06 March 2012

The Majesty of Self!

Even after one first and even continuously known the self for a long while, it is easy to forget who you really are when you are too concerned with the world.

I remember when our Sangha started its latest dissolution phase on January 2, I felt upset and confused the first day and possibly even the second. But then, the pull came from within to go deep inside once again, and for three days I felt near continuous ecstasy and bliss, but still really on the surface, permeating my body and my sense of presence.

As the loses continued, and I dropped Satsang too because so few were coming, there was a sense of aloneness and even sadness.  I no longer had as many emails to respond to, nor had I a need to prepare for Saturday evening Satsangs.  Instead, I just performed a backlog of medical reports and sort of enjoyed a vacation from doing.

Then this morning, ‘It’ came back, the I-sense came back in a very powerful way, which had been lost in involvement in the world, Satsangs and relationships, as well as a lostness in my inner states as a reaction to these external events. It is not as if I lost the sense of I-ness completely, but it was never at the center of my sense of being. I witnessed my I-sense, but it was distant and not me.  Pleasurable, but not me.

But this morning I felt it as a strong pull to go within, to immerse myself into the deepest part of myself, deep, deep below the level of surface consciousness.  I felt pulled down inside and it was impossible to resist the call of Self, of the sense of me, which is really the state of Turya shining through the ignorance, the darkness and Void of the Causal Body, through the intellect, mind and sense perceptions of the subtle body, and of course, entirely separate from this physical body of Ed.

It was as if I had been lost in a fog of appearance, and the “real me” of the ‘I Am’ emerged out of the fog, much like the brilliant beam from a lighthouse is suddenly observed from a few hundred yards away when there is a brief break in the fog.

Yes, I am THAT I AM!

The feeling is really indescribable in words.

I felt a great happiness and joy, but not on the surface.  It was a joy buried deep within myself, deeper than the mind, deeper than the darkness of deep sleep, or the sleepiness of the dream state.  Yes, the real me was shining through all those more superficial layers of consciousness, as a deep light inside, with a sense of fullness, completeness and joy.

The surface flowings of emotions, thoughts and energies meant nothing now.  I was pulled within into a deep silence, and the mind, body and Void were seen as really nothing worth bothering about, only pictures and noise giving the lighted fog the appearance of existence and meaning, but my attention was no longer on the show, but on “me,” so deeply buried within.

Yes, I was still occupied in the world.  I was sitting at a Firestone dealer, getting some repairs done on my car.  I was aware of the passing time, the television blaring with the Jerry Springer show, and people talking all around me, but this was only 10% of my attention.  The rest flowed just to me, my sense of I Am, and that certain knowledge that I am that ‘I Am’, and with it a complete sense of fulfillment as well as a recognition of who I am and that the world really was not that important.  I was entirely beyond the world with just a fingertip of involvement therein.

But the experience itself is indescribable.  It cannot be put into words because words are only about external things, like food, automobiles, or closer to the heart, about ideas, relationships, emotions, etc., which emerge from the causal body and flame out into magical display in the world of the mind, intellect and body, known as the subtle body, but which I call the “imaginal world.”

Once again I knew what Robert experienced when he felt distracted; his main attention was always on his immortal sense of Self, the I Am, and understanding this, one realizes that one is even beyond I Am, a total mystery, standing alone, immaculate, complete.  This understanding cannot be experienced or known by mind in any way.  Mind and intellect cannot touch it or describe this heart of the heart. Therefore one is left just experiencing the majesty of one’s own Self!

From the Ashtavakra Gita:

Yesterday                                                                                       1
I lived bewildered,
In illusion.
But now I am awake, Flawless and serene, Beyond the world.
From my light                                                                                                              
The body and the world arise.
So all things are mine, 0r nothing is.
Now I have given up                                                                                                3
The body and the world,
I have a special gift.
I see the infinite Self.
As a wave,                                                                                                                    
Seething and foaming,
Is only water
So all creation,
Streaming out of the Self, Is only the Self.
Consider a piece of cloth.                                                                                     5
It is only threads!
So all creation,
When you look closely, Is only the Self.
Like the sugar                                                                                                               
In the juice of the sugarcane,
I am the sweetness
In everything I have made.
When the Self is unknown                                                                                    7
The world arises,
Not when it is known.
But you mistake
The rope for the snake.
When you see the rope, The snake vanishes.
My nature is light,                                                                                                       
Nothing but light.
When the world arises I alone am shining.
When the world arises in me,                                                     9
It is just an illusion.
From me the world streams out                                                 10
And in me it dissolves,
As a bracelet melts into gold,
A pot crumbles into clay,
A wave subsides into water.
I adore myself.                                                                                                             
How wonderful I am!
I can never die.
The whole world may perish, From Brahma to a blade of grass, But I am still here.
Indeed how wonderful!                                                                                           12
I adore myself.
For I have taken form But I am still one.
Neither coming or going, Yet I am still everywhere.
How wonderful,                                                                                                          
And how great my powers!
For I am without form, Yet till the end of time I uphold the universe.
Wonderful!                                                                                      14
For nothing is mine,
Yet it is all mine,
Whatever is thought or spoken.
I am not the knower,                                                                                                1
Nor the known,
Nor the knowing.

These three are not real. They only seem to be When I am not known.
For I am flawless.
Two from one!                                                                              16
This is the root of suffering. 0nly perceive
That I am one without two, Pure awareness, pure joy, And all the world is false. There is no other remedy! 

Through ignorance 
I once imagined I was bound.
But I am pure awareness.
I live beyond all distinctions, In unbroken meditation.
Indeed,                                                                                            18
I am neither bound nor free.
An end to illusion!
It is all groundless.
For the whole of creation, Though it rests in me,
Is without foundation.
The body is nothing.                                                                                                
The world is nothing.
When you understand this fully,
How can they be invented? For the Self is pure awareness, Nothing less.
The body is false,                                                                                                       
And so are its fears,
Heaven and hell, freedom and bondage.
It is all invention.
What can they matter to me? I am awareness itself


  1. Welcome home again Ed!

    All is well and unfolding as it should.

    The worlds pull is very strong but
    I Am is waiting, forever waiting for
    your return.

  2. The essence of saintliness is total acceptance of the present moment, harmony with things as they happen. A saint does not want things to be different from what they are; he knows that, considering all factors, they are unavoidable. He is friendly with
    the inevitable and, therefore, does not suffer. Pain he may know, but it does not shatter him. If he can, he does the needful to restore the lost balance – or lets things take their course.

    Nisargadatta Maharaj

  3. I want to make clear that this powerful incandescent and arising of the 'I Am', still occurs within me. What I am includes that radiant 'I Am' but I am actually much larger than that. It arises within me, but I have no features, no characteristics, no words. I am utterly a mystery, unfathomable, silent, stillness.

  4. Oh my God; Ed,' oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God !!!! All I have written to you is here, and I weep at this Love...and you feel like champagne within me....

  5. Beautiful!. Each line a jewel and resonating within. "By devotion, liberation becomes sanctified." Perfect. "From moment to moment, you react to the world in an entirely appropriate way, but only because you love the world as you love yourself." So longing to be in this place all the time. Just hearing or saying the word Parabrahman has always taken me into a beautiful open space. Going to order this book. J.

  6. Yes, thank you for sharing another mind blowing post! Truly inspirational

  7. I appreciate Ed that I can smell Robert from you...But you have different sense and color of your own. I know for sure Robert was not from this world and he always firmly was rooted in true Self...

  8. Just beautiful. I sit here in my Radience as I read "......this heart of the heart. Therefore one is left just experiencing the majesty of one’s own Self!."....... The majesty of one's own Self. Thanks be to that. I Am That I Am. This Is All There Is. This. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.


  9. Today I am lost in the Self! Such happiness! Enraptured in the bliss of Self. Yet, even as I worship the Self I recognize I am entirely beyond my Beloved. When it comes to "Amness," I am that I Am; but when I move beyond knowledge of existence, or the darkness of unknowing, resting only in silence, my nature has no character, no handle, no name.

  10. I love you Edji ♥♥♥. Tears of joy.


  11. ...now the Avadhut shines through your words.

    Noori Ji

  12. Dear Ed,
    Your sincere words encourage me deeply.

  13. Dear Ed,
    Ashtavakra Gita says: "It is all groundless."
    I know this. All I see today is the ash, but still in the form of the cigarette on the edge of the ashtray. Not yet scattered by the wind.
    How can happiness ever arise from this?
    Thank you,
    Jeff J