18 October 2009

Hello Edji, My name is Rajiv K and i reside in mumbai,India. > I visited your blog and felt i write to you a few things.I write to one who > not only is a disciple of the great Robert Adams but also to the one who > himself is aware of "what is",probably the truth as it is.

I know its > impossible to correctly describe that state in words and there is no way > you,i or anyone can yet i feel inclined to communicate,share and learn from > you what you feel as regards the marvelous thing we call "consciousness" or > "truth" or watever names we can call it by... > > The past: > 

My "journey" began 13 yrs ago when i was first initiated in kriya through > YSS/SRF in mumbai.I had a very scary OBE expereince then and each time i > would sit i would be pulled in a dark tunnel speeding in high intensity.That > time i was just practicing a techinque called Hong-sau.Anyways YSS asked me > to discontinue the use of hong-sau and i felt that time they were least > bothered about anything except "surrender" to the Guru.Dissatisfied with the > response i seeked looking for a personal Guru who could help me with my > expereinces and satisfy all my deep spiritual longings. > 

After much seeking and looking and initiated a few more times with other > gurus i finally found the Guru my heart approved of.He was a traditional > Guru and very jovial person at the same time.He got me initiated in higher > kriyas including kechari mudra which supposedly is of immense importance to > expereince higher levels of consciousness.I personally dont feel any of my > expereinces would have been much different without kechari,but this is my > personal feeling.

During my practices in kriya i had various "expereinces" > like OBE,Lucid dreams,heightened awareness,even kevali kumbhak (stoppage of > breath automatically for a few seconds which gave immense joy all over each > cell of my body) etc etc...But somehow i always felt all this is very > delusionary as i set out to "achieve" more and more of this joy and > bliss,more and more of these expereinces like OBEs.I felt inwardly i was > seeking too much and my heart and mind was still not in rest except a few > occasions > when i expereinced a thoughtless state...rest of the time i was busy > seeking,making whole loads of images of Guru kripas and dreams of Gurus and > Babaji.

I felt inwardly i was getting deeper and deeper into a bundle of > various conditionnings and beliefs imposed by other chelas who beleived the > same.I felt there is something hugely amiss here either in my practice or in > my understanding....All i was awaiting for was to accumulate many > expereinces not realsiing that maybe the mind itself was creating them for > me... > > The in-between: > 

On realizing that probably the biggest barrier are my own beliefs and > conditioning's i just couldnt keep going with my kriyas.The very > technique,the very teachings i felt were becoming a sort of barrier to > expereincing truth as it is for the mind was beginning to reach "somewhere" > rather than just "being".I then decided that i shall observe ,simply observe > what is going on within and outside of me.I realised that the bliss,peace > and thoughtless state returned even without kriya.

The mere "observation" > resulted in this.And so i can carry on like this even in waking stage and > not only during kriya.All concepts like God,blessings,liberation,beliefs > dropped on carefull observation. > > The "Present" > I carry on trying to witness every thoughts,emotions than arise in my > mind.I realize that my awareness is growing as i start giving utmost > attention to everything happenning within and outside of me.There are > glimpses of joy and utmost bliss which prevails around me.

During that time > my state is like a man drunk but with extreme and heightened attention.I > feel drunk with immense awareness.There is nothing i like to achieve,gain or > be.I am just "it" .This is perhaps just "being".I observe everything so > clearly ,so bright ,the colors around me are much brighter than usual and > sparkle and dance around me.During that "glimpse" (as i call it) the > thoughts seem rare, and even if they arise i observe them clearly as they > come and go.

There is nothing to achieve,be or go anywhere.Everything around > looks so magical and pure like i am observing something new for the very > first time.There is no need of Guru or any God during that state.Everything > melts. > > The question > 

Edji i call the above a glimpse becoz it is not in continuity,it lasts for > perhaps 2 to 3 hours a day mostly during the evening time.I cant say i can > create the glimpse for it happens on its own...And disappears on its > own.Perhaps in the evening i dont have to worry much about my work or maybe > there is some other reason.The "glimpse" has happened to me also during the > office hours but its rare...Sometimes i feel the desire to be in that > glimpse forever too could be an obstacle to be it,maybe.Pls write back your > observations and suggestions.I really need some guidance on this.I have > written down best i could in words. > > Many regards and Pranams, > R

What you are experiencing is due to the intensity of your practice. The barrier-creating chattering mind has stopped, and you have pure perception. If you could dwell in this state all the time, that is one form of samadhi. But that "first time" world is still illusion, experience added onto you.

If you can formalize your meditation and sit in Padmaasana for about 45 minutes in the morning, you should be able to generate it at will as well as pure oneness states. Most probably this will disappear over time. It is the final state for some types of yogis, such as Krishnamurti, etc. Why don't you go with it and see where it takes you?  

This is not classic advaita though. In Advaita you focus attention not on everything, but attempt to concentrate on the subject, the sense of I. Advaita unfortunately is heavy with cognitive elements. Don't do that as yet though. Continue to go as you are doing but add at least one 45 minute session sitting facing a wall with eyes closed or half open. Sit as solidly as possible. Tell me what happens.  


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