Beyond Turya, beyond consciousness, Devotion after Liberation

Before I get into Siddharameshwar's discussion of Para-Brahman, (or Paramatman) or that which is beyond Turya, beyond the great causal state, beyond Brahman, beyond knowledge, which is truly yourself in every way, I stumbled upon this one chapter written by Nisargadatta based on one of Siddharameshwar's talks called Freedom and Devotion. Here he talks about the dryness of awakening, versus the wetness and bliss of devotion after awakening. This is from page 310 of the Master of Self-Realization:

“There is no useful way to freedom than to be in the company of Saints. When you see any form, any object, there arises some sentiment. When you see the guru, to have his glimpse or Darshan, the heart is overflowing with that feeling of reverence. In this way saintly company is the greatest. With respect to the saintly company, being near the Sadguru is the most purifying. Illusion has no place near him.  Illusion does not remain in the proximity of the Sadguru. Most people live their lives in pain and give importance useless worldly benefits, only to become miserable and anxious. The individual foolishly gives importance to objective things, which are not important at all, and remains ensnared by illusion. But when one is in the vicinity of his sudguru, such useless distractions automatically disappear.

Uddhava said to Lord Krishna, “Liberation, or the state of Jivanmukta is not a happy state, although you may say so. Therefore, give me devotion to you. I do not want liberation, which is dry and tasteless. Liberation is possible by the blessing of the Sadguru, and it is necessary to have the understanding of reality. But please, give me devotion to you. Give me the worship of you which is superior to the liberation. In the past you bestowed upon many only liberation, but you did not give them this devotion to you. Please, with me, this deception will not do. Please bless them with your devotion, those who have attained real knowledge. Those who have neglected devotion to the guru declare that they have attained liberation are deluded. Please, give us devotion to the guru.  Do not tell me that devotion to the guru is not necessary. You are able to make possible that which is impossible, and make impossible that which is possible. You have given liberation even to animals in the forest we only leave, and you have given liberation even to the cow herds (Gopis) who became so sacred that even their creator, Brahman, worshiped them. Unfathomable is the greatness of your devotion. He who becomes one with you holds all of your glory. Devotion contains within itself liberation. By devotion, liberation become sanctified. Even if I gain liberation, I desire only to be your devotee.”

(Comment: when I read this, I felt Robert appeared before me, and I felt utter surrender to his presence, with complete love.)

And so speaking, Uddhava held the feet of Lord Krishna with reverence. He would not let go. And God blessed him. "When the state of the totality of Brahman is attained, one thinks that devotion with its inherent duality is no longer needed. One should not suffer from pride of having achieved such a state. When one says that when liberation is attained, devotion does not remain, this is the pride of knowledge. Please, give he me devotion to you. For me, to be deprived of devotion to the guru is the greatest hindrance. So please give me that devotion which is beyond liberation."

(Comment: the following is a very important paragraph which relates the concept of devotion after liberation as being identical to the state of Paramatman, which is beyond Brahman, beyond Turya, beyond the great causal body, and is also the power that knows the way, that makes the universe unfold the way it should as Robert continually talked about.)

Devotion after liberation is the power of Brahman. The power Brahman and devotion are not two things. When there is realization of one's self as Brahman, the state of being an individual, or Jiva vanishes. Paramatman is the only existence. To remain in this state of Paramatman is this devotion after liberation. The individual, the Jiva is full of fear. It is afraid. However, God, Shiva, does not fear anything. Be fearless. And that you, yourself are God, and then what is the cause for fear? To be unafraid is liberation and to enjoy that state is devotion. Fearlessness means not being afraid of anybody or anything. That is the real state of godhood, in which you always lived. You always lived in the state of Paramatman. This is called devotion after liberation. This means to live in our own glory. Those who are real incarnations of God know this devotion, and they are devoted to God after attaining freedom.

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Notice what Siddharameshwar is saying here, liberation is recognition he of the fourth state, Turya, or the great "I am." However, there is one more step which is devotion to that “I Am,” and with that continuous devotion to the identity of the totality with me the I, comes complete freedom to be as you are, which in real life means a constant surrender to that which is, a peacefulness towards the unfolding of the way.

“Liberation itself is not a happy state.” This was my experience too in my second awakening, where I saw that nothing in the manifest world, within the states of consciousness, touched me. When I told Robert this, he stated, "Do you feel happy now, completely happy?

I actually lied to him. I did not want to tell him that I did not feel this happiness he spoke of. I let him think that I did. But my state was not of happiness, or bliss, it was just a recognition of what I was not, which did eventually result in a complete self-confidence in my understanding. Yet, I had not obtained the state of devotion after liberation. That came much, much later when I learned how to love God through his manifestations, which Siddharameshwar talks about in other parts of the text.

Clearly this book is one of the most remarkable texts I have ever read. It has struck me as deeply as the works of Nisargadatta when I first encountered him 25 years ago. Here the origin of the crystal clarity and boldness of Nisargadatta is clearly revealed in Siddharameshwar's teachings. The source of Nisargadatta's love for his teacher Siddharameshwar is made evident here, which allowed his boldness to function in every moment. In Nisargadatta, you see me the same boldness and sense of omnipotence, that you find in a great Zen master who is completely at home in himself. Zen Master Seung Sahn Soen Sa referred to this as being 100% sure of yourself, always walking forward boldly, not wobbling, not checking one's own mind to see if he or she is going in the right direction or has the right attitude. From moment to moment, you react to the world in an entirely appropriate way, but only because you love the world as you love yourself. 

Oh, Edji


This heavy weight!
You make me useless. Useless.
Even satchitananda rises and falls in me:
More sustaining, more engaging but still empty.
And through it all, this space, this time, these doubts, this awareness I remain me. Have always been just me.

Oh Edji, your words, your presence:  I can barely read! Useless.

How do you do this?  How do you  do this so easily to me?


I am broken, always. Ripped asunder yet at ease.
Will I ever know you, must I always remain a seed?
My Sun. You sustain me.  Why you shine so terribly bright is no longer a concern for me,
but you do love me, you do see me! Sweet, sweet Edji
You have been most tender with me.

