19 March 2013


I posted last Friday that secrets and holding things in can kill you.  I know people—my own students—who held desperate secrets about things they, or others did, that twisted their entire psyches, and the only escape was to go into silence or Robert’s beyondness.

Robert was almost 100% secret. He revealed almost nothing of his past or present.  Many of us, his students, speculated some notorious past, hiding from the authorities for crimes long before (jokingly of course).  Nicole Adams, his wife, refused to let anyone post or publish his photos and threatened to sue anyone who did so.  The editor of Yoga Journal called me one day, frantic that Nicole had threatened to sue the Journal if he published the photo of Robert that I gave him.  The photo was never published.

This secrecy led to one disaster after another in our own Sangha because no one knew where Robert stood on anything, as he would tell one person one thing, and another person something else entirely.

At other times I have been with people who unburdened themselves of long held secrets about themselves or others that was followed by an almost miraculous improvement in health and mood, going from suppressed rage or depression into an exuberance until the next buried secret began to emerge.  However, once they saw the value of complete openness, everything began to emerge in a floodtide.

On the other hand, sometimes secrecy or little lies are better than fully opening to truthfulness, not in an ideal world, but in the world we live in where we fear losing that which we have by being open.

I conclude that sometimes lies and secrecy are more advisable than openness, as many relationships that you are in cannot tolerate openness, and it would be lost, if, for example, you told your significant other you love someone else.  Not that you would leave the relationship or cheat on that other sexually, but only that someone else has taken a large chunk of your heart and made it his or hers.

However, just maybe, in that hidden relationship you can be completely open, loving and committed.  I don’t know.

I think one has to become very mature and learn when to be open and when not to be open.  There are so many stories that can be told here about married people falling in love with someone outside that marriage and what happens as a result.  In some cases the married partner killed themselves after the discovery of the partner’s love.  Sometimes the marriage was destroyed.  Sometimes the love of a lifetime was abandoned for sake of the family.

I do know that love is ruthless.  It wants what it wants when it wants it.  It wants us to shout out our love to all near and far.  It wants us to leap into our cars or planes and fly to the other.  Every moment of the day and much of the night we think about the other to the detriment of our lives here and now with our job, our spouses or children. What to do, what to do?

Yet that same mad, fanatic love changes us.  Our hearts fill with energy, and currents of ecstatic and often sexual energy course through our bodies daily.  Love becomes a visible current of light and energy coursing between genitals and brain.  We become ecstatic and worshipful.  We only want to be with our lover for only here do we finally at home, rested, loved, and whole.

And this state of intense, focused, insane, all-encompassing love, makes us realize we are love itself.  This love itself so intensely felt is a precursor to self-realization with the explosive recognition of our true nature as Christ or Krishna Consciousness, or ecstatic love and an energy beyond measure that fills us with awe and gratitude, and we only want to worship and serve that Other that has arising in us that feels divine because of its immense power and majesty.

And that power surges through us, fills our small self, the sense of presence of being alive as a human, with aliveness and an ability and desire to worship and serve, not only itself, but all other sentient beings which share this Self-nature of consciousness.  But most of all, we want to worship and serve that external lover who ignited our heart’s fire.

Somehow I feel that this love cannot and should not be stifled, for the telling of its story can set others’ hearts on fire, and everyone can feel the love, power, and peace of being both a vulnerable human and the divine itself, complete in itself, yet loving and caring for all as a shepherd for all sentient beings.


  1. there was a time when I too felt such a heart opening and explosion while having dinner with a beautiful young lady.. the heartcenter started to glow up so intensely that i had to excuse myself and to lay down because it felt as though i couldn't stand it one second longer...

    I feel very sorry for your loss..

    the only thing I can suggest to anyone who has a hurt heart (after experiencing the fullness of love and light) is to not to do what i did: to beat oneself mentally up and pushing one's own love energy away..away from the world and oneself.. judging it to be unnecessary and unreal; but instead to love and like oneself and the world as never before ..

    Who knows, maybe she'll change her mind and you both find a new basis for your relationship - which would be great!

  2. Ed,

    What I have come to see is that it is very rare to meet someone you have chemistry with where the energies flow so easily that can reach incredible heights.

    But what is even so much more rare is to meet someone who is equally committed to the truth of their own being and hence is able to equally commit to another being so no matter what happens they persist to seek the truth and get closer and closer to each other where eventually they know the oneness expressed in a dualistic world. That is the embodiment of oneness through two. A lived emptiness and form.

    The true magic is when both chemistry and utmost commitment to truth are present. Only that can support an ever increasing openness.

    I can hypothesize that a commitment to truth will bring the flow of energies eventually but this is so much more work as it requires energy itself for the stripping away of all blockages in the body to allow the energy to flow.

    But when the energy flows easily it can fuel a commitment to the other. The bottom line is that there has to be only One. In world of objects if one is to realize truth which is One, the reflection of that truth requires one object.

    Nothing can be done without commitment in my view and only when there is utmost commitment true openness can be actualized.