15 June 2019


I SEE YOU, DO YOU SEE ME? Robert used to say to me, "I have no idea why it is taking you so long (to reach enlightenment), except that you are too smart. You are always thinking, thinking, thinking, and you can't escape, it has become your nature." Now, 26 years later, I don't think at all. Sure thinking is going on much of the time, and although it is happening in my mind, I pay no attention. It is not a distraction to me. It is just words and doesn't really touch me at all--ever. It is as if words and concepts have been entirely washed out of my system. It used to be that thoughts could not enter my mind at all, like my brain was like a rock. But now thinking is there but I pay no attention. And this is what I see about spirituality. Almost everything I read or see or hear about spirituality is about a teacher's concepts and what he or she holds as being important. I hear the words awakening, enlightenment, true self, ultimate witness, quiet mind, still mind, natural self, beingness, Shakti, Chi, healing the true self, inner self versus outer self, and these words do not touch me. I know they are bull shit words that the people who speak them find meaning, but if you asked them what they mean by awakening or enlightenment or true self experientially, they cannot explain except by the use of even more abstract terms. They speak theoretically without first hand experience. They are far away from experience. They are pining for enlightenment and they know not what it means. They are pining for awakening they know not what it means except to give an analogy that it's similar to waking up from a dream, but this analogy doesn't help me at all to understand what awakening is. I have given up on all spirituality. I have given up on all science. I have given up on all literature. They're all useless symbols that have no effect on me whatsoever except to want to avoid them as contamination, pollution. To me these words are like listening to Trump all day. It is an utter waste of time. People are just talking philosophy like we would talk about what to have for dinner, which is far more real and immediate experientially. They would talk about spiritual things as if they really exist, but they don't. Awareness enlightenment are not things, not nouns. I have no idea what they mean, because the whole concept of meaning to me is empty. I cannot find meaning anywhere. What I find everywhere is my body, my energies, the life force inside of me, Shakti speaking to me as the voice of God, and the world, the real world, not the false world of ideas concepts and society. Of course what I just said probably sounds like spiritual babble to you too, but to me they are words that are experiential to me. I feel God inside of me in a way that I can describe. I feel the life force in me in a way I can describe. The energies I can also describe, but I cannot describe what a world without deescription looks or feels like. The real world, without interpretation or meaning, is very straightforward and simple. It is the world we wake up to during the morning before thoughts. Expand that to the entire day, seeing clearly world without desire or words, and you will find that the focus of attention, the center of gravity of attention, falls from the mind and head, to being inside of the body, especially the heart. From this place the mind is not. Just a babble, a radio station with a lot of different commentaries about things you have no interest in hearfrom two rooms away. All that I can do to show people where I am, which is where they are not, is to touch them with my voice, my hands, with my Shakti, with my emptiness, and love. These things may be able to take people to the place where I am of no words, no concepts, of no spirituality, no understanding, no meaning, just a life of unending change, wonder, and love. It is only my presence that can convey this because I know words alone are futile, except when the words are spoken with a great deal of Shakti behind, and Shakti changes the person There is not one teacher alive today that I agree with. To me they are all lost in mental concepts whether it is of Kashmir shamanism, Advaita Vedanta, Chi gong, or reflexology. Listen to them closely. Do you feel a person talking to you from heart-to-heart? Or are they only giving you words, concepts, and Shakti? The real guru will speak to you face-to-face and in their eyes you will see love and acceptance, but only if you are ready. If they see you are not ready to accept it, at that moment they cannot give it, they will look right through you because they will see your not ready to meet.

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