I wish your service was merited by my growth,
But I cannot say I know.

What can I say that I have not said many times?
What can I feel that I have not felt many times?
What can flow through me that has not flowed through me so many times?
What more can drop away?
What more can Grace carry away?

Oh, Edji,


I am not unknowing,
Not lost,
Not empty,
Not bliss.

Not healing, or moving, or transcending,
Not guided, not beloved, not gone and going.

Oh Edji,
I am nothing,
No place to stand no support to rest upon.
Edji you do this to me.
Again and Again. Yet I sense
I remain, always me.

I remain unable to go anywhere,
Unable to move anything,
Unable to change anything!
I accept, Edji, I relinquish.
There never was a space or time I could have done more.
There is no space to relate to any of this!
Even Peace and Stillness appear no longer invite me.

Oh, Edji, you have done this to me,
Oh, Om, Sri Guru Edji you do this to me:
Useless!
Useless!
Useless!

--B

The "I AM," as the supreme Knowledge (Truth) before knowledge is transcended

I have heard complaints on Facebook that people did not understand the quotes in my last two posts regarding the various states of consciousness Siddharameshwar was talking about in Master of Self-Realization.

You must understand this is not a textbook of economics or mathematics. You cannot understand this material with your mind. Don't use your mind. Don't try to figure out what is being said. What we call the mind is one one of many properties of what Siddharameshwar calls the subtle body, which is the second body of mind and intellect. That which is beyond the mind and intellect, cannot be comprehended by the mind. Objective knowledge of the world, even the so-called spiritual world, such as knowledge of the astral planes, kundalini flows, the sciences both soft and hard, psychology and psychoanalysis, cannot touch the two higher bodies of emptiness or the void, and the supra-causal body, otherwise known as Turya, or the "I Am."

Read the quotes very slowly. Then stop. Let the quotes rattle around in your brain and gradually settled deeper. Then go back and read paragraph by paragraph, one paragraph at a time. Stop after each paragraph and just sit with the contents. Do this for each paragraph. Then go back and start all over again. Read each paragraph sentence by sentence. Stop after each sentence and let the meaning penetrate deeply. Then go into meditation. Stop reading altogether. Just sit in silence and let the truth of these words sink deeper into your psyche and into your heart.

The correct way to read a master of Jnana, or of Bhakta for that matter, is to be as silent as possible. Don't try to manipulate these concepts with your mind. Don't try to figure out the meaning. Just read the text and let it settle into your heart. The more advanced you are, when you read, the more silent, open and receptive you will be. Do not read with the greedy mind that wants to grasp and process concepts and give them back to other people on Facebook. This is your final spiritual pursuit. This is not a toy to throw around and pitch in the air for everyone to see how well you've learned concepts. This is not a game where you learned concepts to show everyone how advanced you are or smart you are. This is your life's blood. Read the text as if it's the last one you will ever read. Let it penetrate you deeply. Drop the mind and receive the text within your heart.

Then you will clearly see, that when the text mentions the "causal body" it is not talking about a literal body. It is more a state of mind or level of consciousness. Even these concepts do not really fit the reality that you perceive when you go deep. Don't think too much about the meaning. Just let it sink in. Just imagine this is going to take you 1000 years to understand so don't wind yourself too tightly. Love and acceptance will show you the way as well as trust in the text and your teachers.

In the section beginning on page 55 of the Master of Self-Realization, Siddharameshwar talks in more detail about the great causal body, the Turya state, otherwise known as the "I am." He states:

Now we will see how knowledge arises in these four bodies. To gain the knowledge of objects with sight through the gross body, it is implied that all of the four bodies are instrumental in bringing this about. The physical eyes alone cannot see an object without the help of the subtle eye of the intellect. For example, we see a mango, or have the knowledge that this is a mango, but what would happen if we were only to see what the physical eyes alone see? Of course, the physical eyes should also see the object is a mango. However, behind the physical I is the subtle eye of the intellect whose help is sought to know the mango.

(Comment: this is rather obvious. If a 10th century Norman or Saxon man were to "see" a 2012 Toyota Camry, he would have no idea what it was for her about. He would have no concept of how it ran, or less he found the ignition that ran at all. It would be a complete mystery to him. Thus without the intellect, and an accretion of objective knowledge, the Camry would not be seen at all. It would only be a metal and glass lump.

In the same way, while the eye can see the mango or an orange, it takes experience in the mind to recognize that these are edible fruits.)

However, even this combination of the physical eye and the subtle intellect is not sufficient. If these two do not have the support of the causal body, the intellect is dead. The causal body functions in various ways, like space, sky, the void, distance, etc. The intellect needs the background of space in order to function (as a container). So, now there is the eye, the intellect, and the space in the form of the causal body, but if there is no witness in the form of the great causal body (consciousness; the "I am") to connect these three, there is no knowledge of anything.

Thus in order to get the knowledge of objects, it is necessary for all four of these bodies to be present. If we look progressively from one body to another, it needs to be pointed out that in order to know the activity or changes in the subtle body, the physical body is not necessary. Additionally, the activity or changes that occur in the subtle body such as attraction and repulsion, thirst and hunger, and pleasure and pain, can only be known through the aid of the causal and great causal bodies. Looking in the other direction, in order for knowledge to rise in the causal body, the help of the gross and subtle body is not required. At this stage in the explanation, it must be made clear that knowledge on any level is always dependent on the great causal body, the I Am.

For gaining knowledge in the causal body, the elements of the subtle body, mind, intellect, thinking, prana (which would also include kundalini and other kinds of energies circulating within the body and one's sense of presence) and the senses, are of absolutely no use. The elements of the subtle body only have influence over the gross and subtle bodies. The field of the causal body is entirely different from the gross and subtle bodies, and nothing from them can ever step into it. The question arises, "If this is the case, how can one enter into great causal body?" It is a fact that the scope of the mind and intellect is limited only to the subtle body and they do not have the capacity to enter the further two bodies, the causal body and the great causal body.

