06 February 2012

Feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Seems like I have a new, full-time job as Lakshmi's chef and home health care worker.

In addition to my usual duties of trudging to work each day on website, blog and Facebook, Lakshmi’s care requires a lot of work. 

There were three 50 mile round trip travel to her vet, including going back because they gave me the wrong syringes, but 4 X day feeding, including preparation of her medication cocktails which include an antibiotic, chemotherapy meds (Leukeran), Bumorphine 3 X daily, steroid cocktail, Alpha Interferon, and soon Palladium.   All have to be combined into one syringe and administered through an injection port in her PEG feeding tube.

It is a relatively complex procedure of flushing the tube with water, inserting the meds, administering a gradually increasing amout of food as her stomach stretches, as well as processing the food so it can pass through the tube.

Then I had to get topic antibiotics for the tube wound, gauze, a new cage for her initially to limit her movements and to have easy access to her for feeding, a new bed, etc.

I feel really nervous doing this, because even administering the food is not that easy, as I have to first aspirate her stomach contents to make sure the food is being absorbed, so as to not overfill her stomach.
Adding to this, the psychiatrist I do some work for has doubled the amount of reports he needs done recently. 

Add to this, some of the people I know well recently have been making remarkable progress but also are under a lot of strain, and I feel every inch of their stress.

I have found recently that those close to me are all interconnected.  What A feels, I feel, and so does B, C, etc.  The closer we are the more we feel in terms of the other’s emotional condition, clarity or confusion.  We are all tied together and some of the anxiety I feel is due to others, while some of the love I feel, is also a “preconscious” awareness of their existence.

We “feel” each other, not only when in contact, but always.  All in all, it is “interesting times.”


  1. Good to hear good news Ed, happy to know that the cat and the master are well now !
    I agree with the shared emotions/feelings because it happens to me all the time ! I feel very strong moods and find they are not coming from my own body/mind.
    That's why I avoid to make friends in the world, because it multiplies the sources of interference ...

    That's why, now, I understand the hermits. Far away in the mountains ... to hear the pure sound of the Self, without background noise !
    I don't know if you agree, but becoming an hermit is kind of a dream for me ... but if I become 100% conscious of my freedom, then I shan't care anymore about what or where the body is, right !?

    I was very obsessed 2 days before you tell us about Lakshmi troubles, and for no visible reason I felt like something very hard to support was happening ...

    I am glad you are doing well. Checking the blog daily for any new teaching/story from you. You are a leg to me Ed, how could I walk if you weren't here to support/guide me ?!

    Best wishes to you !

  2. Dear Ed,

    Your vulnerability has reached such heights.
    Extraordinary openness, tenderness, humanness.
    Life weaving through the depths of subtle existence many wouldn't dare enter.
    To your courage and acceptance I bow in deep gratitude.

    Om Guru Om,
    Janet B.

  3. "To your courage and acceptance I bow in deep gratitude."

    I agree with you Janet.