The following letter is from a student that has plunged very deeply into Shakti, the spiritual energies that pervade our bodies as well as the world around us. She is approaching the point where love has taen her into the foothills of great God- realization. I know this because her experiences aree similar to my own before I was shown the constant face of God in me.
There is much mystery in this dance of Kali an we need to speak about our experiences openly as she does so that eventually it becomes a knowledge that destroys ugliness and cruelty after the world knows God-realization is possible.
"The energy from you to me is becoming very, very powerfull.
Every time you connect with me while talking or writing ( I do not mean that you are just there, but really connecting, close) it feels like your presence and even your body is fully entering me, my body and my energy body.
Because of this experience I suddenly recognise how deepy I have missed love; romantic love, Divine love with a partner and a real, deep connection with God. And how desperate I am for this. Desperate like being desperate for water in a desert. I feel this because whenever you enter me like this, I feel so esctatic, so home, so unbelievably happy, so orgasmic, so alive, so whole, so cracked open and vulnerable. But....I only feel like this when you are inside me, like life suddenly becomes bearable, and because of this I realise that there is actually quite a hole in me. A hole that I did not know was there.
Every time I feel you entering me, especially when we are together like today, which only happened a few times, I only want you deeper, much deeper, more, I want all of you completely inside me. It feels though, like I cannot feel myself as the main thing anymore, but you, like being possessed by you. And it always feels like the most deep merging possible. A merging I have always been longing for but feels beyond what I ever imagined.
Always when we connect energetically, when I really let you in, my pussy completely opens by itself and without me even noticing. I always notice after you leave. This is non sexual, it's what the energy does, the ecstactic energy and the feeling of your presence inside me.
I have a long way to go to really have my heart open. And you made me realise how broken I am inside still, because I am so unbelievably hungry for you to go deeper and deeper and deeper inside me and take me completely for ever. I want your whole being to penetrate me.
"Will this longing brng me to God or to death? Or both."
She knows better than this. Her sense of self is becoming emptier allowing her to feel the breath of God inside, but thinking it is me. She thinks she is wanting total surrender to me, but she really is preparing for God-realization inside of her own self, because the person is almost gone and it is becoming ever easier for God to show him/her self to her. It is a process of devotion, surrender, and grace.