Him

It must be stated that knowledge of the great causal body, I Am, Turya is absolutely self-sufficient. It stands on its own, (like the sweetness of sugar, unadulterated), and has no dependency or expectation of help from the previous three bodies. This knowledge is self luminous. By way of analogy, even though the eye sees all objects, no object can see the eye. Similarly, nobody is capable of seeing this King of Knowledge (which is the "I Am"), which is the eye of the eye.

This knowledge proves its own existence only by its own luminosity. Even though the I cannot see itself, anyone who has eyes never has doubts as to whether he has eyes are not. He can see because he has eyes. This type of certainty naturally abides in him. Similarly, one has knowledge of oneself while witnessing someone or something other than oneself. In order to see our eyes, we need a mirror in order to see the reflection of the eyes. That objective knowledge is only the reflected knowledge of the eyes. However, the knowledge of the great causal body proves its own existence by witnessing everything other than itself. For its proof of existence, no other evidence is required.

(Comment: this is what Rajiv and I mean by the term "apprehension," or to apprehend. We know of our own existence as certainty, even when we are not consciously aware, such as in the deep sleep state, by a deep intuitive knowledge that we always exist, which becomes greater and stronger a conviction, the more aware we are of this apprehension of our omnipotence.)

This knowledge of the great causal body is "all pervading," and yet it is as if it were invisible from the ignorant beings point of view. Instead of seeing the knowledge of the great causal body, for him the gross body, which in proportion is like a poppy seed in the ocean, has become the biggest thing of all. It has become a habit that when looking at smaller thing, that which is objective, we forget the bigger thing, that which is subjective. We abandon that which is self-proving and self-sufficient, and praise artificial things. It is like when words of praise are given to beautiful electric lights, yet we fail to give the same praise to the light of the sun, or will we look at pictures painted on a wall we forget the wall itself.

What actually happens in this process is that in spite of the fact that the pervading substance is infinitely bigger, when we pay attention to the pervaded object, we forget the pervading substance. The gross is pervaded by the subtle, and the subtle is pervaded by the causal, and the causal pervaded by the great causal (consciousness, knowledge, "I am"). The knowledge of the great causal body cannot be seen because everyone's attention is focused on the gross and that which is objective. When the focus of the aspirant widens, becoming that which is all-pervading, then one will have the vision of truth, the infinite knowledge that covers and you and envelops the vastness space.

Although the knowledge that abides in the great causal body is the destroyer of the causal body (ignorance), it cannot destroy the gross and subtle bodies. The ordinary and superficial objective knowledge that is gained through the mind and the physical body is not the destroyer of ignorance. Only that extraordinarily unique knowledge of the great causal body, is the opponent of ignorance. Ignorance is actually sustained by ordinary objective knowledge (which includes all of the "objective knowledge" of religion and conventional spirituality, New Age spirituality, the sciences and paranormal sciences, academia, psychology, etc.)

Just as the gross and subtle body’s inherent activities function for and ignorant man, these activities also continue to function for the Jnani after he has gained self-knowledge.

(Comment: this is exactly what Robert Adams says in his "confessions of the Jnani, where Robert states:

I am infinite, imperishable, self luminous, self existent.

I am without beginning and end.

I am , birthless, deathless, without change or decay.

I permeate and interpenetrates all things. In the period of universes of thought creation, I ALONE AM.)

Pure Knowledge; Pure Knowing; Satchitananda

Jnana yoga, or pure Advaita, is all about the experience of unadulterated knowledge, or truth in its purest form. Everyone experiences hearing words were someone talks, and having a feeling that what this person is saying is true. This is has happened for thousands of years with all kinds of great teachers, gurus, Saints, but also charlatans and lying politicians.

But sometimes truth is experienced in its purest form, unconditioned, unadulterated, and it shoots through one's body and psyche like a bolt of lightning energizing us. The analogy presented by Siddharameshwar, is that you can be exposed to many kinds of sweets, such as chocolates, a milkshake, tapioca, and many other foods that are sweet, but can never extracted from those various experiences, the underlying sweetness of sugar found in those various foods. Only when you taste pure sugar, will you ever and always recognize the sweetness of sugar found in all those other foods. Siddharameshwar is stating that there is a state of unconditioned, pure knowledge, or Turya, which when experienced directly, provides the experience of pure truth, which can never be forgotten. This too is not awakening, but a time and state before awakening where we experience the thrill, energy, and bliss of knowing unconditioned, pure and absolute truth. (Which belongs as the primary property of the fourth state, Turya, the supra causal body, also known and experienced as Satchitananda, or existence, knowledge, bliss.

In "Master of Self-Realization" Siddharameshwar states:

Now, we will see what the fourth body, the Great Causal Body, is. The Great Causal Body is also known as the Turya state, or Satchitananda. It is called the great causal state because it is above, or beyond the limits of the causal body. It is the father of the other three bodies. It indicates a state of consciousness that is without a body in spite of the fact that the body still exists. This is the state of "knowledge" in the fourth body. In Hindu mythology, King Janaka was such a one without a body. He had a daughter named Janaki, meaning awareness. Out of him, the daughter Janaki (awareness) is created. Compared with the previous three bodies, the fourth body is a state that is without a body, and without any conditions in the form of knowledge. This does not mean that there is an absence of knowledge found in the previous three bodies.

Knowledge is the same whether it is in an agitated condition or in equanimity. Is clean and pure the state of equanimity as well as it is termed it is, even when immersed in a flood of objective knowledge. In all states, knowledge is one and the same. However the knowledge in the first three bodies is adulterated knowledge, or conditional objective knowledge. The Knowledge of the State of the Great Causal Body is balanced and can be experienced as "pure knowledge."

This illustrates why Knowledge cannot be experienced in its primal state in the first three bodies because it is always in some form of conditioning. In the first three bodies it will always be experienced only as objective knowledge. In the fourth body, that knowledge is nonobjective and pure, which is not apparent in the other three bodies, and shines in its pure nature. This is why aspirants have to be taken to the great causal body.

