A Zen Student Encounters a Strong Opening at Satsang

A series of emails was sent to me by a long time Zen student inquiring about her practice.  She had also downloaded my book and then attended a Sunday Satsang.  She encountered a very energetic and, we hope, life changing opening.  This is quite a common experience for those who come to Sunday satsangs: energetic openings or deeper understandings.

TO ME:

Energies running rampant in me suddenly. 1, 2, 3 chakras on fire. Sexual feelings, burning movement circular in lower abdomen. Hyper ventilating breath of fire. Energy trying to push up and out. Feels blocked below navel chakra 1, 2, exploding. What is going on? Trying to slow down burning hot pulsing in circles very low; can't sit down; slowing down feel burned inside vagina. Uterus white hot inside. Stuck below navel. Hara empty. dark icy energy circling What's happening Ed what's this energy trying to do? Go up? Out? Pain pelvis hot abdomen cold. Pelvis full abdomen empty. So tired. Sleep

ED: That is your Shakti girl. Don't tamp it. Let her rip. Loosen the belly.

TO ME:

I am trying not to resist. Quieted down. Now breathing heavy again. Belly is so cold. I had kundalini rise years ago during shaktipat w/ Madusudandasji, but not like this. Then it was straight up spine as he shot energy down from head. Was in trance four hours. Recapitulate birth over and over. Gave birth to self. Is this body waking up? Never felt circles of fire before. Lower back hurts;  feels like trying to give birth again. Not like Yogi Bhajan describe it. There I always go out top of head. He started me having trouble staying in body. His gonging sent me out of body to ceiling. No sure could come back. Except connecting cord there pulled me back in. Will shakyi push me out of body? Want to stay in body. Lower body raw but warm middle feels swollen now not so cold. Never felt this fire in circles before. Feels hot over kidneys. Come on shakti move move, move.

TO ME AFTER SATSANG:

Tonight i feel like I’ve wasted half my life with zen because i bought into the idea that emotions are something to watch go by without involvement.

ED:

So did I when I was in Zen. Consider it the trip back to the marketplace. Nothing lost. Bringing back Zen into your life, your body, and your particular fit in the marketplace of society.

You’ll find many spiritual traditions deal with emotions as something to be processed, observed, or to be released, leaving the practitioner “empty” of feelings after a while, supposedly in the restful peace of emptiness and “clarity.”  However, not only the “negative” emotions are dispended with, but all positive feelings too, such as love, caring, and often empathy.

TO ME: At least i can sit and concentrate; that’s what i got from zen. SHIT LAUGHING

ED: Yes, you gain much from Zen, and lose much too.

TO ME:

I’m just frustrated. My belly isnt opening up yet. It feels like im sitting on burning embers. Thank you for your teaching and help. i will send you and your kitties a donation

I must admit coming alive is wonderful and frightening.

ED:

YES IT IS; BOTH!

TO ME:  Is shakti the kundalini? feels so different, or maybe I’m different. I’m going to stop mentally obsessing and just go with whatever appears. seems like i've ended up too analytical from inquiry practice see there i go again. Hahaha

I swear though it feels like i had sex with a bull today. a really big bull!! Inever felt like that during a zen retreat!!

ED:

Just the beginning honey.

You have built up so much meditation power over the years, that you will have many Shakti experiences. Strong love can also cause the same sort of experiences.

TO ME:

My heart feels very soft tonight. My belly seems more pliable but still guarded. My pelvis feels alive with energy. Funny how my pelvis feels connected to my heart tonight. I felt my heart open like a blossom just a few minutes ago, which caused waves of sexual feeling whirling. I swear to god I can actually feel my root chakra vibrating. Wow!

This is almost intolerable....but...not quite...if I relax into the sensations instead of tightening up. Whoa... So intense. So this is Shakti, ... hunh...who knew?!?!?

If I told the teacher at the Zen center about these experiences, he would say, " Just ignore them and keep your question.".

Have I been spiritually snookered!?!? No, I won’t t go there. I like your version...I'm returning to the marketplace.

       

ED: You can expect Shakti to become a central focus in your life as it brings your body and sense of self back to life, and along with it, a sense of “presence,” which is you.  You will learn to separate your physical body from your energetic body or sense of presence.  By sitting for many years you have built much Samadhi power or Joriki.  This will now come back to you as grace, as Shakti removing faulty knowledge and blockages to your manifesting yourself.

Kundalini is just one form of Shakti.  Shakti is the generic terms for the energy of sentience, or the Life Force.