feel like a gigantic earthquake within this space. These movements of energy seem to happen outside of the body, but it seems to me that the body is required to experience them. So to say, "I am not my body" does not seem altogether true to me. It seems more true to say that "I am more than just my body."
I have also been experiencing a sort of hum in my head off and on, sort of like the sound a tuning fork would make... a vibratory type hum that changes in intensity. The first time I heard it it sounded more like there was a gathering of humming birds in my head. Now it is more subtle when I hear it.
From time to time I have heard the most beautiful music. The first time was last week while I was sitting outside of the dance studio waiting for one of my daughters. I had the windows rolled up on the car and all of a sudden I hear almost angelic sounding music. I rolled down the windows to see where it was coming from. It was not coming from outside, but from within me.
And just today, I was sitting in the kitchen wasting time on face book and I began to feel a surge of energy begin to arise from deep within me. As it arose, the power and strength of it gradually increased until it felt like a volcano had erupted from deep within me. I felt the most amazing bliss, along with a sense of awe and wonder at this power.
My inquiring mind wants to know: What is feeling this energy that seems to be felt outside of my body? What experienced and felt this volcanic eruption of power from within me? I can't make it come back, but I feel the residue of it as a stronger sense of presence so to speak.
I felt awe and wonder at this sense of power that I felt rise up within me.
Joan, this latter experience of the inner arising of bliss/energy and love that comes as an inner explosion, an inner volcano, is that of the Self revealing itself to you as a human personality. You have "seen" the Self-of-All as a separate entity, an awesome "other," which at this point still seems separate from you as you still identify with Joan as opposed to Turiya, a gate to which has been opened to you.
But congratulations!! This is a very important step towards knowing who you are.
You have glimpsed the Ox, so to speak, using the Zen analogy.
You have begun to disidentify with your primary identity of being the body, and are now identifying more with subtle body phenomena, such as sounds, the nadi, energies as manifestations of impersonal shakti, and other subtle body phenomena. You are going beyond the human world towards the universal and transpersonal.
Gradually you will integrate all of these energies and experiences within yourself and continue to grow into a new personality, one free of fear because you will know yourself as the Self of All, and the owner of everything as a constant presence.