Even when each state comes and goes, the witness of these states does not come and go anywhere. The one who sees the dark and fair complexion, as well his childhood, youth and old age of the physical body, is also the one who sees all concepts, imaginings, dreams, and doubts of the subtle body. The same witness also sees the causal body where there is a complete absence of concepts, imagination, and doubt. The one who witnesses all three of these bodies is forever awake.

Once the nature of "witnessing knowledge That" is known, the state of ignorance vanishes completely. Though it is true that ignorance vanishes, it is not true that the appearance of the "the seen," or "the world," also vanishes. It is only the attitude, or the understanding of the aspirant that changes. By virtue of the intensity of study, we will experience that all that is seen in and appears, is in the form of "knowledge." When it is known that everything that exists is only "the LORD OF THE UNIVERSE" the visible universe is not destroyed, just as when the light of the lamp destroys darkness, the objects that become known do not vanish.  The nature of the objects simply became clearly known in the light. In the same way, when we are looking at and feeling the world with blind eyes in the darkness of ignorance, the Sadguru's advice brings correct vision to our sight.

When the Flame Of Knowledge is lived in the "Inner-Consciousness," it spreads light all around, and the darkness of ignorance is destroyed, yet the world appearance remains, as its true nature is uncovered and revealed.

At this point, the first part of the exposition teaching, and everything regarding the physical gross body up to the great causal body has been included. The next part of the teaching that is given after the explanation of the great causal body, is the teaching of the final reality. A person cannot be called acidic even if he gain self-knowledge by becoming identified with great causal body, the Turya state, Satchitananda, and has realized that state. Even though he is accomplished, he still looked upon only as an aspirant. However we will not discuss that state yet at this point.

 One of the best books on self-inquiry.

The book on the left is a must read for anyone interested in self-inquiry.

If you read Robert or my posts or books on self-inquiry, you notice we talk only about the method:  how to practice self-inquiry and how to abide in the I Am. Part of the reason is not to contaminate or influence what you will find or your experiences.

This book talks about the all-important ontology of self, which is the philosophical explanation of the nature of consciousness as well as of awareness, which is only one aspect of consciousness.  It discusses in great detail the various levels of "bodies" found in the manifest world, from the gross physical body, to the subtle body of mind and intellect, to the causal body of the Void in its various aspects of experience and unknowingness, to finally, the underlying "supracausal" body, or Turiya.


This book is helpful for those people who "need to know" where they are going.  It provides an intellectual and expeeriential perspective to make the exploration less scary in anticipation, but also it offers the potential of taking something from your own exploration and adding his. However, this indeed is the almost universal teaching style of both East and West.

The book has several parts including a transcription by Nisargadatta of his teacher's talks during the 1930s after he took notes during lectures.  Basically, the major part of the book is his telling what his teacher said.

You will find this information embedded in many of Nisragadatta's books, but you will enjoy this book as the source for all his teachings can be found here.


The book is available through Amazon at the following link for $22.50:


http://www.amazon.com/Master-Self-Realization-Sadguru-Siddharameshwar-Maharaj/dp/0578027895/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330546945&sr=1-1-spell


As an example, from page 31:


Suppose we lose the concept of possession or the gross body, as well as the subtle body, and admit to the fact that the [mind/body] bundle belongs to a stranger [the I] Still, we must find the answer to the question "Who am I?" 


Let us now go over the definition of causal body. What is the causal body? As soon as we step in here, there is pitch darkness everywhere. Is it possible that this dark ignorance (representing both the unconscious and unknowing states) is the place of residence for this "I"? It surely seems this is his main headquarters. Ignorance seems to be the main property or quality that belongs to him. There is certainly some hope of finding the elusive "I" here.


There seems nothing that can be called "mine" in this place. Everything seems to be absolutely quiet. That "I" who loudly proclaims "I, I" so arrogantly in the gross and subtle bodies, seems to be totally silent here. The "I" seems to be playing hide and seek so that he does not get caught by the one who searches for it. In the causal body the "I" seems to have dug itself into a trench of darkness so that the one making the search might fall in, being forced in his search.


After stabilizing in this darkness of a causal body, and firmly planting one's feet. For some period of time, a voice is softly heard that says, "I am the witness of this." With this, there arises some courage offering the hope of catching the thief called "I." With the recognition of this voice who says it is the witness of the ignorance, there also comes a thought, "This thief is here somewhere. It may be here, or little bit further ahead, but he is witnessing the ignorance from somewhere nearby." Here the searching takes the form of watching persistently. The witnessing that is going on is happening from beyond the emptiness of the causal body, from position of the great causal body, or Turya state. When this is understood, the "I" is quickly overjoyed in finding himself. Who can describe that joy?


The one who says "I" is really the all-witnessing Brahman. It is he, who is of the nature of knowledge, of the sense of "I am." When this certainty is established, there arises wave after wave of bliss. 


Afterwards with this list ebbs away, look at the miracle that happens. One arrives at the recognition that, "I am not even of the nature of knowledge, for just as I am covered with ignorance, in the same way, I am covered with knowledge. I was not originally having any ignorance or knowledge. Ignorance and knowledge were born out of me, and were mistakenly taken to be me. With the aid of such deep thought, it can be seen that the rising of both ignorance and knowledge within, points to me as their creator. Therefore knowledge is my child, and I am a father, and as his father, I am prior to and different from that knowledge."


With this sequence of deep discriminative thought, dawns within the sense that "I am Brahman," or the Turya state, also starts ebbing away, only to finally be fully eradicated.


Then, "I" am absolutely naked, without any coverage whatsoever. There is no knowledge and no ignorance. Arriving here in this nakedness, it cannot be described as to who or what this "I," is. If you want a description of the "I" found here, you may utter any work found in any dictionary, but that is not "I." You may utter words and sentences to try to describe it, but those are not it. If you do not understand what is being told now, you must leave off words and concepts, and merge in deep silence, and see who "I" am.

