Many people wonder why they cannot go deep within
themselves. They talk about going deep
by following the eye, or asking I am, or saying I-I to oneself over and over
again, and they feel they are going deep until something happens. The energy leads. The I disappears. They lose focus or become distracted.
The surprising thing is that beginners filled with
enthusiasm, filled with energy, and filled with the promise of prompt
enlightenment, can go very deep. They
have just started spirituality, they have just started spiritual practices and
spiritual methods. They have no
experience with them or how fast they should go, and they can often go very
deep, deeper than they will be able to go again for years because they are haunted
by their own mind’s inability to stay focused, and return of desires to
accomplish things in the world, or to know about the world.
The latter are called “Vasanas.” These are the ingrained habits of the mind
and body, strongly held beliefs and concepts concerning the world or one’s own
self, strong desires to complete some task in the world. These ultimately betray our ability to go
deep. As long as you focus on the world,
or concepts about the world, you cannot get to the ultimate simplicity of
complete emptiness. Without complete
emptiness you cannot go very deep into yourself. That emptiness has to permeate all layers of
yourself and allows access without blockage to awareness of yourself.
There is no way around these Vasanas, other than to continue
practice in an energetic and persistent way, focusing on the I-sense, the I-am,
looking for the origin of the I-thought, etc.
Just looking within is also good enough.
Turning your attention an inward vision torture heart, and then feeling
the I am within your heart, feeling your sense of existence and of being, is
enough.
The world will always be trying to drag you out and to have
you participate, just like Don Corleone lamented when he said, “I keep trying
to get out, but they keep pulling me back in.”
The world in your attachment to the world, your desires, your fears,
your concepts and your teachings, draw you away from having no mind and the
emptiness. In spirituality you have to
become completely stupid, completely naïve, completely empty, not filled with
knowledge, understanding, and especially not filled with truth, because truths
of the world, and truths of spirituality will never let you free. Only becoming like a child, an infant, knowing
nothing, can help you win that state of purity required in order to see
emptiness and nothingness.
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