------------------------------------------------

I will continue to post and comment on material from this book, but I urge all of those who have asked questions about self-inquiry and self-abiding to buy the book.  This puts you a little ahead of the game, even though it will also color your future experiences and understanding.


However, the ultimate understanding that you are That which the principle that stands behind knowledge and ignorace, which together are the ground of beingness, is the ultimately liberating understanding.  Then you can let go of all seeking and knowing, just resting in your own self-nature bereft of thought.




Saved

Lakshmi Is doing well now.  Gaining weight rapidly and has become triply affectionate since I feed her 3-4 times a day by her feeding tube.  She is very contented.  I did not place her on my chest.  She now climbs up to my face all the time, and just purrrs.

Ecstatic Experiences, the I Am, and 
a Middle way to Awakening

I spent most of the evening last night with two friends, both students now in our tradition.

Both are “energy” workers, healers, and both are highly sensitive to the energies in their bodies, and the always-changing “colors” of their constant “I Am” experience.  Normally in such Darshan situations, I feel the intensity of energy experiences in myself, the feelings of bliss and love which gradually transform into ecstasy, which itself starts as a flowing energetic movement, to a stasis, a stillness.

Sometimes the ecstasies turn visible, the feeling itself become light, consciousness itself begins to shine in its own illumination.  Or sometimes, I feel deep within my sense of presence, an energy “dynamo” of light, like an intense column of light from beneath me to above me, passing through my presence into the Void above and below.

But last night, as each expressed their own experiences, I felt an arising of their bliss in me.  I was no longer the source, but I felt theirs too, and it vibrated within me, expanding and blowing up my experience.

One person, Marcus, talked of his new freedom and being now able to follow his own heart and experience great excitement and “fun” just being himself.  As he talked louder and faster, an ecstatic bliss arose in me and I shared his happiness, and became as if “drunk” with the arising ecstasy, becoming totally unfunctional, hardly able even to speak.  I was aware of myself smiling and moving my right hand in a spontaneous Mudra following his bliss.

The woman, Samantha, was more empty, even more ecstatic and simply quiet.  She too was overtaken by the bliss and an awareness of the Void that permeates all, which she called “impersonal love” for the source of everything, the Void or emptiness which we are at rest.  The man referred to her as his Shakti; she was the source and inspiration for him and in him for the arising of bliss and ecstasies.

Even while this was going on, in this three-way ecstatic state, we talked of the highest spiritual truths that we had discovered, he while leading an ashram for another bhakti-oriented teacher for many years, she in experiences with him and with her clients, and with me, and I with my experiences with my own beloveds and in Satsang.

We talked about how we were able to “intuit” or feel the presence of significant others over a great distance, especially those whom we love deeply.  But even those who are not usually so close to us, we can still feel their moods, distresses, or love and happiness, and this connection has been verified many, many times.  Thus we become clearly aware of the One-nature of the Self that operates through each of us within the container of the Void.

We also become aware that often we are “contaminated” by others with whom we are not in direct contact.  Sometimes it feels as if a strange mood overtakes us, one of having a sudden urge to read books on mysticism, such as Joseph Campbell, or of myths and archetypes.  Other times we feel a strange sense of distress with an intense urgency to understand or do something, that does not seem like us.  Later we find out that someone else we both know was experiencing that state with a first person urgency at exactly the same time.  Somehow we “feel” their states, even though we are rarely in direct contact, but only are exposed through a common relationship with a third person.  Again, we are all connected, and susceptible to “contamination” of moods and experiences of others through sort of “astral” connections and bondings.

After about an hour of this Darshan, of this spiritual meeting in truth with each other, we all sank entirely out of our minds and heads into a direct “heart” experience of each other and the world.

No more talking was necessary or desired. Words became funny things to be laughed at hysterically.  The world was ultrabright and vivid, and our bodies and sense of presence was filled with a palpable yet light sense of love and wellbeing, and a deep peace of resting in nothingness.

This is what I told them, “This is the state to be in, resting in one’s own sense of I Am or Self, living in the bliss of I Am, which dissolves into the incredible peace of the Void, realizing one’s own emptiness nature.  It is so incredibly easy to reach this state once you learn how to stop thinking and just let your center of awareness settle into your deep sense of presence, which usually—at first—feels identical with an inner, energetic  spiritual heart in the body.

Just shut up; stop asking questions and searching for answers to hypothetical spiritual questions about method or the ontology of consciousness.  Just get out of your head and settle into your heart.  Learn to follow your heart. Once you learn how, it is easy.  Just stay there as long and often as possible, and all spiritual questions and emotional/physical distresses will be resolved, by following and being in your heart.  No more books are necessary, no more seeking is necessary, no more methods or teachers are necessary. Just stay in and operate from your heart.  Eventually all your questions and problems will be answered and resolved by this inner working of consciousness.”

From this state true awakening will come.  This state is not awakening itself, but the place where the absolute meets manifestation. From this state, the Absolute in you will realize both the empty and ecstatic nature of all of manifestation, but that YOU are entirely beyond the manifest, beyond existence, the knower of knowing and also of unknowing, the container of all.

Then, with this certain knowing, you can return to the world of the ridiculous, the world of pain and pleasure, the world of suffering pain, but also of love and bliss; you can return in peace and acceptance.

Many people have experienced similar states and understanding in Satsang with me or in conversation, meditation, or in sharing our mutual presence. Yet, they are looking for something else.  Many students come with a head filled with ideas about what a guru is or their path is, and they miss this, they miss the ecstasies or the truths revealed by both what the ecstasies teach, and the revelations by consciousness to the Absolute in you what the true nature of consciousness is.

As the woman, Samantha, said to me. “People come filled with ideas, concepts and expectations, and entirely miss what they could receive in Satsang or in the Sangha.”  They miss because their minds tell them that this is not enough, it is to simple.  Or else they have ideas that the “ego” has to die, or be burnt out, etc., and they is only one way for them to do it.

Yes, there are many, many paths, like that of the true bhakti who loses himself, burns himself out in a dualistic worship and love for God or guru, and are finally felt and left as empty, humble and identical with emptiness itself. 

Or there is the way of the Jnani with meditative self-inquiry following the sense of I into the Void. The Jnana too is eventually left empty.  Or like most, there is the way of endless exploration within the deep fields of consciousness, the exploration of which is endless and exciting to the mind. But this path really has no end point unless and until the student sickens of endless experiences and understandings, and wishes to finish the journey with ultimate experiences and understandings.

Or, there is this simple middle way, finding one’s own sense of I Am and loving it, worshipping it, while loving God or another deeply, which excites and fills the I Am with love and ecstatic energies which makes ones spiritual practice all so easy compared to the dryness of the Jnani or the constant burning of the Bhakti.  The middle way of loving the I Am and loving another, and loving that other results in an explosive love within one’s own sense of presence. This is the easy way, the simple way, the way I learned from Robert and Nisargadatta.

The three of us are thinking of having a mini retreat to add sacred music, chanting, and meditation to the simple mutual Darshan experience we had with each other, and then at some point hold a retreat for our Sangha.  Marcus is a talented musician and singer, so that we will have live music and chanting as opposed to canned music and silently listening as we had at our former Satsangs.

The retreats probably will be held at Mt. Baldy Zen Center about 60 miles West of Los Angeles, high on the slopes of Mt. Baldy. The mountain  itself has three separate peaks, and the one that the Zen Center is located on is called “Thunder Mountain” because of the sound of the constant wind between the peaks.

Those who may be interested in sharing a retreat, please contact me.

Below is a letter received by me from an "old timer" responding to a previous post on the guru/student relationship. Lauditory letters like this from sadhakas who have been close to a guru for many years and who have observed hundreds and maybe thousands of guru/teacher relationships are incredibly valuable.  It is easy for beginners to go overboard about a teacher--for a time--but someone who has lived in ashrams over a decade, and served a teacher all during that time--their feedback is precious.

Dear Ed, I have read and re-read this document many times... I want to say thank you for taking the time to write this and make it available to all of us part of your Sangha in whatever way we engage in that Sangha. Having lived in a spiritual community for 13 years that mainly focused on Bhakti, I can say that the traits of Self-inquiry, trust, devotion, maturity, and obedience are essential to maintaining a true and powerful transformational relationship with your growth, yourself, and the Master who is guiding that process. Honestly, Even in a committed, structured format the place was absolutely insane as the buried emotions, pain, hurt, and projections bubbled up in the presence of Truth ... For exactly the reasons that you have put forth... Let us not forget that the student came to the Master. The Master did not come to the student. The student decided there was something that Master had to offer or else the student would never have been seeking in the first place and the Master could never have been revealed to the student. "When the Student is ready, the Master appears... and when the student resists, the Master withdraws..." I understand that the sacred transmission of darshan (often misunderstood) is a Divine initiator to any student who realizes its true nature. Over the years, I have found there are many who have unrealistic expectations about what the Guru is going to do for you. In my experience the Guru can only meet the student where the student chooses to be met. Therefore that Guru/disciple relationship reflects the depth of that sincere open-hearted intention of the student and that determines what can actually be received and in what manner. In this way, the power to transform your life is, has, and will always be in the hands of the individual student... It is up to that individual student NOT the Guru to "make it happen.." for yourself.  If one focuses on the so-called unrefined traits, or human flaws of that Master then that is what will reveal itself... If one choose to focus on the keys, tools, the presence, and the darshan offered, that is what will be revealed. The Guru is truly the ever-flowing river of Love constantly revealing itself in the infinite number of ways that the student will allow... I want to personally express my gratitude to you Edji for offering me the tools, the darshan, and that unconditional love that has helped me to continue to experience the depth of myself in a profound manner that I did not think was possible. I want to thank you for being an awake voice in the midst of the illusion. I want to thank you for the inspiration of your presence, your honesty, your humanity, and your friendship, your patience, and your guidance. Even in seeing your humanity, which has only made you more real to me, I have experienced the depth of your commitment to waking up, and your desire to assist me in that process... Thank you...

Love, Surrender and Awakening

Robert Adams tells of his awakening experience and what followed as below. After that I discuss what his story means to me based on my time with him and my own life since he left us.

Robert:

When I had my spiritual awakening I was fourteen years old. This body was sitting in a classroom taking a math test. And all of a sudden I felt myself expanding. I never left my body, which proves that the body never existed to begin with. I felt the body expanding, and a brilliant light began to come out of my heart. I happened to see this light in all directions. I had peripheral vision, and this light was really my Self. It was not my body and the light. There were not two. There was this light that became brighter, and brighter and brighter, the light of a thousand suns. I thought I would be burnt to a crisp, but alas, I wasn't.

This brilliant light, which I was the center and also the circumference, expanded throughout the universe, and I was able to feel the planets, the stars, the galaxies,

as myself. And this light shone so bright, yet it was beautiful, it was bliss, it was ineffable, indescribable.

After a while the light began to fade away, and there was no darkness. There was just a place between light and darkness, the place beyond the light. You can call it the void, but it wasn't just a void. It was this pure awareness I always talk about. I was aware that I am that I am. I was aware of the whole universe at the same time. There was no time, there was no space, there was just the I am.

Then everything began to return to normal, so-to-speak. And I was able to feel, and understand, that all of the planets, the galaxies, the people, the trees, the flowers on this earth, everything, were myriads of energy, and I was in everything. I was the flower. I was the sky. I was the people. The I was everything. Everything was the I. The word I encompassed the whole universe.

Now here's the point I'm trying to make. I felt a love, a compassion, a humility, all at the same time, that was truly indescribable. It wasn't a love that you're aware of.  

Think of something that you really love, of someone that you really love with all your heart. Multiply this by a jillion million trillion, and you'll understand what I'm talking about. This particular love is like no thing that ever existed on this earth, consciously. There is nothing you can compare it with. It is beyond duality, beyond concepts, beyond words and thoughts. And since the I, which I was, was all-pervading, there was no other place for anything else to be. 

There was no room for anything, because there was no space, and no time. There was just the I am, ever present, self-existent. The love of everything was the love of the self.

This is why, in scripture, it tells you to love your brother, and your sister, to love everyone and everything under all circumstances. This love couldn't differentiate. It couldn't say, "You're good, so I love you. You're bad, so I don't love you." Everything was going on as myself. I realized I am the murderer, I am the saint, I am the so-called evil on this earth, I am the so called goodness of this earth. Everything was the self. And it was all a game. All of the energy particles changed from one thing to another thing. But the love never changed.

Another word for this love was compassion.  There was this fabulous, fantastic compassion. For everything! For everything was the self, the I am. There was no differentiation. There was not me, what you call me, and those things. There was only one expression, and that was consciousness.

Of course, I didn't understand all these words at that time. 

There were no words like I'm talking about now. I'm trying my best to speak intelligently and try to use words to explain what happened, but you can't. All the games that people are playing, and all the planets, throughout the universe, is really the self. It was all the self, and I realized that nothing else existed but the self. Yet all of these things, the multiplicities of planets, of galaxies, of people, of animals, were really the self. Again, there are no words to describe this. I felt and knew that these multiplicities do not exist. Things do not exist. Only the self existed, only consciousness, pure awareness.

Yet, at the same time, creation came into existence. And there's no creation. We cannot understand this in human form. As long as we're thinking with our brains it's incomprehensible, for how can they both be simultaneously creating each other? There was creation going on, and yet there was no creation at all! There was no creation taking place, and creation was taking place. Sounds like the thoughts of a mad man. And it seemed normal. There's absolutely nothing strange about this at all, being nothing and everything at the same time.

So this great compassion was there. Since I was everything, the compassion was for everything. No thing was excluded, for the things were really the self.

And then there was this fantastic humility. The love, compassion, and humility are all synonymous. I'm trying to break it down to make you understand, to an extent, what was going on. The humility was there not to change anything. Everything was right just the way it was. Planets were exploding, new planets were being born. Suns were evaporating, new suns were being born. From the suns the planets came, and then life began on the planets. All this was taking place instantaneously, at the same time. And yet nothing was taking place at all.

Therefore the humility is that everything was alright. There was nothing I had to change. There was nothing I had to correct. The people dying of cancer were in their right place where nobody dies, and there is no cancer. Wars, man's inhumanity to man, was all part of it. There cannot be a creation if there is not an opposite to good. In order to have a creation there has to be opposites. There has to be the bad guy and the good guy. I was able to understand all these things.

The next thing I remember is my teacher was shaking me. I was the only one left in the class, everybody had gone, the bell rang, and I had not even started the mathematics test. Of course I got a great big zero.

But those feelings and the understanding never left me. From that time on my whole life changed. I was no longer interested in school. I was no longer interested in the friends I had. I won't go on any more than that for now, as far as that's concerned.

The point I'm trying to make is this. If the end result of realization is love, compassion, and humility, what if we were able to develop these qualities now? Do you see what I'm getting at? If we are able to develop this love, this beautiful joyous love, for everything, without exception, without being judgmental, and we had a great compassion, for everything, without being judgmental.    

Then of course, there's humility. Humility means we don't have to try to straighten things out, to get even, to stick up for our rights, for there is no one really left to do that. If some of us were to work on those aspects, it would lift us up and make us free.

This is something for you to think about. We have to learn to leave the world alone. We become so involved in politics, in family life, in work and the rest of these things we're involved in, that we forget that we only have so many years left on this earth in the body. And what are we doing with all of the time we have? We're spending the time on things that do not really exist, things that make no sense.

Imagine you're in a play in the theater, and you're playing a role, and you're playing a part. All the time you're aware that you're playing a part. You're not really that person. It's only a part you're playing. In the same way you are now playing a part, but you have forgotten you're playing a part. 

You think your body, the way it looks, the way it appears, what it does, what it acquires, is real, and you put all your energy into the game of playing the part. This is indeed a waste of energy. If you'd only put your energy in finding the self, that you really never lost. And you can do this by developing the qualities of love, compassion and humility.

This is another method you have to work on. As you're working on self-inquiry, work on the love, work on compassion, work on humility. Do not just practice self-inquiry for a while, and then react negatively to the world, and have your feelings hurt. Be yourself.

Awaken from the dream. Refuse to play any longer. Look at yourself all day long. See the things that you do, the thoughts that you have, the feelings that you have. It makes no difference what situation you're going through. It makes no difference what's going on in your life. The only thing that matters is what's going on inside of you.

Karmically you are put on this earth as a body, to go through karmic experiences. Therefore, the experience you're going through is part of the maya, the karma. Do not reflect on these things. This is important. You have to drop this. Leave it alone. If you only knew that nothing can ever happen to you. There never was a time when you were born.

There will never be a time when you die. You have always lived. You are consciousness. You have always existed. Identify with your existence. Merge into the existence of nothingness. I tell you this again and again. Leave the world alone. Remember what I mean when I say to leave the world alone. I'm not saying that you should voluntarily, consciously, make a plan of how you're going to leave the world alone. You'll not be able to live up to it. By leaving the world alone I mean, entertain in your mind higher thoughts.

Always have in back of your mind, "I am not the body. I am not the doer. I am not the mind." Feel this. Feel it deeply. 


Do not feel good or bad about it. Do not try to prolong your life. It's a waste of energy. What you call your life will take care of itself. It knows what to do better than you do. 

We're very limited in our understanding about the body, or the affairs of the body, what's going on in the body. Do not try to do anything with your body. Your body will do whatever it came here to do. It knows what to do. Separate your-self from that. Of course, you may do this by inquiring, "To whom does the body come? Who has this body?" and remain in the silence.

Many of us here this evening are making tremendous progress. I've been talking to many of you who are really getting there. Of course, I use all these terms loosely. 


There's nowhere to get. But I have to talk to you this way, to remind you to leave yourself alone. I know some of you may be in pain sometimes, and you say, "Well I want to live a life free of pain, therefore I have to do things to myself so I don't feel that pain." This is really a mistake. If you could only realize who has the pain. To whom does the pain come? I have the pain. Then who am I? If I have the pain, it means that the person who is thinking these things does not have the pain, for it is I that has the pain. You are free of pain, for you are not the I-thought. Remember the I we're talking about now is the thought, the I-thought, that has the pain and the experience of being born, the experience of dying, the experience of having problems. This is the I-thought that has these things. Not you.

You have to vehemently make up your mind that the only thing that matters to you is to become free, liberated, and let go of all the other things that keep you bound. This is why you have to work with love, compassion and humility. For if this is the end result of awakening, if you do this first, the awakening will come faster.

Even while I'm talking to you, some of you are thinking about your body, you're thinking about the mind, you're thinking about your work. This is what keeps you back.  

Destroy the thoughts through self-inquiry. Become free. Do not fight. Do not fear. Observe, watch, look, but have no opinions for or against. Some people think if they act this way they will not be able to function in the world. You will function. Always remember, there's an appearance of the body, and the body came here to do certain things, and it's going to do those things. It has absolutely nothing to do with you.

Many times when I talk to you I have to keep from laughing, (laughter) explaining all these things, talking about all these things, when you're already free, and you already know these things. Sometimes we're pulled into the illusion. For there's really no thing.

When I talk of God we're speaking of nothingness. God is nothing. And that nothing is you. We get more deeply involved when we constantly study, when we constantly read about so many spiritual topics, we get more deeply involved in maya which prevents us from waking up.

Why can't you be yourself and wake up? Why do you have to go through all these things, and make me sit here talking to you like this? Just think what I could be doing if I didn't have to talk to you. I could be watching Tales From The Crypt. (Laughter)

Be your self. When you are yourself the thoughts come slowly to you until they cease. When the thoughts become slower and slower into your mind, and the thoughts begin to disappear, you automatically become loving, compassionate and you'll have humility. In other words, the faster you get rid of your thoughts, the faster these other things come, these other qualities. So it's a matter of stopping your thoughts. It is the thoughts that see everything in this world as good and bad, right and wrong. As the thoughts begin to subside, love comes by itself, compassion, humility come by themselves. So again, we have to stop thinking.

DISCUSSION

So, what was Robert’s awakening experience? What was it all about?

It was a brief, time-limited transcendental experience wherein Robert perceived himself to be, the sense of I, his sense of I am, to be pure consciousness, and that everything in the universe also was pure consciousness, and was him. In addition, he felt that that an essential characteristic of the I am, of consciousness, was love, a great love far beyond what humans feel towards each other. Along with this, he felt compassion for all sentient beings, for everything that is alive, as well as a great sense of humility.

Then he returned to normal consciousness, but with the belief and conviction that he was consciousness itself, and the basic nature of that consciousness was love, compassion and humility, and a total acceptance of the world when it was.

At the same time, the recognition that he was consciousness itself, the totality, relieved him of the illusion that he was bound by an individual body and mind.

Then Robert proposed one more step and suggests a method.

First, he suggests practicing self-inquiry onto the sense of I, looking ever more deeply into one's own sense of I, or I am. This is the classic self-inquiry process which is the mainstay of both the Ramana tradition of which Robert is a part of, but also of Nisargadatta Maharaj.

Then he states, the feeling that never left him subsequent to his awakening experience, was his deep love for everything and everyone, and a profound sense of humility, and a compassion for all living things.

Then Robert proposes, “What if we work on developing this compassion, this love, this humility here and now before the awakening experience?”

This would be an additional practice to self in query, of looking into that sense of I am gradually becoming that sense of I am in meditation and in everyday self-witnessing, self-awareness.

He says awakening will come more quickly this way. In a sense, he saying "him Fake it till you make it." That is, grab onto the lasting after-effects of the awakening experience. 

Deliberately cultivate being kind, develop love for another, feel love for another very deeply and totally and lose ourselves in love. Every day we should cultivate increasing compassion for all living things, for hungry animals, starving babies, towards trees, insects and even rocks and a running river. And at the same time, we lose our arrogance, wanting constantly to bow in complete surrender to one's beloveds, whomever or whatever they may be. We drop our knees in humility. We touch the feet of our beloved. We become like dust in service to those we love. And by such deliberate cultivation of love, humility, compassion and surrender, we build in us a receptivity is for the transcendental awakening experiences, which in a sense, really are no longer necessary because we are already living the fruit of awakening.

For this reason I emphasize loving one another as deeply, as extensively compassionately as possible, until our love for another is so intense and deep that naturally we drop our knees in deep humility surrender.

That is why I recommend human relationships so much, to practice increasing loving this in the most personal and powerful way to open us to the deepest love for sentience, surrender to the unfolding of consciousness in its own way and time. It is a way that the limited becomes the infinite.  

By practicing love, compassion, surrender and humility, we take on the cloak of God, until, as Nisargadatta puts it, the I Am, God, Consciousness loves you back and releases you.

Nisargadatta’s experience was similar. His guru toldhim he was not his body and he immediately accepted that.  With that conviction he concentrated on his sense of I Am less than three years and had a great awakening, but which is never described. 

What I would note though, is that Maharaj grabbed onto one fruit of the awakening experience, that he was not his body.  That conviction, along with focus on and love of the I Am, released him from suffering and distress and created one of the great Jnanis of our time.

Lakshmi and I just after her feeding.  You can't hear her, but she is purring away. She feels no stress anymore.  No mouth pain, no cancer pain, and just constant gratitude.  

Lakshmi appears to be recovering nicely.   She is eating almost all her food on her own as opposed through the feeding tube.  Her gum inflammation appears way down.  Her feces are firming, and the irritable bowel disorder appears subsiding. Unfortunately her feeding tube is blocked, so I may have to take her in today.  We need to tube to administer all of her medications.  I'll try one more attempt this morning to unblock the tube.


She is back on my lap now purring just as before the surgery.